2:00 AM: You can't go backwards

...which is the primary way life is like Mario Bros.

I got in, an hour or so ago, from a bowl-off, my second in two weeks. Last week it was because I intended to go drinking on Friday night (which I did, and had more fun than could reasonably be expected) and needed Saturday morning to sleep in (which I did, and it was awesome.) This week is the more family-oriented reason of it being Easter and my, as per tradition, going on a road trip up North to the Bay-upon-North.

I did great, by the way, with a 148, 191 and 170; really great scores. But given the intensity of the bowl-off, my fingers are a bit tired... yet I'll be typing anyway. I'm weird like that.

I was in the car with dad on the way over, and we got to talking. We don't normally talk about very serious issues, normally because when we do talk, there's not much in the way of serious issues to discuss. I lead an exceedingly uncontroversial life (which is probably what's keeping this blog just that notch below interesting.) And when something tricky does come up, I have this deflective way about me.

Dad had, prior to picking me up, been at the hospital, where Deb's sister was in stable condition after downing a bunch of pills. She suffers depression, which I could tell from the handful of times I'd met her. She has a number of troubles, not the least of which is her home life, which Dad described in detail. To go into this subject was a little surreal. Myself, I was mildly annoyed the last time I encountered her, her being there was awkward to me and she was obviously depressed (and being just a little shallow, this compounded my annoyance.) Despite this, I obviously never wished harm on the woman, and the break she's got in life is a bad one.

I don't have any hard and fast beliefs about depression and suicide. I don't think that's the kind of thing you can write off without looking like a total and complete asshole, sticking your foot right down your own esophagus someday. Every time I think I have an opinion, circumstances change and I have to reconsider. "Maybe it's not so universal. Maybe there is a difference."

All I can do, for my part, is to listen and be sensitive and whatnot.

Today was probably the hardest day yet as far as being an internship guy goes. As the week goes on, it becomes more and more apparent that I have nothing to do, and to onlookers it looks like I haven't got an internship at all maybe. So I've had to explain, over and and over, that my internship doesn't have an office, so I'm using the newsroom. Nathan understood perfectly (most people do.) The woman who comes in and does edits on the paper asked if I was a first year. Maybe I should strike up a conversation with her sometime, seem a little less awkward. In any case I just want to be approachable, not isolated... without being to.... pushy? Desperate? Well, these are desperate times anyway.

I'll probably show up less and less as time goes on. I've already been showing up later and later. After a few weeks, who knows?

Well, I do know that it's damned near impossible for me to get any work done around here. Too many distractions. I need a reason to get out of bed in the morning (which explains why, during summertime, I become a total coffee addict... despite the fact that, damn, it gets hot out.) Leaving the house is that reason. Besides, it's only a few weeks.

Then who knows?

Life's uncertain like that.

And I dig it, man.

Keep on rockin'
-Scott