012: Nocturnal Omissions

Cute pun, no?

I had this epiphany today. This won't change the way I feel about the universe but has at least expanded my understanding. It has to do with those old free will vs. predestination arguments we used to have in Grade 11 Philosophy class. It used to be approached that life was either one or the other. Most prefer to believe that we human beings have free will, and that chance exists. Still others feel the need to admit tht certain things feel... fated to happen, and let's not even mention those who believe God is running the show.

Well I was never sure which side to take. Free will, I guess, by default, but it didn't feel right. There are so many things that are beyond our control. At first I thought it was purely genetics, like perhaps we're wired to behave a certain way, but that's not quite it either. Still, that's part, but there are so many aspects to human existence... physical attributes, mental acumen, interests, past experiences... behaviour, both rational and subconscious. Past lives, repressed memories, traits physical and psychological all converge to make up who you are and all the things you might be, and combine together to make a definite path, or a number of definite paths, which were neither predetermined nor consciously embarked upon. Simply put (and I've here done a terrible job of trying to explain it,) predestination and free will are two sides of the same jewel, along with chance and this religion business (in my opinion, Buddhist principles such as karma have a little more substance than Judeo-Christian business, so I'm including it.)

All it is is threads, converging at points to make a well-interwoven tapestry. I was going to concoct a fictional scenario off the top of my head to demonstrate, but I can very well pick one from reality. Earlier tonight, I broke a glass. I swung my arm over the counter without noticing and swept it off, thus is smashed on the floor. The glass was there because I had not put it in the dishwasher. I was hoping somebody else would have, but because of minor little incidents in our upbringing, little tasks like that go undone generally around the house. I figure this is because Mom was fussy when we were younger, always picking things up and straightening the house (she still does this,) rather than asking us to. I could go back further to find out why she's so fussy, but it's not important. All that's important is that the various factors and the chain of events led to - crash - that shattered glass on the linoleum.

It's nothing new and in fact cribs somewhat from "Einstein's Dreams," but it's not something I considered so thoroughly until now, how great the span of reality is spread out before me. We have choices, we have our potential, and we have chance. You can't control the outcome of a roll of dice, but you can control how you toss it, no?

I went over to Grandma's today. Aunt Lori was there with Cameron, and he was all to excited to play cars with me. Now, the kid's got two moms, nobody's really telling him that, as a boy, he must play with cars, and yet that instinct's there. You tell me about nature vs. nurture.

My Swedes tied England. I'm pretty proud - because I'm insane like that.

I know this has been a bit of a heavy post, but... I'm unemployed and bored, so I've got a lot of free time to think about this nonsense. I'm trying to occupy my mind with creative stuff, but to no avail.

I was going to write a whole post about pet peeves, but then this predestination thing came up and I had to write it down before it was gone. While walking, I often get good ideas for topics - for posts or Interneta Rants and whatnot - but forget them by the time I get home.

I just finished re-reading Maus. It's a graphic novel (in two volumes) that recounts the author's father's time in Auschwitz during World War II (well yeah, like, when else would someone have been in Auschwitz?) The story itself is quite fascinating - the measures this man goes to to survive - and colourful, as it's narrated by the miserly, tempermental Jew many years later. Comics are rarely used for such fascinating stories, and this was just brilliant. It's not in the Library now (as I have it,) but it'll be back soon.

I had this kernel bothing me. I thought it was stuck in my gums, and I flossed and mouthwashed and brushed as far as I could until I bled but to no avail. It was stuck in somewhere undetedctable except by the maddening pain it caused to chew and swallow. Insane. I thought somehow it had gotten into my sinus cavity and was digging into the back of my nose or something, but no: just the back wall of my cheek. Finally, with the help of a flashlight and various scraping implements, I got it out earlier today. That's right... overnight it sat scraping against the soft fleshiness of my inner-mouth, digging in and taunting me with its agonizing grating edges, until the next evening all the way. Oy, such irritation.

That's it for tonight all. Hope you're well.

Sweet dreams and keep on rockin'
-Scott