28: Falling Man

I don't think I necessarily need to underscore the idea that this is one of those post titles that actually has some significance. It's funny because when I was working, I felt like I was falling -- just constantly plummeting, heedlessly, due to splatter any moment. I feel it from time to time now too. Mostly I feel adrift, but there are times I realize the direness of my situation and I feel that weight, that pull of gravity.

The only real issue is not having a set direction. I have worked on much. I have accomplished some. I have placed my efforts in certain directions. But it can be hard to mark success especially because one's bank account doesn't grow. We are coming to the end of my nestegg and my good faith attempts to stave off the total depletion have not, as yet, taken.

Of course I need a job. Like, a job-job. All this other stuff is just a band-aid. Well, it's also to make me happy but it sure isn't profitable. There is some concern that I am not putting in enough effort to get that job. Not externally, at least not verbalized, but from myself. I could try harder. But it can't be all I do.

I have schemes.

Of course, my monetary contribution is not my only value. I'm majordomoing, although my lack of attention to detail leaves much to be desired. I'm a Hank-minder, gofer, cook and occasional -- very occasional -- cleaner and gardener. I don't always administrate very well.

There have been good times.

We've had a good couple of weeks. One victory is occasionally getting spot victories over the question of what to have for dinner. Last week we had pork roast with veggies, then a rotisserie chicken, then lasagna, which produced lunches, then used the leftover chicken and the leftover veggies to make a stir fry. This week I've done a breaded eggplant (with pork cutlets and pasta) and steak fajitas. Tonight is just going to be tortellini. Suppose I'll pick up a garlic bread.

This past weekend was a busy one. Friday night we went out to see Joe do the open mic at the Lion's Club, then got dinner with him and his friends at the Dickens, which hadn't gotten its night started as we arrived. The next day we went to see Unc and Sherlie and the Twins, ordering Mary Brown's chicken, taking the kids to the park, and then watching some movies and drinking iced coffees with dessert. Long night as always. Sunday we went to church with Nonna for the Papa mass, which also turned out to be Padre Pio Feast Day, which meant it was a lot more crowded there. We brought Hank to Nonna's and left him in his crate there (he's religiously unaffiliated as far as I know.) Then we had some lunch. Papa H had already declared his intention to get -- you guessed it -- Mary Brown's, which even learning we had had it the night before couldn't deter him. So we weren't excited but by the time it arrived we were ready for it.

We didn't stay too long, leaving just after Papa H did at 3 to go home and watch the Jays game (which they won, clinching the AL East.) After we got home, Mel napped for a bit and I whiled away time, which is sort of what I've been doing all week anyway. We had ice cream and then later, cheese-and-chips for dinner.

Tuesday this week, Mel had Tuesday off for truth and reconciliation. We went for Dairy Queen, which I know doesn't seem like an appropriate way to mark the occasion, but hey, Mel was off. We also worked out on Monday, with another on Friday, because our trainer got married last week. So it's been sort of a weird week in terms of structure.

I could probably stand to get my motivation up and become more productive. Call this week a write-off, but there's still potential to make something happen tomorrow.

Having marked all of that, this will be where I leave. Never has anyone spent so much time to do so little.

Keep on rockin'

Scotto