11: House in Order

I wasn't sure what to call this entry, but that's the title of an issue of X-Men I'm about to write up for the blog and it's also an early R.E.M. lyric so it makes sense.

Unsurprisingly I did not turn right around and write this post, but eh, close enough, right?

So, a lot has been going on in the midst of all this quitting stuff. The weather has been very reluctant to embrace spring and get warm, although one or two days were cranked into the twenties, it has settled back down under 10.

April was largely a blur -- we went out to Waterdown the weekend before Easter to get Hank's picture taken at a fundraiser for BATM. We did our taxes, which was a whole... thing... or things, but it seems to have worked out fine. What had happened was that we had been asked in mid-2024 to submit supporting documentation for our medical claims, which I missed because the notification never reached my email (I checked and checked.) I didn't hear about it until they put a notice of collection out in January. That was annoying, but we gathered all the documents and submitted and I just found out today we are free and clear. Taxes were not breezy this year either because as much as I love Mel sometimes us putting out heads together doesn't work as well as I'd like it to. But we got through it and it should be fine and I will be sure to check over the summer if they do require supporting docs.

Easter Weekend was big and busy. We saw everyone. We went to lunch with my mom at North Coal, which she declared her new favourite spot in Burlington, even though they mixed up our orders -- we had both ordered a steak bowl but mine was medium and hers was medium rare. I asked the waitress if she was sure which one was which and she assured me, but I realized partway through they mine was on the rare side. I still ate it and was forgiving when I told her.

Mom told us she had sold her house, thus ending that drama, and while the results weren't perfect, the point is it's done and she no longer has to worry about that quagmire.

The next night we saw Dad and Deb and caught up with them about their California trip and all that -- no problems at the border but they did get pulled over for speeding in the national park. Oops.

Dad was less enthused than others about my quitting. He said he couldn't quite approve of quitting a job without something to go to, which I understand. He sure spent plenty of time unemployed over the years and knows well enough to value job security. But I told him that I needed out and that I didn't have energy to do the job search while I was working and he acknowledged the validity of that. Brandon piped up and mentioned there may be some freelance work at his site, so I pursued that, and after a bunch of back and forth it didn't amount to anything. Part of that may be due to my crappy negotiating skills but I honestly think they weren't looking to pay nearly a fraction of what I'm worth. Which is not to say I think I'm worth $$$ but to comment on what they were looking to pay.

Well hey, easy come, easy go -- I didn't quit this job thinking I could do work for them, it was just a nice thought while it was on the table (and enabled me to tell people honestly that "I had leads on freelance work.") Maybe someday we can revisit, because in all honesty it's something I would like to do if the money was right, but I think we're still pretty far apart on the value of time. Mel was skeptical about me spending all that much time on something that wasn't going to pay much anyway.

Like, I can't imagine putting in hours and hours or research and writing for... what, $25? I could do some joe schmo work for that, but nothing that requires brains.

(Sour grapes or an honest appraisal of the situation?)

Sunday, we went to Mel's parents' house for "lunch" that somehow lasted until 9. It was a lot, especially with the babies there to be fussed over. A long night that left us all drained and ended with one of the more embarrassing incidents of my brain fog, which I would rather not re-live.

The other story from that day happened beforehand when Mel and I were the targets of road rage on the QEW. That was a new one. Apparently some guy took exception to my merge. He got in front of us, gave us the finger, yelled out the window, gave us the finger again, cut us off repeatedly, swerving all over the road without any turn signals, before finally getting off a few exits before us. It kinda sucked but we put in a report and felt fine about it afterward. Ryan gave us some tips on how to handle that situation in the future.

Monday -- this past Monday, not the one after Easter -- I started spreading the news about my quitting. There was some surprise, not necessarily because of wanting to quit but actually going through with it, because hey, who does that? I can't remember if anyone asked "why," because I feel like the reasons are a little self-evident. I've been framing it as wanting to pursue new things, which is true, and downplaying the obvious factor of disgruntlement with the company. I keep being sure to hit the "I'm lucky to have a safety net" note, and there was the freelancer thing that made people go "Hm, okay" while I was semi-true.

I let the cat out of the bag more widely on Wednesday in kind of a weird, inadvertent way. I was sitting with Maria to show her some of my tips and tricks about managing Kobo, and after the meeting was done, Brandon asked "How long are you going away for?" and I said "Forever!" From there it became kind of a sensation as the word spread, and I have to admit I was a little giddy to be the main character of the office for a day. I worried that I seemed a bit too happy to leave.

There's still part of me that thinks it could end up being a mistake, that I should have suffered longer, but why? I just don't see a way forward. Eight years have gone by pretty quick -- what do I want the next eight years to look like? It's not 6 AM wakeups and hourlong train rides and John McClane baths in the office restroom.

The next step, once I have a bit of breathing room, will be to set an agenda. I haven't been unemployed since 2009, except for the month between HMV and Coles, and I haven't been unoccupied ever. I need to figure out what I am going after and what the structure of my life, as I pursue it, will be. What does the job search look like, what do I do to develop my skills, how do I incorporate my personal work, housework, and tending to Mel?

I have braced her for the fact that this is not a short blip. If all I needed was a new job, I probably would have at least tried to apply for more while I was working, but it's clear my life needs to look different and this is a project that could take six months to a year (I don't think she's excited about a year of unemployment, but we'll check back in six months.)

God. If they had never pulled us back into the office -- at least not for three soul-sucking days out of five to start with -- I could have been perfectly happy being unhappy for a very long time. I could have done, say, Mondays and Wednesdays (although Monday morning is not fun, I have noted the abundance of meetings on a Monday made it a less-fun WFH day) for a long while. Or Tuesdays and Wednesdays. It's nice to see people some of the time, I get it. But I do think this entire situation was too fragile to last. I'm not meant to do this anymore. This job doesn't work for me, brother.

Crazy, crazy to think.

In the midst of all this was a federal election that went about the way I thought it would. We have bolstered ourselves against right-wing fascism, rejecting vocal Trumpism largely but not unanimously. I would like to get more involved and help nudge this country a little more in the direction I think it ought to go. Perhaps that's something I can do to add meaning to my life in the future.

I think that will bring you up to speed for now. The clock is ticking...

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto