XII: Imagine If I Had A Point

Ooh, I got the apathy bug bad tonight. I have numerous thihngs I could be working on, including one or two that I should be working on. Instead I just want to crawl away for a while. Click away from Twitter, close my browser altogether, unplug my earbuds, slink away, lie down, eyes closed, feet up... be nothing.

It's been an odd few weeks, marked by a bit of frustration, a bit of disappointment, a bit of tragedy. I don't want to tell the story. Maybe someday I will, but this is one of those things I don't feel comfortable spilling out into the world. I told one co-worker and the look on her face, one of abject distaste, showed me that I should never have opened my mouth. I felt bad with burdening her with that story. It's not something to happen to me personally, just something I was witness to and felt bad.

Somewhere down the line, maybe I'll re-read this entry and in case I need a reminder, it was Ali's birthday. Yeah, that one. I wonder if she'll remember. I wonder if it'll haunt her in great detail, or if the whole day will melt into a vague feeling of unease. You can never tell with kids.

There was an ordeal with a secret shopper at work that really got me in a snit. I'm feeling more and more pressured and it's making me want to bolt more than I have in a while. Bottom Jenga block syndrome. I feel like I've made myself too available to people. I have these conflicting ideas about who I am, what I should do, what my responsibilities are to other people. What my next move, if any, is. I want to just power down. I'd like a vacation, but what is a vacation? When you get back, you're back to yourself. In a way, if I had a vacation set for the end of summer, I would have that something to look forward to, and it would be like 2011 again. That weekend, that was bliss. That was paradise for me. One whirlwind weekend, no more, no less. All about me.

I'm wiped, man. Right now I don't even like the things I like.

Call it.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto