19* How you feel about what you think.

Suddenly, when thinking about what I was going to say in this post, I felt quite overwhelmed.

I have no idea why. There's nothing important or interesting in this post. It's been a while since my last and yes, a few things have happened, but nothing earth-shattering. Yet I think aobut my life and suddenly I'm reaching beyond my abilities. It's suddenly too much to deal with.

So the strike is over, back to school Tuesday, and *apparently* there were some PhotoJournalism projects I probably should have dealt with (they're technically due tomorrow.) Um... yeah. Nope, didn't do 'em. Can I afford to lose 20 full marks? Not really. Do I figure there'll be a way out? Sure.

I was writing earlier today, and I just ran out of energy. I'm trying to capture a character who is at the center of a very deep and troubling moral dilemma, and yet I can't help but try to rationalize what he is doing and make him innocent, guilt-free, and likeable. In my head he's such a nice guy that I don't want him to make the ultimate decision that is at the center of the story. Unfortunately, I know he has to. That's the whole point of the effing story. I just don't want to water it down and make it weak. I need to go full-bore on this. I can't let him get off.

Yesterday was interesting. I saw Alyssa for the first time in a long while. We went to the library, because she's gotten this sudden fancy for personality tests, handwriting tests, any way she can use to measure or classify herself, I believe she said. Now, I'm interested in these things, but I've always been wary. Whenever I read one that sounds like me, I have to wonder, "what could they say that wouldn't make me think 'yeah, that's me?'" How do I really know what I'm like? All I know is how I see myself; how I'd like to be. The handwriting one was more fascinating for me. Of course I missed all of the ones pertaining to sense of humour, so I guess I was right after all, and my handwriting confirms it.

Later that night was the Beermouse show. Typically good of them, no heavy ordeals about the drumset, and not much flash, just good rock n' roll. What can I really say? They can put on a really good show, even when they haven't rehearsed. And afterward, I spoke to Kenzi more than I pretty much ever have in our entire lives.

I wish there was more to it tonight, but I'm so tired with myself, it's this whole thing. I thought it would be fun to write, but I'm driving myself crazy with ths one. It's tricky. I would like him to be likeable, even sympathetic, but it can't seem for a second that what he's doing is the slightest bit right.

Now I'm getting myself all riled up. Errg, I need to sleep it off. Unfortunately, it's not sleepytime yet.

Keep on rockin'
-Scott