9: Dark Orange

It's a sunny day outside my window, and it might not even be that cold by now.

The early Spring of 2025 has been dreary and gray and cold. Fucking hell it's been cold here. Not like blizzard conditions mind you, but consistently between -5 and 5. This is of consequence to me of course because of all the different reasons I have to drag my ass out of the house day after day: two walks for Hank, commuting to and from work, and then whatever other errands I neglected on any given day.

It sounds whiny, and that it might very well be, but don't we deserve to whine a little? The word is shit, and life has ground me down a lot more than usual lately, can we not get at least somewhat better weather?

Mel's studying this afternoon for her second of three exams. I can't remember if I told you the whole business about the first one, which she sadly did not pass on her first attempt but came back and squeezed by on #2.

I've been quiet lately, not just because life has been relatively uneventful, but also because I'm waiting for something to happen. Or more accurately, I'm waiting for the time to come for me to take a certain action. It hasn't arrived yet but it is imminent and I'll have news for you on that front very soon. Until then I have to sort of talk around the issue.

What I can tell you is that work has been shittier than usual. That has nothing to do with the character of the work, mind you. It's the same work, same tasks, same philosophy as it ever was, the stuff I have long since mastered and can do with my allotted hours. I had my year-end conversation with Maria a few weeks back, and it was a total love fest, in spite of the fact that I was arriving later and leaving earlier than pretty much anybody. There was that ever-present note of speaking up and making your voice heard more and more, which I get -- I somewhat resent it, but I get it, there's a basis to that. I can accept that feedback even if, year after year, I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to do with it.

At the beginning of this month, of course, things changed. We got the news back in February that they wanted us back in office four days per week, which was shocking to hear even if it should have been expected. Later that day, Maria took me aside and said she'd gotten the okay from Phil to say that those on our team could take one day to work from home midweek, as long as we were here on Monday and did not stay home any day when we have some kind of cross-functional meeting. I'm not a huge fan of this much algebra to determine when I can stay home, but I am grateful for the compromise. So far I have stayed home Tuesdays. After Monday -- which always feels like a shock because of coming off the weekend -- I can use the day to catch up on things at my own pace, and then get in gear for the rest of the week. Previously, the chunk of three days in the middle of the week felt like a marathon that I was dead by the end of, and staying home Mondays never did me much good (besides having a good wakeup time) because of all the time I had to spend on calls. It's all well and good for now, I'm coping, but it does get me thinking about what the future holds.

I don't mind spending some time at the office. The people are fun, the vibe is good. Two days would be fine, three days it starts to feel like you live there. At any moment our exception feels like it could be pulled away from us and we'll be up to four. The other factor is, I was told by Maria in very clear terms that I needed to be there for 9 -- I could still dip out at 3:30, but I had to be there at 9, no ifs ands or buts. So I've been waking up at 5:50 lately to get Hank his walk, do what little routine I can before I go, and get the train -- either the 7:27 or 7:41. That gives me time to grab a bagel, which I've been doing at Mel's office rather than at the Bagel Stop on Simcoe lately, because they just burned my bagel one too many times, but I've never had anything but good experiences with the Bay Street one. It's out of my way but I have time and it's worth it. This gets me to my desk somewhere between 8:30 and 8:45 (depending on the train and other factors.) If I eat lunch at my desk, that's still technically 7 hours of work, which is pretty good right? (Allowing time for settling in, getting lunch if needed, and grabbing afternoon coffee). 

That 9 AM start is where the misery really is. I have no energy at all for a lot of the day, especially on Mondays, until the coffee kicks in and I'm bouncing off the walls for a few hours in the afternoon. Who wants to live like this? What does my life look like after a few more years of this?

I think you see where I'm going with this, but I don't want to count my chickens just yet.

So, that's all what's been going on. We saw Mom last weekend for Mel's belated birthday. We went to Mandarin but it was a little uninspired. She updated us on her house, work, and some family issues we didn't have the details on. Typical dinner with mom. We still have yet to see dad since he's been in the states and will be coming home soon -- hopefully.

Beyond that, I'm trying to find time to write and create, but I'm giving myself grace that life has changed and I need to adjust and not feel bad that I don't have the same amount of room for all the things I like to do. Sometimes it feels like I'm simply not doing it, but that may also be because I'm putting a lot of time into things that don't yield "results." I should enjoy it for its own sake more.

Anyway, that's life; Hank is being a bit of a whiny baby today but I can't give him all my attention. Sometimes we can't get what we want, you know?

Harsh but true. Thanks Mick.

Keep on rockin

-Scotto