Two: It is all different

It has certainly been an eventful winter. I first started contemplating this blog over a month ago in late January. We have been busy in wedding planning mode. I don't want to be the guy who completely sits out the wedding planning and puts it all on his bride. I want to mske my mark too and I feel that jointly we have a particular aesthetic I have a stake in. So I'm invested. I can help make choices. At the same time, working to plan any endeavour is not my jam. My stomach gets knotted up when I think of reaching oit to vendors, making appointments, planning various logistical things. It's one thing to say I like weddings and want mine to be good. It would be another if I actually enjoyed the work that goes into it.

I could tell you tales, but it all blurs together. In late Jan, on an insane cold night,we went to a food tasting to arrange our menu. We had built a mini vacation around it but sadly Mel's Great Uncle passed that same week so much of our planned relaxation time became allocated to funeral attendance. We did make up for it, seeing Amanda and later my brothers for impromptu stew.

Most of our weekends are busy woth wedding tasks, which is fine, I've learned to find my downtime where I can. I have posted a few things on my other blogs lately... X-Men recaps, memoirs of various recollections. I'm managing to branch out.

One weekend was Grandma's 90th birthday. She was in high spirits, which was great -- she's been doing much better these past few months since they realigned her medications. We saw some distant family we never connect with anymore. I had a xonversation with Uncle Bob whose content I immediately forgot. Dad came, his arrival anticipated like a celebrity. Mostly Mel and I stuck to people we knew.

I think about work. About my future. I'm in a good place for now but today was the first time I felt uneasy, as Jess and I discussed some future plans. Theres no issue, and I have a good working dynamic and she's always very positive, I just... I don't know. Today I really felt like work is just s pla e where I go, plunk down in a chair, enact a few processes that ostensibly help the business run, and listen to wrestling podcasts. I wait for lunch because maybe I'll find time to write or whatever.

I worry about next steps because the idea is develop, develop, but I'd still rather write. My mom is working from home doing recruiting for insurance companies. Easy enough she talked my brother into trying it despite it requiring him to take on a normal person's sleep schedule. I'm not saying I dream of quitting my job and doing that - although of it left me time to tey to write ot would be worth considering. I just don't know that the path I'm on is the right one. A far cry from a year ago when I still felt so lucky to have a desk job.

I'm in a good place, I don't need to blow up my spot just yet, but I sure am getting those late era retail vibes where it's like... what are we doing here? What else could we do?
Much else to tell. Megan's wedding - a debacle for sure but overall a fun time. When you're planning tour own wedding of course you compare what you think you're going to do against what other people do. (Fortunately only one wedding this year.) I was late and frazzled from touring Hamilton (both to the ceremony and reception.) I sat with Chrispy and Krista of course but also a nice couple named Tessa and (Tessa's fiance name here) who was eager to hear my tales and whose tales I was interested in hearing. Later we danced ourselves sick - Mel and I, not Tessa and Tessa's Fiance and I.

I've been letting Mel take me to the gym. Nobody wants to hear that the gym is not really my thing and that I steadfastly refuse to be a gym guy and that I could walk out and never come back and be fine with it. It's the truth. I do it for her and I try to enjoy it and give it my best. I hope she understands where I'm at with it. (I've been pretty open.)

There's always more I could be saying - lately I've had so many more ideas rolling around my head, more thoughts about my daily life, but we could be here all night and never get through it. Well that's not even true, I'm just writing this on my phone. Maybe someday I'll reread this post and something will shake loose and I'll reveal nes details, but for now you know whst you need to.

Keep on rockin
-Scotto