17th: The Corner

It's boys night, let's do what we do.

Mel is off with Namita in the city for the night and will be staying over. I've gotten into a nice little routine for those occasions when Mel is away for an evening or (and this is rare) overnight. Usually it will involve ordering from Burgertone, the generally-okay independent burger place down the street that has favour with me not only because it's close but because it's music-themed. Then I'll often partake in an episode of AEW Dynamite, if it happens to have aired that week and be available on demand. Getting "back into wrestling" is an unexpected development but by the time Bryan Danielson came in it was impossible to ignore my curiosity. Of course, I always had a foot in that world, using various blogs and of course WON/F4W podcasts to keep tabs on things, to entertain me while I worked and, let's face it, because I never fully lost interest.

The other thing I do on boy's night is write. In fact, I'm writing this right now! While I'm watching the rassles. Something about being alone in the house makes me want to blog, because I guess I'm not very self-reflective anymore. My headspace isn't usually there. Which is nice, I guess I'm pretty present. Between work and the X-Men blog and the Patreon (which I may elect to end as a failed experiment in the new year) I've been pretty busy and maybe lost track of things, but we all go back to where we belong.

I was reading some old posts earlier tonight while waiting for my burger (I went in to order to save the restaurant the few bucks they lose to SkiptheDishes) from the time just after the wedding and at the hopeful beginning of the ultimately miserable year 2020. At that time I had made a promise to myself that I would get back to writing. And the truth is I did, and there were some result there, and I'm looking, in 2022, to expand on that. It didn't really take the shape I anticipated two years ago. But I did scratch an itch and now I'm at a crossroads. Keep going straight, go left or go right. Straight ahead there are some guarantees but very modest ones. To the left there's a dim possibility, and to the right a veritable pipe dream. It feels like there are only enough hours in the day for one direction or another, with the caveat that I still want to do the X-Men thing and the caveat to that that nobody wants to pay me for it. I thought I had a scheme that would appeal to people but I think I found the limits of their goodwill. It happens.

The thing about the road ahead is that I'm a little disenchanted about my moves in that direction. My energy is flagging and the promise of payoff for my work -- real and tangible -- is less exciting than it should be. I need to regain that momentum that I had in 2020 and 2021 somehow. but I think right now I'm just spinning my wheels, looking for the spark of inspiration. And by that I don't mean an "idea" -- I have tons of those -- but I mean that motivating force that drives you to success.

Speaking of which, work... is work. I'm thinking about opportunities, moves, etc. I'm in a better place than I was a year ago, which is essentially back to the place where I was two years ago, ready for...... something. Or at least open to it.

Other than all that internal strife, it's December and I'm struggling with Christmas as usual. Behind on shopping, low on holiday cheer, etc etc. It's been good though. We decorated the tree last weekend and that was really nice. Well, as usual there was a little bit of friction but I can't remember why or how and in the end all I remember is the satisfied feeling of a warm holiday tradition. Last week we went with Nonna to the mausoleum and visited Papa and Zio Filippo and of course Grandma. Hard to believe it's been two years since she passed. We spent the afternoon with everyone (well, Mama and Papa H and Unc) and it was a nice little Sunday gather. 

I don't know that I'm gonna "do" much beyond this... I'm pretty tired. I haven't been sleeping great. Sometimes you just get into these modes, I don't know. I'm drained form a long week and it looks like I'm using up the extent of my verbal clarity here in this blog, all to say... there's nothin to say.

\Well, let's take a rest and get refreshed and keep on rockin'

-Scotto