11:00 AM: Not permitted on the premises

My heart can hardly beat from lack of motivation.

I have no idea what exactly I mean by that, but lordy it can't be good. I'm on edge, not for any particular good reason. The walls of the future seeming to close in. I noted down in my little booklet the other week when all my assignments are due, and I was forced to confront the fact that it's basically all at the same goddamn time.

Once upon a week ago, I had a vision where I valiantly agreed to do my presentation in Shakespeare on Romeo and Juliet (specifically, Mercutio) and I wouldn't have to think about it ever again. But I hemmed and hawed and vacillated too long and ran out of time. Now I've gotta do Lear. Nothing against Lear, I suppose, although I've not yet read it, but it puts my presentation near the end of class, when all my other papers are due. What an ass I feel like.

So I've been mapping out my future. Assuming I pass all my classes (it's looking that way but let's not get ahead of ourselves,) I intend to take two courses in the summer, one an extra credit and one a breadth requirement, so that by year 3 I can comfortably take only 4 classes per semester. Such is my scheme to ease my academic burden. But for now, like I say, things aren't great.

Today was a family gathering, which meant being drafted into entertaining the kids. Both were full of energy all evening, meaning Cam had us all wrestling the basement, and the kid is intense. Of course he made Ali play along, despite the fact that her contribution is usually to run away laughing and the creep back. Well it was all going as usual when I happened to lift Ali up, and she, as is her wont, begged to be let down. So I'm preparing to set her down, and Cam has decided he's going to join in and tug at me and in all the confusion, I... well, sorta... dropped my 4-year-old cousin on her face.

It was awkward.

I'll tell you this much, it settled her down a lot. Cam remained rambunctious, but optimistically, I managed to tire her out on an evening where Aunt Karen was quite vocal about how hyperactive she was being. That's not to say I feel good about it, the opposite in fact, I felt awful. But she was okay, and eventually somewhat forgave me as we were leaving.

The gathering was the first time in a while I'd seen Eric. It'd been a while, and we got along better than we were at the end of his visit. There's always an initial goodwill in seeing him, even if he was hung over.

Came home and watched the GSP-PJ Penn fight. I'm not really very into UFC but I catch a big fight every now and again, especially when B orders it.

I really want to hear the new Paul McCartney album. I didn't hear his last two, which were both supposed to be quite good, but this is different, supposedly a raucous affair. Hell, he was even on Stephen Colbert talking about it.

Some of that turbulence to which I alluded at the beginning of this post: I set out a "to-do" list for this weekend, still untouched. Me and my to-do lists. Oh, well, still plenty of time tomorrow. Actually, this blog entry was on that list, so I did touch it a little bit. Still, not much time tonight. This entry is a lie - I started well after midnight, and it's now about 2:30.

Well, I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.

And miles to go before I keep on rockin'
-Scotto