1-2: Go further, come back sooner

It seems like these days, I've got a lot of things to reflect on.

Just over a week ago, I turned 20, which means the gradual easing into some kind of maturity or responsibility or somethingt. I was asked on the weekend how I felt about being this age, and I said that I no longer have a free pass to awkwardness (that's one of the few things I remember saying before diving headfirst into drunkeness.)

The good thing is virtually all of my friends from school are at least a little bit older than I am, most particularly Amanda, who is not only the closest to me (geographically, friendship-wise, etc) but also among the furthest in age, although Mansoor is older and has also been a very good friend these past two years. Seeing myself reflected in all these people, and getting along with them, not just as a little brother or something but as a contemporary, gives me hope for the future (and hope, historically, is something I'm hard to come by.)

Today was my Sheridan Graduation Commencement Ceremony. It illustrated to me how, when you reach a certain point of development/maturity/experience/grownupishness, and can no longer be reasonably looked at by society as a child, the immediate response is that the world starts treating you like shit. I don't know, it just kinda does and maybe some of you might notice things like this now that I've mentioned it... as follows.

The ceremony was to begin at 10:00 and the invitation said to arrive two hours early. I'd actually forgotten what day it was (other than assuming it was the first tueday in June but not paying it mind) until yesterday when two tickets arrived for me. My invitation had arrived some weeks earlier and was labelled "This invitation entitles SCOTT WILLIAMS and two others to attend this ceremony." I assumed the tickets were the extra seats I'd inquired about, given that, according to my best deciphering attempt at the convoluted application process indicated we were guaranteed two, and could attempt to order up to two extra seats if there was room.

So I told mom, who wasn't keen on driving me, so I arranged things with dad. The thing about having a graduation ceremony in the middle of a weekday morning is that if you are an employed person (unlike myself,) it screws things up for you, but at least you're a proud parent so you get over it okay. So dad was fine to drive me over, and mom would come later with Grandma. He had to stop off at work first (not far from the Living Arts Centre where the ceremony was) so he told me to get ready for 7:30.

That morning - Monday I mean - I had inexplicably been up at 6:30. I mean, I was out of bed at 6:30 after failing for the previous hour and a half to get back to sleep. It happens every so often. As you might have learned after 770 posts, I'm a bit of a headcase and this sometimes causes trouble sleeping. So after lying, eyes clenched, covers cinched, for 90 minutes, I gave in and went, in the rain, for coffee and a breakfast sandwich (which I'd been craving for days anyway, not usually being up and at 'em in time for them.) I quenched my mental hyperactivity by doing some damn good writing that morning, but was a waking corpse for the rest of the day.

So naturally, I was uneager to get up and go for 7:30 again. But it was for a reason, I had no say in the matter, so at a little before 6:30, the ascending trumpet that leads into Brian Wilson's "Smile" recording of "Heroes and Villains" called me to consciousness, as that was the first track programmed on that particular iPod playlist.

After lying idly for a few minutes - several songs, I always set alarms early enough so I can wake up and lie there for a while - I got up at about a quarter to 7, attempted to negotiate my shower into something resembling a comfortable temperature (and I'll get into that some other time, because it's a recurring theme of my life nowadays.)

I was dressed in my usual plain white cuff shirt (the "Maim in Vain" Rob shirt) and a black silk tie that is actually Eric's as well as nice pants, which is the main difference between this graduation and my highschool graduation in 2005 when I wore jeans. Not that it matters under the robe, I didn't even tuck in my shirt. I did, however, in a reversal of my freak out many months ago, tie my own damn tie with relative ease. I quipped to dad that I supposed that was part of growing up. He remarked back that I should tell my brothers that.

Against my better judgment, I hurried out of the house without food. I don't know if it slipped my mind or I thought there'd be a chance, but it was foolish anyway. And when you're hungry, everything sucks, so let's keep that in mind for the rest of this entry.

I got there, after the detour at Dad's work, and rushed over to greet an already-arrived group of Journalism dudes and dudettes, including but not limited to Amanda J., Jacklynn and Perrin. Amanda mused that it would be sad if this was all that came. A woman holding a coffee cup passed by and told us where to pick up our stuff. I asked her if there was coffee, and she told me no. I proceeded to freak out a little, as I am often to do. Then Jacklynn and I went over to the "S-Z" line to get robes and joke around about life. She's a hip lady although we didn't talk much in school, partially I'm sure because we were never in the same class. She mused about the direction her life was taking, seeming optimistic because "I'm younger than all of you," at which point I reminded her that she wasn't, because I too just turned 20 this year, in fact more recently than her, at which point she slapped me five. I told her that because of the dress she was wearing, she would probably look topless under the robe.

After getting robes, people started to file in, many of whom we recognized. We speculated on who would not be there - whether because they sadly did not graduate with us, or because they actually had something important to do on a tuesday morning. I told Amanda I didn't expect we'd see Mansoor, and she suspected we would, but when I asked why she never explained. In the end I was right. With Haasim sadly unable to make the credit (after an unfortunate scenario regarding his first-year elective,) Joe and I were the only two of our core group of four to attend. I stood and talked a while with Joe and Amanda K. Despite their recently having broken up, it didn't seem overly awkward at all, as I know that when I end involvement with a female, I scarcely continue to acknowledge her existence, at least for a while (please note that I have not had an opportunity to practise this in a rather long time.) We were then lined up by program and last name, so Melissa Wildman and I had an "end of line" party. Then there was a lot of standing and waiting, and inside of me, hunger was a-brewin.

