XV: The Last You Heard

Tonight, a little angst about how little of a life I feel like I have.

I went out to see Superbad again. I haven't seen a movie in the theatres twice since... I'm going to say Godzilla. I don't even know why I saw it once, let alone twice, let alone both in theatres. It was a great movie, not just a good comedy but one that successfully creates a world and characters you want to revisit.

It's been a weird few days. Not eventful in any way, but frustratingly... augh.

I haven't been sleeping much lately. It could be all the caffeine coursing in my veins of late. I've gotten reckless. It's been a weird few nights. Many crickets. Lots of psychoses and neuroses. My brain has never been a very inviting place to be.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit that at least most of my thoughts lately had been about what life is going to be like in the fall. Life is virtually never how you imagine it, of course, but you can't help but speculate, because shit man, who knows how this is going to turn out.

I saw the movie with Chris, who'd already seen it, Connor, who'd already seen it, Pat, who was going for the first time, as well as Jasdeep and Cassie. Rather than stay out later and go to a house gathering with people I kinda know and am sorta friends with (Pat and Chris both had to work tomorrow and thus went straight home) I opted to go right home because I'm tired. A few days of stop-start sleep have gotten to me. I came home and ate Tostitos and watched South Park.

But what's really eating away at me? Well, when I woke up this morning and went downstairs, who should be lying on the kitchen floor but my Grandma's dog, ready for round two. Grandma went away for the weekend so the dog is only in my care for a few days, but it already feels like the bitch never left. She's very demanding, I'm not sure if I managed to impress that upon you dear readers the first time around.

Anyway, this is just the weekend. I should be able to survive, but by the end of night one I'm pulling my hair out, because Grandma never equips me with enough stuff to satisfy her, sa far as food goes, I've got half a tupperware of hard food and a can of soft; this is one hungry bitch.

But whatever man.

I'm just... trying to get along. To live on my own terms as best I can.

How terrible, I say, that I haven't posted an entry in what, three days now, and when I finally do, it's this? Almost nothing worth remembering, and very little of that worth typing up. Not to get too hard on myself here.

I remember the spring of 1998. I was in Grade 5 and we did this trip to the zoo and at some point, wlaking around all day in the sun with my friends at the time... a couple of guys and more importantly, a couple of girls. That was the day the switch got flipped and I realized what girls were about. The dynamic changed that day and I've been fumbling to recover it ever since, and that was nearly a decade ago. I know it's a weird thing to bring up, but the memory popped into my head, virtually that moment when that first rush of hormones were set free.

My brother Brando is going on a trip to Montreal. A business trip for his Casino business. I find it a little fascinating, because he hasn't spent that kind of time around the house in years.

I'm busted. Try to keep on rockin' for me
-Scotto