109: Blood on the tracks

I had a thought earlier that it was not easy to reconcile a fundamental religious belief with an interest in scientific understanding. So much of what we know as science (empirical evidence and whatnot) is so broadly contradictary to the idea of faith that it's easy to forget that the earliest scientists were all devout. Your Newtons, Keplers, et cetera, all raised in the church. After all, what was religion but drawing conclusions based on previous theories and observations? Yet the more we learn, the more we wonder how God figures into it, to the point where more and more people decide to scrap the idea of God altogether.

I don't know. I don't mean to preach, lord knows I've had my own conflicts of beliefs over the years. If I believe in God, I feel like it would only be to get into Heaven, not because I derive much satisfaction from the idea of a supreme being. If anything, that idea scares the shit outta me. But the God that I like to think about doesn't care if you believe in Him or not. He works, like nature, in ways we can see but not always understand, like a bumblebee's flight. It doesn't cease to be when you turn away from it. I don't know. I didn't even intend to write about this when I set down to write this: I had the first sentence and I kept going. I'm not even sure it makes sense or if I even agree.

I was reading some old entries earlier, as I occasionally do. There are two layers to this, a contradiction if you will. I have changed and I haven't. My outlook is so different and yet so much the same. Where I look from can change, yet how I see somehow does not. I may not have the same perspective as I did at one point, yet the interpretations keep going through the same filters. This redundant point makes very little sense.

But my point is that I wrote in a way back then that I am not now, and yet I am still in many ways that same guy, I still have the same situation, the same feelings. But now I say, "Oh, I would never write aobut that like that." Well, I'm pretty fuckin' capricious. Who we are can change like the wind.

I don't even really want to be writing this tonight. It's been a lazy day and I'm going to bed soon. I have a philosophy/logic test tomorrow and it would be to my advantage to have my braincells functioning. I've been going over the materials and I guess we'll see how much of it I can truly call upon. You know my theory... if you truly know it, you don't need to study, it will be there when you call on it to write.

Well it's always worked plenty for me.

Tomorrow never knows. Keep on rockin'
-Scotto