F: You don't even know your eyes are open!

I could use an apple or something.

I realized recently my life really does lack a balance of produce. I occasionally get the sandwiches at Wymilwood and I eat the salads, but really. We have some extra cash for groceries these days, maybe I oughtta buy a small bag of apples. Not something to bust your applebag about. Har har.

My cholesterol can't be that great, although my weight remains steady. This is done by eating unhealthy foods in moderate proportions. I never been a glutton. Caffeine addict yes, overeater no.

The other realization I came to recently concerns what I am going to spend my future doing. Specifically, the near future, and mostly my free time. See I applied at HMV again this year, and based on experience and recommendations it looks like a good chance I'll get the job. But I'm in school so much I could only work three, four days tops, until exams. And also I'm hoping to be putting on a play, which may or may not demand some of my time, depending how involved I seek to be (fairly involved.)

So there's that. Time management issues, my main nemesis, partly because I'm such a giant procrastinator anyway. I used to procrastinate by writing in this blog. Now I procrastinate from writing in this blog. Go figure! The small wonders of life. My distractions have become burdens. I'm pretty messed up. There are things to review and comics to draw and I'm playing Guitar Hero and refreshing my e-mail. I'm insoluble, whatever I mean by that. Been writing poetry, fairly prolifically lately. An understimulated overtaxed mind seeking escape. See, I'm still doing it here.

But there's a bigger story here, one I have put off telling because I didn't know how to tell it (I don't know how to tell a story - there's a new one.) And because I was worried it wasn't substantial. I've since figured out the score. Time to let it out. Those three words will come as no shock to anyone who pays attention to my unintentional but very much existent recurring themes, so here they are:

There's this girl.

Well that about sums it up, hm? Well this isn't starry-eyed "Oh if only" hypothetical "wouldn't it be nice" good vibrations teenage beach boy love, no sir nor madam. In fact it's mostly lust with a hearty appreciation for one another, something I ain't heretofore experienced prior. So let's take it from the top and try to underline why this is unique.

I met her online. I always been skeptical of the online scene, because I had met no really good prospects there. Mostly it was just impregnable with bitches and hoes. Or else I'd find a potential lead, wring it dry for conversation and find neither of us had the energy to sustain it. Meeting someone online is not ideal, but sometimes it's the only time you can be sure a girl wants to be met. And like a romantic fool - or a quixotic one - I kept trying because I had to figure, in that miasma of random girls, there was... something. And, three weeks ago, that was what brought me to this one.

So yeah, met her online. She lives quite far away. It's not serious, but at the same time... it's a shitload more serious than anything I've been involved with in many years. So we've made arrangements to meet on Halloween. It's got me right freaked out, on account of this girl is pretty damn intense. But shit, I been living like a monk for four years and some, with intermittent interruptions, the last over 6 months ago. It's like I haven't swum in three years, but I'd as soon get on the high dive as stick my toe in. A more negative metaphor: It's like I was just hired at Tim Hortons and expected to serve the early evening rush at Sheridan without any actual training. I hope it doesn't turn out the same way that did.

So obviously I've been distracted lately. I should focus a bit more.

I had a few papers this past week, and I'm not done yet.

Nothing much else of interest happened today... I finished watching Lost season 3, but that's about it.

We'll see what the future has in store... we'll see...

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto