23: The Myth of Time

I was notified early yesterday morning that I did not end up getting that job. I'm okay with that, certainly at peace with it -- I had mixed feelings to begin with but had gotten very excited at the opportunity to rejoin my former business in that role. The only thing I'm salty about is how long it took them to notify me, but perhaps that means I was in the running and they wanted to make sure they had their #1 locked down before cutting me loose. That's flattering if true. They told me in a generic form email that they simply had another candidate who was a better match, which is what they always say, and who knows if that's the full story, nobody's going to question it. There's disappointment in that it would have been nice to get something, nice to have that status, nice to know where the next few years of my life are going to be spent, but I can't be mad about the situation. I didn't even think I'd be a serious candidate.

So it goes. I'm back on the hunt, not that anybody told me to get off the hunt, I just kind of throttled back while this was in play and focused on personal stuff. It's more a lack of enthusiasm for anything I'm seeing.

That's got me thinking, as the title of this post suggests, about time. Specifically the feeling of having so much of it yet never enough. For instance this morning disappeared as Mel asked to try the new scrambled egg croissant from Tim Hortons, and that took a while to go get, and then when I got home we discovered it had been made wrong (with sausage instead of bacon, and gosh that maple butter is not so appetizing) so back I went to get it re-made. Just little tasks that chip away at what at first seems to be an abundance of time.

I've been doing okay with some of my goals. Lots of clandestine writing. X-Cerpts continues apace. There's no question that the leisure portion of my time is well accorded. Kitchen is still a constant mess. Basement, don't ask. Front of the house... I'm starting to see a pattern. I talk about this all the time, but here I am talking more about it rather than doing it.

I'm not glum, but I am very reflective. I had indicated that if we got to September and I wasn't working, moves would be made, and we're almost at that point. It feels very like fall as the weather has been chillier and breezier, the intense heat of July and early August dropping to September levels of high teens and low twenties abruptly. It doesn't feel like we have transitions anymore, but maybe this is the transition.

I think there are probably more productive things I can do with my time than continue this post. Nothing much of note, other than Hank has been stubborn and weirdly an early riser lately, which I actually don't mind because if I get out of bed and walk him early I have more time to do me in the morning, as long as it doesn't have the knock-on effect of causing me to fall asleep on the couch. That did happen this weekend while we were watching a romcom (Sweet Home Alabama) much to Mel's annoyance. But otherwise, she's trying to get to sleep before 11:30 so it all kind of folds in nearly together. Yesterday we worked out, our session moved from Friday to Wednesday because Rebecca is moving this weekend. After that we decided to take Hank together instead of doing what I'd been doing during the blazing days which was wait for the evening when the heat was slightly less. Hank expressed some stubbornness about our route because he always wants to go up Upper Middle and Mel does not ever, under any circumstances. So there was sort of a stalemate, but eventually we worked through it. Then because so much time had elapsed we decided to order dinner instead of me making it, and from there we had a nice night.

That'll be that. Keep on rockin'

-Scotto