It was around this point that I remembered how much I loved being in a room full of people I like, joking around with them. Sometimes it comes so easily and this morning was that time. In fact, it's a lot easier to crack wise when you are annoyed, bored or inconvenienced, all of which I generally was as we stood around waiting, playing with the zips on our robes and musing about our formal attire. Joe, "very intelligently" in his words, wore a suit jacket. I noted that you could shred the bottom of your shirt to bits so long as the collar and sleeves were intact, and it would make no difference.

So we were eventually herded in and settled in for the long haul. I had never heard Sheridan President Dr. Robert Turner speak, and I hope never to again, as although he is eloquent enough, his voice is akin to Michael Madson while gargling sandpaper.

The keynote speaker, whose name I didn't get but I'm sure is written in the program, was a producer from the Discovery Channel who brought the Daily Planet - the world's first televised daily science show - to life, despite being laughed out of a TV Science Producers Convention in Paris by men with decades more experience than him. He glossed over his career rise until that point, noting that you should be nice to people on your way up, so they'll be nice on your way down.

After a brief hungry eternity, we went up to start getting diplomas, or rather, funky tassled sashes and envelopes in which to enclose the diploma, which you would gett after going offstage. Because they can't give you an actual diploma, because it would be boring to watch people sort through all the files and get the name. The distribution of generic folders is, you know, more exciting. For the audience.

I got up there and had my sash put on by Mary Lynn, who told me I'd be missed. I then proceeded to get my hand shook by several well-wishers including Dr. Turner ("Congratulations, Scott," "Thanks, Doc,") the keynote speaker, the Dean of the school, (whom I referred to as "Father" in refernce to his ornate priest-like robes,) and Sandy McKean, whom I actually know, who leaned over to me as I shook his hand and told me to "Knock 'em dead." Waiting in the wings were Roy and Denni, whom I didn't get to speak to as much as I'd have liked, although Roy quipped that there was a lot of applause for me (as I was the final one of my program, and applause was finally permitted after me.) Before leaving the stag,e I turned to the crowd and gave a big thumbs-up before going backstage to get handed my stuff and go back.

So I went back and sat down again... and watched all the other people graduate for another slow, dull, hungry eternity.

At long last, the graduates all got their diplomas, and then, the big moment... the valedictorian speech. Now, I had no idea going in, but as it turns out, Mitch McKay, my good friend, was elected as valedictorian. I'll have to ask him how that came about. He delivered a great speech, opening with a joke about how rarely he did public speaking (twice in his lifetime, once in Grade 4 about his favourite roller coaster, once at an old folks home where he was given digestive cookies and prune juice.) He started by talking about Mongolia, where he'd spend his early 20's reporting (and apparently performing in Chinese Soap Operas.) most of the students dream of going to the west to be educated, and we sit in a rare controlling advantaged minority in the world to already be here. I'm not sure where he went with that but it was a striking point. He also noted that we are given so much information we don't know what to do with... recently it was revealed that although sunscreen supposedly protects against skin cancer, skin cancer is also more likely in those who don't get vitamin D from the sun because of sunscreen. And while it was suggested that you could take Vitamin D pills, it was also discovered that cancer seems to occur more often in people who take vitamins as pills rather than natural sources.

He closed with an anecdote from Kurt Vonnegut, who told it whenever he gave a commencement speech. Apparently Vonnegut had an uncle who remarked that nobody ever noticed when they were happy, and that whenever you are relaxing and enjoying life, you should just say out loud, "You know, if this isn't nice, I don't know what is."

Finally finally, after some closing remarks, we were sung out by a musical theatre student doing Josh Groban. And then we headed out. And then, and then...

And then I was tapped on the shoulder and asked to come along as soon as I got to the atrium. There was a photographer taking pictures of people, no charge. So sure, why not? I got a few snaps, apparently they'll be on the alumni website soon.

BUT in the process, I lost precious time, lost track of my classmates, lost my parents, and delayed quenching my hunger. After a little photography, I rushed back to the catering tables, dreaming of sandwiches, or fruit, or something. And what did I find?

Sweets. Cookies. Lemon cake. Bullshit! The ceremony was from 10 AM until 12:30 and if that ain't lunchtime, I don't know what is! And they were serving freaking dessert? I love sweets, don't get me wrong, but I hadn't eaten all day and I needed some damn protein!

So on top of all this, I'm stuck in a crowd with 1000 other students and their parents, looking frustratedly for people I know, with a plate loaded with sweets I didn't really want to eat. I took a few photos with Mary Lynn and Mitch because I happened to be speaking to her when he came by. Then I caught up with Roy before spotting my Grandma. She told me where my dad was and that she was going to the washroom (uh, not at the that, that was just where she was headed. Don't be gross.)

So I went and found dad, who told me to go back and find grandma and bring her over so we could take pictures. He told me that mom had to be turned away because we only had 2 tickets, the invitation itself didn't count for shit (not his exact words) uh, shit. Okay, so I felt like crap for that, and even worse for having to elbow past several static post-ceremonial grads back and forth for three or four laps to put up with it, whilst not having any actual food. Augh.

So finally we took a few photos for posterity, I returned my robe, we went home. It was an average day after that. I finally did go for food, but by that time I wasn't as hungry as I should've been (I hate when that happens) and only had an egg salad sandwich.

Oh well, though. That was a long story. Between the two posts this month so far, both are extremely long, but it's been 5 days into the month, so it sort of evens out... longer, less frequent posts, or shorter posts more regularly? Who knows. That's the question.

Gotta rest now. Night all.

Keep on rockin'
-Ol Scotto