R: Mass migration of elephants

I don't think I have seasonal affected disorder; if it's a real thing then the people who experience it probably suffer much more drastic moodswings than I do. There's a certain charm to fall, to the breeze winds and falling leaves, but I always get real sentimental.

Something about this weather keeps dragging me back to the falls of my past, most notably fall 2004, the one where I started this blog, and probably the last fall that didn't rush past in a blur.

As I'm getting older and thinking harder and harder about what I'm supposed to do with myself once I stop being a student (and coming to no valid conclusion) that life gets farther away from me, but it still feels current in the air. The past will never be again. I'll never drive out to Stratford for Earnest costumes, never be harangued into joining improv or do Maim in Vain. Conversely, I'll never be as melodramatic a person as I was then, constantly analyzing every little interaction I had with anyone, because goddamn were they hard to come by.

I do live in isolation and it does suck. I had a family gathering earlier today and some of my aunts noticed I seemed different. My go-to answer was that I wasn't sleeping, which isn't untrue exactly. And it's probably part of it. I went to bed at about 3 the night before, woke up at 10 and by the time I was showered and ready to go for my morning coffee (which is, many days, my afternoon coffee) we were a half hour from going to the gathering. Since my "coffee" trips tend to take 45 minutes to a half-hour, during which I listen to music, overthink shit and drink coffee, I had no time for this vital part of my routine. The lack of it, I was feeling by the time we hit the road.

I got there and asked Aunt Karen if she had any, like a junkie looking for a fix. Apparently she doesn't keep any at the ready (fair enough, neither do I) but she was glad to fix a cup with a French Press, which I'd never had before. It was pretty awesome.

It was the usual family gather. wrestling with Cameron and generally being made to do whatever he wanted. It was different in that it was a lunchtime thing rather than a dinner, since the kids had plans to go to the finale of the Next Big Star on YTV. I remained low-key, as I often do, when I wasn't brawling with Cameron. I also managed to unload some of the books I had bought long ago from the book store's "burning our inventory" secret sale.

Earlier in the week, I went to Cary's place for drinks. We talked the usual -- people we know, people Cary knows, people I know... stuff I'm writing, Half-Past. The future. It was reaffirming in some sense because the way Cary and I relate keeps me grounded and puts my shit in perspective. At the same time, I retold some of my freak-out stories from the week before. I also ran into Justine from Sheridan earlier in the night, getting out of class (different classes, mind.) She seems to have mellowed some, although that's just one meeting. We all have.

Still trying to find my solid ground. Earlier this week, I was struck by a recurrence of an idea from long ago that refuses to leave my mind. It's an idea for a TV show, and technically I have no idea how I would go about pursuing it, but I feel I must work towards getting this on TV as a major goal in my life.

So that's something to work toward. I guess what I want least is to wake up in 7 years, be 30, and think to myself, "I haven't even budged."

So keep on rockin'
-Scotto