S: Suddenly she stops to defy gravity

There are many memories from this summer that will inevitably be forgotten; often for the better. I probably won't remember, a year from now, how I felt when I got home from my U of T orientation, exhausted and confused about the future. The Live-Earth concert was on. Don't ask why I drummed that memory up. There's just a lot that's going to fall through the cracks.

If I'm lucky, I won't remember the misery that's sitting on my neck right now. I'm hoping I don't have to see a doctor over it.

Then there are things I'll read -- many entries from the past three months -- and wonder what was going thorugh my head when I wrote them. I often don't even know while I'm writing them. I just let what comes out come. A lot of this pseudo-depressed nonsense came from that.

But the truth is, this summer can be officially be ruled to have sucked. It just has. The highlight thus far has basically been meeting a person from Scotland.

This is also the first thursday in about a month not to involve drinking. The circumstances that led to each of the previous 4 were unique and unrelated, and I guess the streak just wasn't gonna stay alive.

I'm sort of testing myself. I haven't had a coke yet today. I want one, and after I'm done writing this, I'll probably go get it. I just didn't bother, which is a unique notion for an acknowledged junkie.

I don't want to be (depressed/unmotivated/lonely.) It seems shitty for me to bemoan my situation when seemingly, I've got it pretty good. Once I got zen about not having a job (during the trip to Niagara Falls,) the ducks sorta started to fall into a row. Everything started to make a little more sense. Then it got cloudy a bit - over the weekend and earlier this week - and now here we are. Back, more or less, to zen. As good as it can be, I suppose, all things considered.

There are things, I (suppose/concede/understand) that need to be changed. Some of them will change naturally, some of them I'll figure out in due time. There's also bureaucracy that needs taking care of, including course registration on monday.

We were supposed to go grocery shopping tonight but aren't. The story behind that is, like every word written here, basically inconsequential except to say, hey, it's effed up man. Mom had to take Brando to the vet (erm... with his cat,) and so "was tired." She offered to take us tomorrow morning. I'd rather not, and Eric intends to be sleeping, but she's the one with the car. This is the first time I've ever thought, "Wow, a driver's license would solve this problem." I should probably get on that.

I'm so freaking unmotivated. CAn't even muster up the rest of this post.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto