pt XVII: Let's do it anyway

Let's give this blogging thing a try.

It's been an interesting day. Well, interesting to me, and no doubt also to my dozens of readers out there in the blogiverse. I awoke this morning with a sense of purpose and direction. I went to Coffee Time this morning and met up with Alyssa. She's back in town for the time being, and naturally we had to meet up.

While oftentimes it can be difficult to reconnect with an old friend, it's not like that with Alyssa. Truthfully it hasn't been like that with any of my friends from White Oaks, but it's different here. Here it's not about catching up, it's about doing what we always do, having the same types of conversations we've always had that are mixtures of philosophy, social critique, nostalgia, and puns... numerous puns.

It's no secret that I'm a sucker for a good conversation. All of my best friends excel at conversation.

So I hope all of you out there are lucky enough to have friends without the obligation of going through a weird "hey, long time no see" phase. Where, meeting in a coffee shop with four months since your last meeting, nothing is different, and not a word needs be said to bridge the gap between then and now. I wouldn't put it as tritely as "picking up where you left off," but it feels like, what you have will always be there. The friendship is an entity unto itself.

I made some remark that so much of the world isn't "in on the joke." I'm glad that most of my friends are. I think a lot of people would get along better if they could be, but it doesn't seem like that could ever happen.

It's no secret that I get really lonely sometimes, feeling like all my friends have left town. It's always nice to be reminded that that doesn't make a damn bit of difference.

The rest of the day seemed to float by innocently. I did some photo editing, furthered along my page 1, et cetera and so forth. In Writing for Newspapers, it was just a quick activity, which was a contest - a contest I won, somehow. I don't know, everything seems kind of a blur.

I wrote my paper for Andrew Mitrovica tonight. I think it's good; it's better than the previous version of that paper. It's very long-story journalismy. The sentences are, for the most part, clear, simple, and concise (that's how that expression goes, not "brief!") There are metaphors. Sentences are kept short. Qualifiers are kept to a minimum. I did every ridiculous thing he asked me to. I can feel, however, that I'm not going to get a very good mark on it, because Mitrovica is an ass like that. No matter how well I think I've done, it can't possibly be good enough. That's just the way he is. Something I've come to accept. Not a very good teacher. I've had very good teachers. They've marked me very fairly and in numerous cases I got worse marks than I have from Mitrovica. But their marks mattered to me. They made the connection between the marks and the paper and I don't think Mitrovica gets that. So I'll do exactly what he asks me, to the best of my ability, get a middle-ground mark, and shrug it off.

Or maybe this will be the one. you know, not every last shred of hope has been crushed. Maybe this will be the one that cracks the ice and proves at last that I can kick ass with the words. But I always have that hope, and it usually doesn't work out, because I write in a somewhat affected manner. Sad but true, when I hand in a paper I think is great, I get it back, re-read it, and think "this guy sounds so arrogant - wait, that's me!" I don't think I have that problem this time. Maybe I do. Maybe he'll say I do. I don't care.

I really don't. It's amazing how, whenever I am bogged down in work, my stress reflex just shuts down and I get so zen. I feel more capable that way. It's easier for me to manage 5 projects at once than if only one big one is due. I take them one at a time. I've found this strange sort of inner peace, if only for the moment.

So I'll continue to do what I'm doing, the way I'll always do it, the way I've always done it. I've been lucky. I've been so fortunate, and I want to tell the people I care about, and who have helped me over the past year, just how good I feel. I think they know who they are.

Keep on rockin'
-Scott Williams-