007: The Non-Verbal / The Light in the Other Room

March was long. A year unto itself. April was barely anything. A blur of blurs.

The longer we have been at this isolation thing, the faster and more normal it becomes. Routines develop. I tend to sleep almost right up until it's time to jump on my 9 AM call and then do work - gradually in bits and pieces, fits and starts as I tend to get distracted throughout the day, both by my own momentum and by environmental factors. I eat breakfast around this time, lunch is about noon or one or maybe two. I do still often have a coffee in the afternoon but it's usually decaf. Then we are pretty good about powering down for the night not long after 5, having made out best attempts at putting in a full day's work. Then we make dinner, or order in (typically we order on Gym days so I don't have to spend time cooking, and on Fridays when we tend to do Sushi) and watch either 90 Day Fiance on DVR, or some other show, or Drag Race.

I have explained to the curious, this lifestyle suits me. I had already been making grumblings about preferring to work something like 11-7, and while that is not technically the case now, the lack of a commute means I am keeping those sorts of hours. I'm sleeping better overall, although there are still nights that don't go smoothly. I'm more sleepy when it's supposedly time to sleep, so I for the past few weeks I don't stay up late working on my blog, but I have been able to keep a nice 2-3 week buffer on it this entire year, and never being in Oakville is probably part of that.

I could keep going like this. I don't love it - it doesn't make me love my job more, and it still doesn't help that the stores are closed and the way of doing the job has changed with more oversight and restrictions. I would love to see my coworkers again and all, but there's no material damage to my psyche from being removed from them. Probably because I'm married, so my social needs are met and then some. But I've dealt with loneliness as a fact of life for my entire life, and I only hated it when it was because nobody wanted me. Being locked in a room all day staring at a screen? That's normal, that's my upbringing. I still talk more than I did for a lot of my late teens and early 20's, before I became a Customer Service person. I quietly make progress on my writing. I find time to spend in my own mind, when I can, or I attend to Mel's needs.

It's tough straightening out the events of April. We ordered a Desk and Chair for Mel, since she was getting tired of working on her lap on the couch and the kitchen stools are pretty uncomfortable. That necessitated a slight redecorating of the apartment, which has actually worked out nicely. Assembly went fine, as well as these things ever do. Although as of yesterday Mel has been feeling some back pain so perhaps our chair - which looked nice and cushy - is not as ergonomic as it ought to be. Mel was sick of looking at how mullety my hair was getting so we ordered some clippers and I let her shave the underpart, with great results (I did her hair with less great results.) Mel got super into knitting again, which I think was stressful at first but now she's finding it very calming and has lots of friends from work to talk to about it. It is one of those things that I wish would involve me less, but I am very happy on Saturday nights when she wants to knit and listen to my oldies playlist and I can read or play TEW or something (reviving my attempt at a scenario for 2016 edition, a lot of work.)

Mel is different from me though. She doesn't live in her own head. Most people aren't like me that way, although I've met plenty who are. She is extroverted, she needs people, she loves and craves them, all different people, and I can only be me for her and sometimes that's not what she needs. She has been Skyping with lots of friends, and family, and misses people from work she hasn't seen. Me, I probably don't text my mom enough. I did remember to send flowers for Mother's day ahead of time though. And I'm game for the regular family calls with her side, game nights, whatever. It's nice. And yesterday I had a call with Tony just to catch up. We agreed it was nice and will do it again at some undetermined point in the future. That'll do.

There has been stress, anxiety, and two or three fights. But also a lot of cuddling and quiet reflection and really beautiful nights. We watched all the Rocky movies and have dipped into the Godfathers. We sometimes eat at the kitchen table, like this past weekend when I made cannelloni and pork schnitzel. Two weekends ago I had to hunt around for Timbits at the nearby Tim Hortons; surprisingly hard to come by and not even any chocolate glazed. It's stressful being out for long periods. This past weekend was even worse because the weather was balmy, 20 degrees, and we opted to go out and run an errand or two and of course the whole damn city was there at Queen's Quay. We were able to get to and from our apt via a secluded pathway, which was nice.

Our houseplant, Reginald Orion "Reggie" Heimpliams, has developed gnats, which has us stressed. I tried a few home remedies with varying success, but I think I'm going to have to take more drastic measures. Right now he's living outside, which has me nervous because we're apparently due for a cold snap and/or polar vortex.

Just because this lifestyle suits me, doesn't mean it is without challenges. Life won't be perfect. Oftentimes, people will throw some new terrible news into the social media feeds and I'll just be like "I can't with this right now." It was interesting getting into survival mode but now that this status has been quo for over a month - nearly two! - some long-term thinking has come back. I had to do my self-assessment at work and start thinking about goals, and honestly that's far from my mind. It shouldn't be, but as of the beginning of 2020 I am so in love with the idea of not thinking of myself as an Inventory Analyst anymore, and just writing, it's hard to remember that's not my current reality, and that I do still need to pay attention to my life as it is.

That's kind of a stressful note to go out on, but I'm running low on steam and it's past my ideal bedtime, so let's hope that I got that all out of my system and won't spend the next hour unpacking that last paragraph.

Oddly I wish I had more to say but there's nothing new about this. It's just what's happening.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto