004: Something for the kids?

What drives a man to the brink of insanity?

I'm not entirely sure. I'd like to think that I could make some grand dramatic statement about stress management and dealing with one's internal issues, but I haven't got one to make.

Yes, I had a bit of a meltdown last night. Today, I meditated. It helps, it does. If you can find yourself a few minutes each day to turn your mind to things both bigger and smaller than yourself as I am working on doing, perhaps you will gain some perspective. That's what I'm trying for.

Now last night I was a little unhappy. I allowed all the minor little ticks to really dig in and start getting at me. And while it wasn't exactly a case of "I woke up this morning and everything is fine," I was able to sort myself into a position I'm comfortable with. I still need work, but I'm not freaking out.

Eric showed me his friend's CD the other day. This guy he goes to school with is an underground recording artist in the emerging "noise" genre. And what exactly is "noise?" Well, go get one of those old TV's with the antennae, plug it in, turn it on, and turn it to a channel that doesn't exist. It's basically 40 minutes of static in 5 tracks at different pitches. I mocked it gleefully.

Last night was one of those sleepless nights. I couldn't possibly get comfortable, it felt, I'd have to wait to be rendered unconscious by my own body's fatigue, like falling asleep on a coach bus (seriously, last time I had to do that I succumbed to dimentia long before falling asleep.) On the plus side, I got to see the classic baseball flick from my youth, Rookie of the Year. Anyone who doesn't like that movie is a goddamn crack-smoking fascist dictator. No offense.

And as such, the strange dreams returned, and with a baseball flavour. Difficult to describe... I caught a flash of playing a baseball game, and then a visit to some obscure shopping plaza for drinks with a few people I know. no names (it's my experience that a number of people might say, "keep me out of your dreams, you freak," when you mention you had a dream with them in it.)

I mailed in this envelope yesterday to the revenue people. Apparently, they needed my birth certificate and SIN number. Bastards can't just give me my cheque like anyone else.

It ain't easy, man, but I'm gonna try to pull myself together. If you spend too much time falling to pieces over everything, life's gonna feel like a major drag.

Keep on rockin'
-Scotto