Part VIII: Arguing with machines

For two weeks in a row, I had something to do on a friday night. I don't tonight, but I may tomorrow... I hope. For now, it's relaxing, attempting to not be bored by my own life.

Today was not so unusual a day. A friday I long deserved and anticipated. The last day before reading week. My 10-ride ticket exhausted, I bought a day pass, figuring, oh, what difference does it make?

I did manage to get that essay done last night. It didn't take terribly long although how I actually did on it is anybody's guess. All I can say is that it did in fact get done, which surprised even me. I guess if I were serious about my "better student" resolution I wouldn't keep pushing things to the last minute like that, but all I can do is pick myself up by my bootstraps. Whatever that is supposed to mean...

I was comparing notes with this guy before the philosophy tutorial. He was an overachiever from computer science who wrote 1300 words of a 500-750 word piece, single-spaced and size 10 verdana font, the smallest face. I just laughed and shook my head; "are you kiddin' me? He'll probably dock you marks." In class we talked robots.

My motivation was renewed for that class the other night when I realized that the midterm - which unless I'm mistaken, I totally failed - was worth only 10%,the same as this essay and several other assignments on which I did acceptably. Maybe things will be fine. Maybe not but I see myself as having a chance... as Eric said, "A fail is better than an incomplete." Amen bro.

In what must've seemed like wisdom but was really just a minor inconvenience, my English tutorial was cancelled for this week. So I had to go by the cafeteria at Trinity college, where my TA holds his "office" to pick up an essay I had written in a single day several weeks ago. I was nervous and didn't know what to expect, although I had a good feeling I had to remind myself that U of T is a tough place and that I should be happy with a 74 or so. I got there and he called over to me. I sat down and he handed me my essay. I flipped to the back against his reminders that there were plenty of good comments in the margins. There was a lengthy typed message about close-reading and grammar followed by my mark.

80.

Word.

Neither of us having anything pressing to attend, we talked a while, about my essay, (for whatever reason I blurted the abridged version of its rushed origin,) about the course; how well I was doing as a student and he was doing as a TA. I told him about my background in Sheridan and how I still lived in Oakville, and then got on my way. There was nothing good to eat there and I wanted to pick up some lunch before my next tutorial.

On a hunch I went to Wymilwood. They used to have good sandwiches there but I hadn't seen anything to get excited about in a while. But on this day they did. And just as I was purchasing this sandwich, and stowing it in my bag for later, I noticed someone waving at me; an acquaintence or maybe friend, from philosophy lecture (as opposed to tutorial.) Brittany (the second I'd met since coming to U of T.) She was eating some kind of soup. I went over and took a seat.

We sat and talked a while, since I hadn't seen her for most of the semester and honestly most of the times I've ever seen her we sat silently and then chatted briefly before parting ways. This time I was sitting across from her and we had to make conversation. We did, and it was only minimally awkward, and only at certain points, gaps in the thread of conversation. Eventually she had to go to class and it was wise for me to go too, so I headed to Innis. I ate my sandwich there rather than at Wymilwood, since old habits seem to die hard, and read my course reader as I did so. It was mostly a collection of generic overviews of film noir - generic both in the sense as an examination of noir as a genre (or not a genre) and in that they weren't anything spectacular.

Eventually it was my last tutorial of the day. Neither of the people I know where there (three if you include Ronnie who has gone MIA for weeks) so this random girl sits down next to me and distracts me for the bulk of the session. Over the last while, it's like my drive has gotten a second wind after kinda cooling off at Sheridan. And I just don't know where to put all this damn energy. She wasn't spectacular-looking, but not bad, and had a killer set of curves if I may allude to vulgarity. (I love breasts.)

I just don't know what to do with myself.

I arrived at Oakville GO in time to not catch the White Oaks bus even though all the other ones were there. That pissed me off. I had been walking home for weeks because oftentimes I'd stop in and get a coffee from Amanda. But Amanda has just started a gig at a magazine; probably temporary but maybe not. So no real reason to walk home, and now, no bus in the cold. So I got left like a chump and had to walk home anyway. So I stopped by the other Tim Hortons and walked under the QEW to get home; cold but a tolerable distance to walk, comparatively speaking. Life just sometimes randomly bitches you out.

I got home and positively deflated on the couch.

I guess I don't really have any more thoughts tonight. People have been asking if I had any plans for reading week and there's no real answer, just that I actually do want to catch up on reading (doubtful) and my ole personal projects (who knows) and of course, sleep (likely.)

Maybe someday I will get my life together, and crawl my ass out of the mess into which I've been sinking for the last 3 years or so, if you want to look at it this way. I don't even effin' know, man. Don't even know.

Keep on rockin'
-Scott