2nd: Alerts

Well it's been a while. Not too too long, and for months now, I've been thinking "Hm, when am I gonna find time to do my regular monthly post?" Time goes by. A week, a month, a few months. Funny how during this pandemic, the passage of time is so different before. But not. Because days still have that sameness. But to me, because of working from home , that sameness feels less like a prison. In that way, my spirits are up. While I work, I am free to keep an eye on my side hustles. I have been very productove as LS. The X-Men blog is booming in content and popularity. And nobody who is on a poaition to know seems to thinl I am doing badly at my job.

Do they think I am doing *well*? Perhaps not. Or perhaps it's just me.

Two Mondays ago I had an interview for a job with PRH. Doesn't seem like it woll be going anywhere, which is a tad disappointing if so, but I was glad to try. I didn't feel like I was out of line going for it. I don't feel underqualified or unready.

Prior to that, I had abdicated my chance at a second run at the PM position. I didn't really want the job and I felt honestly maxed out at the time, unready to learn a while new role. It may have been a mistake but its not a job I want to do, it's just money I wanted to make. And a position I wanted because I will probably never get over my resentment for who did get the first PM job. That was probably a bigger motivator in my looking outside of Indigo because I want to prove I am undervalued. And if you know me, that is not a phrase that comes naturally to me.

I do feel keen to get my life in a new gear one way or the other. Job satisfaction is a thing that comes and goes. Over the past year I've absorbed a lot aboit how overworked and undervalued most people are, and I feel it. And there are parts of me that thinks, just let the checks come as long as you have some time to do what you like (and I do.) But there's this weird urge to make the thing you like into your "job." And the things I like don't pay very well.

I've become a little weird. I think I might be making myself unavailable to my wife because I am spending so much time doing things that are not with or for her, or for us. I feel guilty at times but I don't think I should. We all have those things.

We've talked some about next stepa in our life together. I think we are set, but it still feels like we are not ready. Not that it's "too soon" but maybe we didn't use the time we had to get ready. The house isn't right yet and I can't seem to make time for it. It's constantly a mess (because I write silly stories and comic writeups instead of cleaning, and I let her sleep.) 

I don't know. We moved here. We had our pandemic year. Things are what they are. Probably as good as they'll get.

Well. I'm going in circles and my non-sleeping wife with a meeting at 7 tomorrow is calling.

There's no wrong way to live.

Keep on rockin

Scotto