XV: An Echo Cross the Void

I have finally done my now-traditional Interneta update for the holidays (click post title.) Now all that's left is to go to sleep with visions of sugar plumbs and whatnot.

It would be a welcome change. Last night I had such a weird dream... there was this odd girl who was familiar but different... someone I know, but not how I know her. You know?

It's rare that I'll say "I'm not comfortable going into it" on the blog. After all, if I truly wasn't, why would I have brought it up? I needed to get it off my chest, yet doing so exposes a bit much. Dreams can be so frustrating in how beyond our control they are. All I'm going to say is that I need to find someone new to star in my dreams, and leave it at that.

Today was... a blur of money-taking, receipt printing, and barcode scanning. I fucked up, more than once, but it seemed to be more or less fine, despite (or perhaps because of?) the chaos of the element. There was a lot of shit confusing the usual routine, although when once comes after the other in the course of an hour, it got me down. So I picked myself up and stopped screwing up. It happens, but you move on.

I have issues. Let's not deny that. Insecurity. Self-consciousness. Awkwardness. Usual stuff but in a strangely exaggerated manner, I think. I deal with it. It's there, but I deal with it.

I hadn't felt much in the Christmas spirit. I occasionally managed a "Merry Christmas" after completing a transaction, but it was half-hearted. After getting wished a Merry Christmas, I often replied "Happy New Year," since I like New Year's better anyway. On one very weird and awkward occasion, I wished someone a "Happy day."

A lot of the stuff feels perfunctory. The tree hasn't inspired me. Nor have the presents. I haven't seen many specials on TV and those tht do haven't jingled my bells (if you'll pardon the expression.) The Brian Setzer dvd that would occasionally play at work. I just shut it all out. Then something happened.

After work, I was at dinner with dad. He's going to North Bay on Wednesday so he wanted a dinner with us early, and we like not having to prepare our own. We were shut out of Swiss Chalet, because they closed early for the holidays. We wound up at Super Buffet. There we were, 5 of us around a table, in this somewhat dim restaurant, quiet, all eating Kung Pao Pork or shrimp salad or whatever, playing in the background very feintly is the Chipmunks Christmas song. It was such a grand Christmas eve moment. I don't know why. It wasn't all that memorable, but it was just that moment when I realized that yes, Christimas can still hold magic. After all, the unspoken truthn of this story is that I was out with my family, enjoying a meal in a public restaurant, quite serenely.

I'm gonna read "Night Before Christmas" before I go to bed. I'm in that kinda sentimental mood.

It's tomorrow. Scratch that... in just over a half hour from this post's ending.

Make it a merry one, or in the words of Baldrick: "Messy Kwyznuz."

And I heard him exclaim ere he drove out of sight... Merry Christmas to all, and Keep on rockin'
Scotto