7-3: You can't keep me in

There's a lot that I want to talk about, but probably won't be able to tonight. I want to be upbeat, I want to have a good time, because it's one of those rare times I feel capable of that, but sadly, my sense of righteous outrage will not abate. I tried it the other night and I got frustrated. Tonight I've got to release it or else explode.

Last night I was at Ferguson's for a barbecue. I didn't eat anything, that's my business, and anyone who knows me well enough understands. But I had a few drinks and hung out. As I arrived, I was virtually immediately pulled aside by Chrisbrown who asked what I thought of the Chris Benoit situation. I sighed.

Earlier that evening I had been in the car with my brother Eric, mom and Tim on the way to grocery shopping. Mom, or Tim, or somebody, mentioned what they'd heard in the news about Benoit, and after the conversation went on for a moment, I interjected, "I'd rather not talk about it." I'd sat by silently (by choice) as my dad and brothers talked at length about it Wednesday night before dinner. I had to think about it all evening on Monday (nearly in tears, mind you,) and all day tuesday. I had to go by newspaper boxes every day where the Sun has a graphic of Benoit above the masthead asking in bold letters "'ROID RAGE?" or proclaiming, "RING OF DEATH" or as in today's monstrously exploitative "JUICE FREAK." Oh, those fellas down at the Sun certainly don't let conscience or sensitivity get in the way of a boffo front page. Assholes.

So by Thursday night I was exhausted, but because CB is my friend and eager to discuss this intelligently, I was happy to indulge him in the conversation. I told him something that I had been saying privately to myself for days: that I felt somewhat betrayed, as I had counted Benoit as being among my wrestling heroes, and that he had tarnished that memory with millions of worldwide fans over the course of a weekend. And now the media has jumped on it like the ravenous barracudas they seem to pride themselves as being at this point of the decade. Miserable fuckers eager to turn a buck. Every month it's an Anna Nicole or a Paris Hilton or a Don Imus and now it's Chris Benoit. Evil steroid freak wrestler loses mind and kills family, self: open and shut in the court of public opinion. CB was very quick to point out that if you're alive, you're innocent until proven guilty. If you can't defend yourself, of course... not that I'm defending his actions, but here we have Phil Spector still in the "alleged" murderer category, but because Benoit is dead and gone, no need to look for suspects (and that is an actual quote, they made a point of saying they were not seeking other leads,) and it was steroids. That's the stupidest fucking thing.

It's easy to make this a buzzword. The Virginia Tech killer was a murderer because he played violent video games (even though according to his roommates, he actually did not,) and steroids make people kill their families and themselves, even though steroids are often legally prescribed to athletes to help them recover from injuries, particularly Chris Benoit's very serious spinal fusion surgery he underwent years ago. Or that he tested negative for steroids as recently as April and that since November 2005 the WWE has enforced a very serious and strict Wellness Policy banning anybody who shows up with so much as "elevated liver enzymes" from competing. But nobody knows or cares about that, do they? Because it's easy and fun to write about steroids. Once the media decides that's it, that's it.

Because a week ago, who was Chris Benoit? He was just some musclehead wrestler working for (the evil, worthless) WWE, which is filled with similar musclehead steroid-abusing wrestlers, as far as the world at large is concerned. And none of these reporters or TV anchor people knew or cared who he was, because what is wrestling? It's fake, right? Big musclefreaks slamming each other and pretending it hurts, smearing fake blood around and eventually pretending to lose. Except... the pain is acutally real, and so is the blood, and the wear and tear these wrestlers go through on their bodies is as real as it gets. They do not take time off to heal or get surgery for fake injuries. They, and Chris Benoit in particular, don't take very much time off at all. Despite what "the world at large" thinks of them, they work very hard to please the people who do accept them and what they do, and that hard work takes a serious toll. The pressure from their company and peers to remain in shape, through strenuous training or through physique-enhancing drugs is immense and your body cannot always cope, nor can your mind. And when you take a lump to the head -- and you can ask Bret Hart what a concussion can do to you, because a few years back his career-ending concussions led to a stroke -- and you have to keep working, because of that pressure, and ethic, it can break you. It can fucking break you. But no, no. Steroids did it.

Fuck the media. The real world is faker than pro wrestling.

It's been a very difficult time, you might understand, to be a fan of pro wrestling. With all this excessive coverage, I feel very exposed not only as someone who comments on the media (being somewhat versed in its ways after the past two years - if it bleeds, you know, it leads, especially on the Toronto Sun those assholes) and also as someone who was more well acquainted with Chris Benoit as a performer and wrestling as a lifestyle (since the death of Eddie Guerrero I've studied it very carefully) than any of those self-righteous judgmental pricks writing the news copy could possibly have been. But whatever. Steroids. That's the story.

I've tried to ignore it, but Eric is watching Nancy Grace (well, her underling) going on about it to no end, saying stupid things like "Obviously we can't comment on steroids until the toxicology reports come out, but that could take weeks, and all we can do is speculate, so let's speculate." The translation being, "We need a story and this is hot: discuss!" I've been saying since Monday that time will tell. I just want to wait and see how it turns out, especially since by then all the stupid reactionary outrage will have died down and everybody can go back to not caring about those stupid steroid-junkie wrestlers... who are still out there trying to doi their jobs like anyone else and live their lives (but people don't like to think about that, do they? It's too hard to be compassionate, and not very profitable.)

I think what Chris BEnoit did is horrible, as I've said, and it's hard enough for me as a fan to wrap my brain around it. But even worse is what it has wrought.

I won't even comment on some of the other smack people were talking at the BBQ. Suffice it to say that, despite CB's and my protests (although I indulged a small bit to show that I'm still me,) "Benoit" is now a fucking verb, a punchline. you can imagine. This is not how he should be remembered, but then again, he shouldn't have been remembered as a murderer at all, so let the dominoes fall.

Like I said, I'm going to work on some updates for the weekend. My rant here has left me tired and drained, physically and emotionally. I want to go back to my happy life of creating goofy comics and listening to rock and roll, and writing about both. 'Nuff said, true believer.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto

ADDENDUM: If you want to learn more aobut this, read Tributes by Dave Meltzer, specifically the chapters on Brian Pillman, Louie Spicolli and to a lesser extent Art Barr. Knowledge is the first step to understanding.