#10: Be Gentle

No, I'm not right. Not in a right state of mind.

I can't really explain myself, I'm just.... bluh. Nothing's interesting to me in the world. I slog along, I do my work, I try to keep up but in my head I'm just thinking "Goddamn it how much longer?"

Less than a month, if you can believe it. I sure as hell can't.

The universe, I feel, is taunting me. It exploits my ineptitude at acting like any normal person would. A normal person wants something, he probably would go and get it. Me, I sit and I think about it and somehow am content to suffer at my own hands and bitch all the same. I suck. Even now, when I'm typing this, I'm accomplishing nothing but committing the very crime of which I am indicting myself, if you can believe it!

Maybe it's all the beat poetry. Maybe it's making me feel beaten. Maybe it's not, though. It probably isn't. It's just me. I'm friggin' insane and I have to question at this point the merits anyone would find in associating with me.

Okay, yeah, this self-disparaging thing has really gone a bit far. Yet, I have no intention of deleting what I have written, because hey, I wrote it, why pretend I didn't? It's there. I don't mean it, but it sure as hell is a sobering thought, and it gives me pause.

"Do it," a voice says. Another says "Don't." I hate them both. It's easier yet more painful (isn't it?) to obey the second.

I'm falling a bit too far into my psyche. I'd hoped to draw some Sewerman today, but I never get anything done on Thursdays or Mondays.

I think I'll write some Metaworld.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto

(PS - just re-read this post. Had a good laugh. Sorry kids for being too melodramatic. I'm just bi-polar, or maybe somehow tri-polar.)