VIII: There's never any true control

Although I'm not much in the blogging spirit today (or lately in general) today ought to have some done. I was at work from 11-7, as per my rescheduled shift to accomodate my plans. This is the beginning of a 3-day stretch wherein I'll be working each night until close (no later, hurray.)

So I worked and, for the most part, without incident. Yes, when working retail, you're bound to screw something minor up here and there, and there will be plenty of ways for things to get out of your control, even.

But it was a long day of pushing register keys and swiping cards, mostly. My big snafu came right at the end when I was in the throes of escaping for the night, brusquely brushed off some woman who needed help. I feel bad about it, but mentally I was already off the clock and the wrong guy to ask. This mirrors earlier today when I was about to go on break.

A few weeks ago, during one of my first shifts, a guy called fanatically (but in a very calm, although almost nervous tone) requested Andy Williams Christmas CD's., I spent a very long time on the phone with this gentleman and compelted his order. Moments before I was about to walk away from the cash register, the phone rings. No-one else is available to pick it up. Against my better judgment, I do, and it's him. Knowing it will be a lengthy process talking to this gentleman, I just put him on hold and ask someone to take it for me. Someone did, but noted, "Usually, you should finish taking care of a customer before going on break."

I don't want to be known as the guy who just leaves people in the lurch. I'm constantly walking the floors bothering people to see if I can help them. Sometimes the people just happen to need help at times when I... am not in any responsible form, and have shed my "customer service" persona. I politely but abruptly told the woman "I'm sorry I can't help you," but I might as well have said "Fuck you lady I'm going home," since her reaction may have been the same. And I still feel bad, because I like to help people. I just don't like it when those people need my help at one of two inconvenient times when I am about to leave.

Those two examples I gave did not make me look good. They certainly weren't meant to. I'm only human, and while I can smile and endure virtually anything while I am walking that floor, as soon as my mind has decided I'm off the clock... well I'm just like anybody else. (Except I just happened to still be wearing the t-shirt, a mistake I won't repeat in the future.)

I went to see "Our Town," which I may discuss more in the future (which means I probably won't.) It was a good play, and certainly well acted. However a pall settled over the performance when I learned of some seeminlgy major drama between Rosser and his students. I have a tremendous amount of respect and appreciation for what Rosser does. He and I have often related on a level I rarely do with a teacher. He has helped me reign in my stress-management issues on more than one occasion, he has helped me improve not only my writing but my performances. He's taught me a lot. But sometimes, he just loses it. Just like I did. It's not pleasant, but knowing the universe has that sort of synchronicity is oddly comforting for a Buddhist. People get frustrated. It happens. Things don't go to plan always. You adapt.

After the show, Chrisbrown, Alyssa and I went out for coffee and a breeze-shooting. It was comforting, after a long day of commerce and drama, that I could come back to a relaxed caffinated atmosphere and get back to my reality.

I hope you all are well. And if not, I hope you find your way.

Keep on rockin'
-Scott