Dix-Sept: The Knife Has Feelings, Too

Cripes. It's getting to be one of those days. It certainly was one of those nights. After all that, when I got up to bed, I was just lying there, awake, worrying that I had some kind of disease I didn't know about. Now, when I was a kid I used to be prone to all sorts of irrational fears, but I haven't been stricken with one in a very long time. So there I was, up much later than I usually am on a Saturday (which is fairly late to begin with, I guess,) just thinking about the possibility of my getting this disease, and how it'd affect my life and whatnot.

It was just so completely irrational. I can't even say for sure what made me start thinking about that particular disease. It's really freaking me out. I can't even say "nobody in my family has it," since my cousin Evan does. He does all right, though, and I'm fairly certain that if it's genetic that it came from his mother's side, not the side I'm on... even so, it makes me think.

Another night of agony, my dears. I was unable to follow through last night, obviously, predictably. It's just so sad, even I've never felt this lame. It was like I was in line for a roller coaster and then as soon as I got to the front, I turned around and said "I changed my mind!" Which is the most embarassing thing to do, since there's nothing wrong with rollercoasters. They can't hurt you... unless you go to the Ex, in which case you're really taking your chances.

But somewhere in that metaphor I had a point... oh yeah, I suck. It's official, the results are in, the votes have been tallied, I officially suck for not being able to take control of this situation. I am the most over-worrisome human being this side of Woody Allen. But enough obsessing over that.

I went over to Kyle's today to capture all my footage. I am so angry at this movie, I really want it to be done. The audio sucks, the angles are unimaginative... it really did work better as a play. Hah. Well, all the same, I've got to see this through to the end.

I've also got Sewerman to work on... and a job that I start training for tomorrow... and college stuff to worry about.

I hate life. Is everybody else out there finding this whole "growing up" thing is way too complicated?

Fuck. Who'd have thought there'd be so much paperwork?

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto