3-3: We've all got a mind to blow

I don't really feel funny tonight.

Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times when I have "not felt funny" and still been a likeable, affable, outgoing person. I'm not upset about anything and I'm not likely to suffer a nervous breakdown of some sort. But I was considering doing some work on some funny comics before going to bed, and when faced with the task I just sighed and decided that, if pressed, I couldn't give it the energy it required. It's my second day of break from it.

I just feel fatigued is all. Maybe too much sun. Maybe too many hobbies and not enough of a life. There are sayings about people who fill their lives with hobbies. I don't know any of them but they're certainly not flattering. Memorizing quotes is not one of my hobbies.

Kind of unfortunately, I am exhausted. Exhausted with expectations and arrangements and preparations for the future. Overwhelmed perhaps, and certainly severely taxed for patience for the outside world. I thought I was giong to a play tonight, and thorugh nobody's fault I didn't, as my ride couldn't go so que sera sera and I'll go tomorrow... and it's just as well since we had to grocery shop. Boring night, boring day, boring life.

But I've got to take hold of some responsibility, because the more I sit and while away the hours on filler, the less time I devote to making my aforementioned preparations and arrangements for the inevtiable future... which threatens to confront me very soon. Originally I had written "sooner than I'd expected" but I certainly knew the deal going in, and everything is going according to schedule, except for me of course.

What a damn day to feel fatigued. It was cool out, a nice breeze. Could've worn long pants, but didn't, thinking it may have gotten hotter than it did. Dad and I had a lengthy conversation the other night about caffeine. He doesn't seem to think it's addictive, although he admits he drinks upwards of 6 cups of coffee each day. I'm no scientist so I can't say it's chemically addictive but I know it's damn habit forming. Each morning I waste an hour going for coffee, jsut to waste an hour and be able to say "Okay, I've had coffee, let's move on with the day." Elsewise I'd probably just sit there going "Should I go for coffee?" It's my crutch, my fucking day planner man.

It won't be spring anymore soon. I've got to mourn that because in the future spring could mean something different altogether, as it pertains to the weather. And what a damn day for my allergies to be on the brink... not killing me, but jabbing at my septum with fiery ferocity. Hachoo. Snort.

I say I don't feel funny. And yet, as Eric and I sat down to collaborate on a project this afternoon - long spoken-of and put off - I was certainly being funny. I've got it, I know, it's all in how you choose to use it. And for now, I've put it away. Tomorrow I'll open up the toybox and probably have at it again.

There's nothing wrong today. There just isn't anything particularly right, either.

Keep on rockin'
Scott