x17: Another thing nobody needs

So I feel like I'm about to snap, which is definitely not the right headspace I should be in to go to work tomorrow.

The interface for blogger is being weird right now and it's sapping my will to write, but I'll press through.

I think the phrase that best sums it up is... "waughhh."

E-zine delays. Slow internet connections. Bundles of assignments upon bundles of assignments. Recurring illness maybe. No inspiration. No direction. No respite. Man, take your pick what my biggest problem is right now. As I type this, the cursor moves slowly across the field, just a step behind my fingers. My life crawls on the floor tearing at its hair.

I'm just choking on this shit. Drowning. My head is being held under the watter. I'm not struggling, not more than anyone else, it's just too goddamn much. you hear me world? You're seriously asking too much and I don't think I'm going to take any more.

What can I say? I've had it for now. And I've got two or three weeks left of it, which is the worst part, but I'm reaching my boiling point and if I don't back off for now I'm gonna blow. You all know me, you know I'm capable of simply exploding, but I don't think you could anticipate what's bubbling under my surface.

And it's only monday. But I was sitting in law class today and I just thought, "I've gotta get out of here. I'm going to die here, with this laptop plugged into the table and this desk chair that'll never be at the proper height and this teacher asking unanswered questions to comatose students." I don't know what to do about that.

This is sort of a weird, vague, almost cryptic entry and I don't like it but it's got to get out in the world. I need to make this known. On Facebook my status has been for a while "Scott is wanting to get off the grid." That's a small part of my big problem. I don't mean to sound melodramatic -- because this sort of thing isn't normally what I'm about -- but did you ever just look at society and think, "Jesus, there's something seriously wrong here, this isn't how things should be."

And I can't fix society, God knows I won't even try, but I can pick myself up by my bootstraps and fix myself. It's just gonna take some time and patience.

I didn't sit down with this post in mind, and I resisted writing it, but this is all that would come out.

Keep on rockin'
Scott