V: Cling to me

I wonder if I've ever inadvertently repeated a blog entry title. I try to keep them irrelevant and I usually don't let them have anything to do with the content (no hard and fast rules or anything.)

I'm not happy tonight. I ought to be. School is done and I don't have work until Thursday. I've won a number of small victories including replacing the toilet handle after months of ridiculousness and getting Brando into Lost. Chantelle called to ask me to reschedule my Saturday shift to a time I was already intending on rescheduling for if possible. I want to write but I feel too scatterbrained to focus. I feel angry about something and I don't know what. I'm lonely. This is the same thing that has been bumming me out for five years.

It's stupid teen angst and it looks really bad on a 22-year-old and I need it out of my system before I try to get back into writing this funny play. I don't know who I'd be if I were happy with myself. I can't see myself being happy with happiness. This pathetic guy doesn't deserve a shoulder to cry on. He's spending all night trying to figure out exactly how to say all this without seeming too desperate for attention. He's already got attention and he's an asshole for using it this way. What a dick, Scotto is. Don't encourage him. And if you don't intend to seduce him, you should probably stay away.

I should be quarantined, man, I should be put away and studied, kept away so as to not harm society. You have to either be a way bigger asshole or a much nicer guy than me to get what you're after. I'm too good at settling, it's my fucking problem.

But hey, that's the contract, right? You click onto SWP, you agree to take on my problems, at least hear about them. 9 out of 10 times you come to SWP I'll be miserable about something, and 6 out of 9 it'll be mostly related to companionship (female.) I'm just a miserable self-loathing bastard and you're either used to it or you stopped reading in 2005. We all know the arrangement.

This isn't about anything specific, I'm just this lame.

Sunday was a fun day at work. We had a fire drill, was after all the aggravating insecurity about whether we should vacate the premises, became a nice little bonding moment for us all. Then after closing, it was real chill with me, Alan, Taylor, Jamie and Cait. We were considering getting drinks after, but as usual so far it fell apart. We are all still quite intent on some giant drinking trip though, so, that.

Nixing this entry for tonight. Not happy with the way I express my unhappiness. So needy. To hell with Scotto. Keep on rockin'
-Scott