006: Hold the World

So.

It's day whatever-it-happens-to-be of Quarantine/Social Distancing/Social Isolation/Shelter in Place. I guess it technically began for me on Wednesday the 18th but realistically Friday the 13th (gasp, I hadn't even realized!) was when the world around me started taking this stuff seriously.

For me personally, I've done pretty well with the situation. Admittedly, work can be frustrating because it can be so much harder to focus on which tasks to prioritize, and the nature of the work keeps changing and it can be difficult to tell exactly what the most recent directive is and what I have permission to do. But I don't think I've shown too much struggle lately. In the beginning it was tough because Marija was off for the week and Jess was off for a few days, so staying on top of everything and coping with the inbound work was tough. Now that level has subsided. By the end of the week I felt the communication was a lot more clear. At first I was stressed because mentally work was following me "home" through the night and I was having, like, allocation table dreams. But now my dreams appear to be more normal in scope. Two nights ago I was roaming the city. Last night I was lip synching "Survivor" by Destiny's Child with two contestants from RuPaul's Drag Race. So like I said, normal.

Of course, for the the decompressing from work, it helps that we took two days off in the middle of the week. It was Mel's birthday of course on the 24th and we took some time, and also used up our last few vacation days. I had a few surprises for Mel that were a real hit. I had ordered a new bed for her parents' place since sleeping on my old one there has always been an issue (I won't lie, I don't love it either but I was always willing to suck it up.) The problem is, who knows when we will be able to even try it? I also ordered her a mini Chonky Seal (that I was expecting to be bigger than it was) which went over big.

We tried to take some of those virtual tours but it didn't really work out. We ended up just watching a video of a guy walking around the Louvre for an hour until he gets to the Mona Lisa. He barely looked at much of the art. I madea really nice Macaroni and Cheese for dinner, at Mel's request.

Then, I had also organized a gathering of our friends for a group Skype Call. I found it fitting because she had done a surprise party for me on my 30th birthday and I loved the idea of doing one for her on hers. The only problem is, Mel is hard to surprise because she is pretty impatient so she always wants to know what's going on and I never have the heart to deceive her. So I probably wouldn't have been able to pull it off unless I had gone like a month early (and wouldn't that have been fortuitous!) So when it looked like her birthday was naturally going to fall by the wayside, I simply made the arrangements and never suggested to her that anything was going to happen.

It worked well albeit not without hitches, since I had the party loaded but forgot to turn off the sound, so a few minutes before 8 the murmurings started and I had to claim it was a work call of some kind (flimsy but effective.) Then there were some technical glitches when Unc and Sherlie got on and got stuck in "Share screen" mode so the only thing anyone could see was the white walls of their place. Oops. I had to admit later to Mel that I hadn't actually invited them, or her parents, (just Laura) but it's not like I was going to shoo them away. Well, it was fun, and they didn't overstay, so after that we got to catching up with our friends and playing JackBox and it was quite lovely.

The next day was for pure relaxation, but also featured one of my personal highlights for the week. Randomly, I started a thread on Facebook saying that anyone who liked this I would post a song dedicated to them. I was not really sure what to expect and my original thought was to do it in a cheeky way but I think what people need now is earnestness and sincerity, and the idea of doing it as a gag went out when my Mom was the third person to like it. So I posted songs I knew, or could reasonably guess, the people would like, or ones that had a personal connection between me and them. Very few misses and the word "Perfect" was used a lot. It was actually a little tricky at times but only one person did I cheat and look at their musical tastes listed on Facebook (and in that case I didn't even pick from there.) It was honestly great to get back to relating to people through music - I love books but nothing beats music for me and I wish selling music could still be a job I have (but sadly the world at large rejected me as a critic, and I later rejected it myself.) It made me want to get back to posting about music, perhaps this is a thing I will do for my FB people during this time.

That's really the thing - wishing I could use QuaranTime to do something creative. Lord knows I was bitching enough about having no time before this went down but it's not like it has given me any more time. It's get up, work - don't get distracted, don't get distracted - power down, dinner, couple time. I don't have zero time of course, I managed to start a story (but I got a ways into it before realizing this was not the angle I wanted to take into it - see, this is why you can't just poop out a masterpiece on your lunchbreak!)

In a way, I'm jealous and frustrated of people who can use this time to pursue something they are passionate about. Me, I'm stuck fretting over inventory transfer caps to online and upcoming initial buys. What's nice, however, is that it feels like my mind has loosened up a little bit, and I am expressing myself differently in online spaces than I have in a while. The "Old Me," but like....the good one.

I think I am doing well. Although I initially felt anxious about restrictions placed on the how and when I should be leaving the apartment - and what I must be doing with my time here - reality is what it is and if you can adjust to it it's better. So of course, we won't be going to the grocery store more than we have to, I'm thinking maybe in the middle of the week, maybe every nine days or so. I do get tired of cooking every night, which can be put down partly on lack of space, lack of will to keep things tidy and all the dishes to do. We ordered in pizza one night this week and I picked up sushi last night. Tip generously. Wash your hands. One thing that set me off last week was Mel saying we were getting more and more workout circuits to do from Jenna, and now had a backlog of three. I was surprised (since we had only been going to the gym once a week) and said that sounded like a lot. Except I guess to Mel it seemed like I was yelling it. So we had a brief fight about my negative response and a brief fight about fighting and I tried to apologize sincerely and talk about how if we're going to make it through this we need to be careful because we're all we've got. Like I said, I think I'm doing well, but you never know when you are going to find yourself a walking raw nerve. It feels bad.

On a sad note, my friend Alex's father passed away from COVID-19. It was very saddening to get the updates from her on his status throughout the week. You hear things like that and you think of your own family, your loved ones. This shit is no joke. We may make jokes to get through it and ease our minds, but the stakes are real. This is what we're up against.

Mel and I have been watching the Rocky movies, which she really seems to like, and she wants to watch the Godfathers after. Friday, we gathered around Zoom (better than Skype, and they lifted the time restriction) to wish Sherlie a Happy Birthday. Then we played a long-distance game of Farkle, which was quite fun. Last night was Earth Hour; we played some more Farkle by candlelight and I read to her, the Jasmine Guillory book she's been nearly finished for months.

You've got to find the tender moments.

Stay well and keep on rockin'
-Scotto