3:49 AM: Tools of the trade

So where were we? As noted in my last post, work hasn't been work, and the freefall has sort of continued. I had my vacation last week. It was uneventful and eventful.

Earlier this year, I could tell I was in a kind of manic phase, accumulating ideas and motivation to work on them. This was directed in a lot of different ways, creatively and "productively" when it comes to my X-Men blog and its future. I was definitely spreading myself, I wouldn't say too thin, but at a nice layer.

By the time I had a surplus of time to actually do things, I was ready to shut down. Which is a good feeling, you know, I don't reboot that often -- I'm definitely someone who measure leisure time by "productivity" whether that's cleaning the house or writing smut. The things that I like doing just happen to be ones that produce output. But by last week, I had had so much time to do things that it no longer felt necessary to fill every day. It was kind of nice, being free-floating. I still did things, most often in the mornings. Most days were marked by the usual discussion of what to do for lunch. Etc etc.

The weekend before was a busy one, as we went to the city on Saturday for Aunt Karen's birthday, which was a relatively big 'do at an Italian restaurant (which I had actually been to once before with work, many years ago, go figure.) The atmosphere wasn't quite so conducive to mingling and talking so while I did spent a good amount of time talking to Eric and whomever was around me, I didn't check in with the cousins too much as they were at the far end of the table. Alas.

Sunday was Family Fun Day, which was maybe a little less tiring than last year but still a little complicated as the scoring and game rotation was hectic (with Nonna having to stay upstairs and, surprisingly not come down to play ping pong.) Oh well oh well oh well.

The week proceeded then. I went to the mall a few times, did running around for coffees and buying jeans and getting a haircut and whatever else. I had meant to go to the city to see Tony for some coffee or lunch, but weather happened and Mel also needed the car in the evening so I didn't feel like I could go off to the city. We rescheduled and then rescheduled again as I moved my dentist appointment to Thursday to accommodate Mel going into the city for work, which is now happening tomorrow, Wednesday. I said sure I'd still go, but I still have to go in on Thursday regardless, because I'm not moving this dentist appointment for the second time in a week.

It is what it is. 

Then on Friday we got some very bizarre news, that mom had split from Ross because he had cheated on her. I was surprised, more because he's a 71-year-old insomniac who hates life, so I didn't think he would be able to get a better deal than my mom, piece of shit. I was upset because I don't know what it's like for my mom to be on her own, because she hasn't historically done well without a partner, and now she doesn't even have her sons living with her, so that worried me, but she admitted she came around relatively quickly to seeing it as a good thing to be rid of him, being that he was, again, a piece of shit (my words.) So whatever. He fucked up and will probably never be a minute for the rest of his miserable life, if he ever had been. That's his business, and as long as my mom is at peace -- and she really does seem to have been taking it in stride after the initial shock and hurt wore off. That's good.

So we offered to go over for dinner, and bought her some Kelsey's, and we talked at length about it, and other things that were going on with us. A pretty long night overall.

So over the last little while it's just felt like life has largely been crapping on my head and the heads of people I care about, and that otherwise I've also been off by a half-step somehow. 

Back to me and my state of mind, I'm sort of lethargic now that I'm back to work, and there's still nothing much to do (although not nothing and I can at least log on now, so we've been doing things.) I'd love to refocus my energy and do some writing but it's not grabbing me right now and I'm thinking about ending some of these projects in the near future or at least the next year, when some of the things I feel committed to are done with.

Oh and we also got our new dishwasher on the 15th. It has been a gamechanger as promised -- yes, the kitchen does still get dirty but knowing there is an easy and reliable fix to it means it doesn't stay dirty for quite as long, which is nice. Not having to leave things undone and stress about when we'll be able to pull it off... yeah. Very nice.

And yeah. Other than that... adrift. A little melancholy. Not much else to say.

We try though.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto