VIII: The unfortunate feeling of coming down

This entry's title from some remark my brother made about his history of excess.

Ah. Welcome to the working week. Not that I work, but I do like Elvis Costello. It was actually kind of a busy day for myself as I had my follow-up visit with the Doc as well as a few other meagre errands to run.

Yesterday, I erased my debts to the library. At the beginning of summer I had kept two graphic novels out way too long and accumulated about $5.50 in fines. This is hardly the most atrocious debt I've ever heard of mind you... my friend Josh once beamed at his $90-plus bill for keeping a book on Bill Clinton basically forever. But it's enough that if I went in there, I'd be like, "I don't wanna pay."

On a lark, I paid off finally so I could take home their copy of 1,001 albums you must hear before you die. I started thumbing through it in the library, but naturally, a book of that scope is, er, fuckin' huge. so I had to bring it home. It's a good read, with some good observations on the most popular and lauded albums of all time, as well as some obscurities and underrated classics. I think I've mentioned it before in this blog (it contains every single album Dexys Midnight Runners ever recorded, which indicates they were really seriously scouring.) I also picked up a book on the Simpsons, because ever since the movie I've been on a kick for classic simpsons goodness. Plus, it reminded me, ironically, of a one-off gag from an episode, where the library hangs a banner proclaiming proudly: "We have books about TV!"

So I saw the doctor and she took a look at my cyst. That's a sentence I certainly never thought I'd be typing at 20 years old. Apparently the pills are taking efect and, if things work out, I won't have to visit E.R. Which is a shame, really, because I'd love to meet Maura Tierney *(warning: stupid joke alert. The previous sentence was not to be read by people seeking comedic gratification.)

I think I'm going to tie this one off quick. It's not been an interested few days - unsurprisingly - and I'm feeling tired. So much for, you know, pathos and attempts at something they might call humour. Comedy is nebulose, man, I don't know what's funny and any time I've ever been funny in my life, that's luck, because I'm the least dependably funny person I can think of. You can see it in my writing, man. I can be droll, but I have a hard time with the funny stuff, which is ultimately the most rewarding stuff to write. I remember being in improv and getting huge laughs from the audience for saying the stupidest things, and afterward I would have to keep saying, "I can't believe they laughed at that!" And then there was my startlingly awkward turn as a talk show host in grade 10 commtech. I guess I was the right guy for the job, but that doesn't mean it wasn't painful for all involved.

I don't believe I'm not funny, or that I can't be funny when call upon, just that I'm inconsistent. I made a joke to Eric that before writing the next Sewerman issues, we should sit down each time and watch Ingmar Bergman's the Seveth Seal for inspiration.

Sometimes, humour is observing the obvious, and sometimes it's trading that for the unexpectedly appropriate. It's hard to put into words. I still get chills recalling my panicked reaction wshen asked years ago by a younger schoolmate "what is comedy" or how to be funny. Shit man, you can't teach it. You become it. It's a self discipline, and either you're good or get better, or you suck and get worse. Or you're just like me, and you keep trying and sometimes hit.

It's got to be natural, though. Even awkwardness like Woody Allen's routines are just natural. You can't laboyr over that. It has to simply be.

(That's why awkward, forced, stilted comedy shows often found on Canadian TV, not naming names, seem so unappealing to me. They always seem to just reach too far for it, too hard.)

I had no idea I was going to write about this. I suppose it was better than writing about nothing, if you like more words instead of less. Me, I could've gone either way, but as always, it beats writing about my actual life.

Keep on rockin'
Commander Williams