T: I'll be here a while

Nothing makes me want to reach for the comfort of the bottle like a new school year.

I was not excited about my schedule for this year before the week started. I'm still not.

Due largely to my own flawed decision-making, and bad planning, coupled with the school's general propensity for boning, I've got four classes I pretty much have to take but don't really want to. I haven't got anything I can really sink my teeth into. I had too much fun last year and got spoiled. Now what's left is shit. If I'd known I had signed up for a Film Theory Course, I'd have gone and done Documentary instead. The reason I didn't was I thought it would be too specific. Fack.

Regrets. I have more than a few over the way my scheduling has shaken out. The necessity of each class I can deal with, but taken together, it's bleak. I guess I've just gotten used to University as a luxury... something I was choosing to do and doing my best to have fun with. All the bottom-line requirement stuff has come later. Later being now. The horrible, horrible now.

It'll be okay. Time passes. Shit works itself out. If I do badly, I do badly. If I end up skipping a bunch, it happens. I have to try not to stress over it. It seems weird to submit to my slacker instincts, but that's what happens when I end up taking classes I'm not thrilled about. There is not a single goddamn class this semester I would've chosen for myself. If I get interested, I'll act it. But now I just feel like it's beyond me.

Besides, I never do well in the first semester.

So there's the issue of not caring, the issue of being burdened with all the readings I don't care about, and the issue of spending long, ungodly hours at school for classes I don't care about (why am I doing this again?) I have a feeling my attendance is going to suffer. to wit: I have eight consecutive hours of class on Tuesdays (three of which are for a screening, but still.)

I had a tutorial for Anthropology today. I was by far the least scientific person in there. I'm going to try not to be an asshole about it. The weird thing is, I don't even hate the idea of being in that class, I just feel intimidated. But sometimes I think, y'know, I don't give myself enough credit: my mind's a bit more scientific than I used to think. If I had really thought about it, I might've gone into the sciences out of high school and kept the writing thing as a hobby. Way more practical this way.

Then again, it's hard to argue with the route my Journalism/English life has taken me so far. And I'm not nearly as scientific as I just said I realized I might be.

I just need to not suck this year. Somehow. I'll find time. Even when there isn't any time.

I rant formlessly and without any connecting thoughts.

More of this, later, forever, all year.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto