XXIII: Vegetation

A non-meaningless title.

I mean gosh. I really let today get by me. I didn't even do the usual amount of nothing I tend to do with my day. I just completely short-circuited and did nada-all. A smidge of writing but not really. A glance at the jobs. Just sitting here staring at my phone watching the clock tick down. 

I need some better habits. I actually got some writing done yesterday on a project I've had open and idle for a while but I haven't kept that momentum up. I took Hank out for some walks and thought about things and tried not to get down about stuff. And there's still time (see my previous "forever tomorrows" comment.) But man, when is tomorrow today? That's up to me, isn't it?

Mel's out in the city today, she's got a dinner event for work, and I'm just here yukking it up. There's still some time and, after I eat a bit of dinner (I got pizza for both meals) I might even get to some of it. In 45 minutes I can write over 1000 words and that's enough to make me feel accomplished, even though I need to do that about 30 more times to get this thing done. Every step counts.

I think losing out at that job really wrecked me. I was so ready to be done with this, I am not sure I have the energy to roll up my sleeves and attack it all over again, but I've got to. And I've got my quixotic writing submission out there that I should be hearing about any time now, assuming I do hear about it at all. I keep contemplating what the best case scenario is for that, and I don't even know. Fear of success is a motherfucker.

I spent a lot of today looking at Facebook and now I'm paranoid about carbon monoxide. Ecch, I need to get off that site again. It's all bad vibes.

I'm just flitting around. I have no focus. I can't even finish this post, for crying out loud. I just walked away from it for multiple hours. I briefly look at some jobs, and what do you know, they're closed off. Nobody I want to work for wants to be in the Scotto business.

Will tomorrow be better? It would almost have to be, right?

And yet. Tomorrow's Wednesday, which means it's almost the end of the week, which means it's almost the weekend, which means it's almost next week. See? I'm sprialling.

Hey, hey, hey, happier times. Did I tell you we went out for "Melissa Day" last week? Kelsey's has this promotion where you get free Spin Dip (with a drink but it doesn't have to be alcoholic -- Mel got the zero proof sangria and I just had pepsi) if your name is one of three on a certain day, and last Wednesday's happened to be Melissa. So we had a little impromptu date night. All we had was the dip and some calamari, and we even took some home because (shrug). Then we went to DQ and had Blizzards as the sun went down.

I'm drinking water right now.

The weekend was busy, Mel had to work for most of Saturday but then we did lots of running around. Mel's got Laura's baby shower on Saturday so we had to get a bunch of stuff for that, including a book (in lieu of a card) and clothes (we plundered Once Upon a Child on Sunday.) I'll just be hanging at Nonna's while that goes on, with da boyz. We also found some time to chill in the backyard on Sunday, and Mel started her baby blanket knitting project.

Times are good, it's only inside my head that things are rough.

And I guess at my fingertips.

Nevertheless, we keep on rockin'

-Scotto