Chapter 9: This is not something I deserve

I had a delirious fitful sleep last night. It's hard to inhabit a populous house where three people are gonna be up outside your door at 6 AM. I guess I'll be part of that again in a couple days. I'm going to miss sleep. I'm really going to.

I lay there politely indignant wondering if I should go to the trouble and effort of complaining, or just wait until their repeated troping around and banging of drawers and cupboards in the kitchen ended. I chose the latter and, eventually, somehow fell back asleep. I can't remember if it was during this sleep or the earlier one that I had the dream. I didn't even remember or think about it when I woke up but later in the day it came back to me and I found it weird. It was about me riding on the train (subway) and trying to get a sandwich at Mr. Sub. The girl making the sub was very insistent on how she was going to make it, even though she ignored my requests. The train sped faster and farther away from the Mr. Sub and she just sat there making my sandwich improperly, and then she stalled and I got mad and the train went off the rails and continued speeding. And I got more and more pissed off and people started hassling me a little, not the least of which this stuck-up Sandwich chick. I don't remember the last time I actually felt angry in a dream. I usually just feel awkward or anxious or fearful. It probably means nothing. I was just amused at the imagery and feeling that lingered on. Ah, dreams: fodder for meaningless paragraphs.

Part of my re-discovery of Aerosmith involves a slightly-overdue re-listen to their most controversial album, 2001's Just Push Play. You would be hard pressed to find a longtime Aerosmith fan that legitimately liked it. Some would concede that Jaded was a worthy hit, but the concensus seemed to be that it was too poppy or something, which I think is unfair. It's not a great album, but not a total washout like Night in the Ruts, Rock in a Hard Place, or Nine Lives. All those albums had varying degrees of good songs weighed down by too many more heavy-handed/sloppy/forgettable/awful tracks. The thing with JPP was that it had that one really good song going for it, and while the rest didn't live up, it was of consistent quality except for the unfortunate outbreak of power ballads. The material doesn't particularly demand repeated listenings - it's not Pump or Rocks by any stretch, a notch below Get a Grip and Draw the Line as far as their middling albums. But the material never makes me (a hardcore fan who is critical when appropriate) want to skip a track, even "Fly Away From Here," a slightly embarrassing attempt to capitalize on "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" and their then-newfound popularity on Adult Contemporary Radio. The problem was, philosophically, it was a stylistic departure from a band who could coast on simply playing a mellowed-out version of their classic sound, and it almost paid off but didn't quite gel. It was a lot over over-produced semi-dance tracks that sounded kinda like a Beck experiment gone awry or something. Poor Joey Kramer doesn't get to let his drums stand against the processed beats and the percussive guitars. Their next release, the blues album Honkin' on Bobo, rectified this and was ultimately a more satisfying listen, but that doesn't solve the riddle of Just Push Play. What are its merits? Who is it for?

I'd argue that its merits are that it was a consistently good, if rarely great, collection of material that, hell, might've sounded revolutionary as another band's debut, but seems to show Aerosmith underachieving and kowtowing to popular sensibilities more than they ever had. It's a lot more refined than their worst stuff and considerably less focussed than their best. Most of the people who bought the album were either longtime fans who hated it, or new fans hooked by "Jaded" who might've been surprised or caught off guard that the rest of the songs didn't sound like "Jaded."

It was definitely a teenage album. I bought it when I was 14, during a hot and hormonal summer of 2001 trip to Quebec City. Listening to it repeatedly (which I strongly caution against without tempering with some better stuff) probably caused or at least encouraged a lot of my frustration at the time. While Aerosmith generally is for teenagers, this one seemed just a hair less mature in its songwriting. To wit, some brief summaries of material found on better albums:

Get Your Wings: Crime, prostitution, gambling, outer space, nudism, regret, and of course, sex (on a train, with women of expensive tastes, etc.)
Toys in the Attic: Insanity, drug use, child abuse/molestation, religion, the trappings of fame and fortune, sex (losing one's virginity in particular, seducing women in general.)
Rocks: City life, country life, drugs, betrayal, fame, loneliness, the crumbling of society, sex (in the old west, with groupies, etc.)
Permanent Vacation: Murder, transvestitism, frustration with society, girl-trouble, sex
Pump: Child abuse/molestation, drugs (getting clean,) social issues, break-ups, sex (in an elevator, with the wrong girl, with the right girl, etc.)

By comparison, tracks on JPP tend to deal with fantasy imagery, lovelorn longing, and regret. There's less coitus on this album than probably any previous Aerosmith recording. In any case, it's just an observation.

And if you actually read all that, thanks for indulging me. I sometimes get so bored with my own life that I might wander into such unexpected, curious tangents. I don't expect everyone - or anyone - to care as much about Aerosmith as I do. The last couple days haven't exactly been the most fascinating.

Mother's Day was kinda delayed, as mom and Tim decided not to rush home, leaving us happily to our own devices. I didn't really do anything Sunday (quiet rainy day) or today (quiet sunny day.) I tried to call Robyn to hang out (as I'd told her and she'd agreed) but she was nowhere to be found. I'll probably end up calling her tomorrow (assuming she does not work. Well I'd call her anyway) since I start word Wednesday and thus won't exactly be around much during the days.

Sigh... I've still got my complexes.

Things should've gone more smoothly and I should've dealt with them better. I shouldn't feel too sorry for myself. I've got it pretty good, I just wish I was more in touch with some of my friends, even the ones who are around town.

I noticed a friend had a quote from SWP in his Facebook profile recently, which I took as a high compliment. I was kinda proud of the remark too, because it emphasizes my love-hate relationship with puns. Indeed, I truly live a charmed life.

Lesson learned from internet forum discussions: It doesn't take much effort to walk away from an argument, and nobody will think worse of you for it.

That's all the wisdom for tonight kids. Keep on rockin'
-Scotto