XVII: What can one man know of the end of the world

I've got to get ahold of myself tonight. I dunno. Hey, I don't know myself and I don't know the world, I don't know nuffin'.

Week's gotten off to an exhausting start, in case it matters. Bureaucracy has so many imperceptible heads. I either fail to understand them, or look for those that are not there at all. It concerns my attempts to comprehend the oughtta-be simple procedure of deferring my OSAP payments. I feel like there should have been more to it than checking off a box and going on my merry way, dropping it in the mail. Fucking hell if I know. If I fucked it up, I'm fucked, because I put it off (hoping foolishly to use the time to try to understand) and if I understand it, then I'm annoyed with how simple it is that I even had to embark upon the enterprise and indulge these people in paperwork to begin with.

Whatever. I've got the money, alls I need is the paperwork. If there's one thing in the world I might always find to be beyond the meagre reaches of my comprehension, it'll be paperwork. This makes University registration particularly painful, and i'm sure I'm not alone. I have no patience for process, very little willingness to reduce myself to a little particle in the organism of a University. It's both deja vu and a new dread for me.

It's been an odd day, as I said, and not for any one particular reason. I'm annoyed, because my antibiotics are runnin' low and it's a whole damn production to get more. I'm concerned that this thing is gonna gain back some ground in the meanwhiles. The crickets seem to have moved on, on the plus side, and I'm sleeping a bit better. Those two may not be unrelated, but I've also cut off the senseless caffeine binges.

People been calling all day to see the spare room. We moved Manda's shit out of it and she hauled most of it away in someone's SUV, relinquishing what she couldn't take in the ditch across the way. None of us here seems to care for that move. Anyway, people've been looking at the room.

We ate late because Max had a vet's appointment and everything got juggled around, so food didn't come until about 8:00, which is totally unreasonable for me. The poor dog had an arthritic attack this weekend, and been hobbled. It's kind of a sad sight. I'm all over the place tonight; I already said, I gotta get ahold of myself, and I don't know.

So I was bringing back my plate to mom's kitchen as she'd been kind enough to cook, and all of a sudden there are these people there in the kitchen, a couple I guess and their daughter (I wanna say Sarah?) who will be doing some art program, I seem to have forgotten the details. They were latin. She looked a little punky in the good way, with the labret and red hair, and in I burst suddenly, caught by surprise, wearing my Clash T-shirt. Eric came behind me, also surprised to find we had visitors. He was introduced and his situation (starting school after "some time off") was explained to some "ahh, I sees," a reaction E later pondered. "What did that mean?"

I'm of two minds on the new boarder situation. Actually, I'm of four minds on it. Life is easier without a boarder to worry about, but it contributes to the income of the household. As for this possible boarder (I am going to catch hell for this if this girl moves in and finds this blog, improbable as that seems from this point) she was terribly good-looking which means that of course I'm drawn to wanting her around, but in the more logical sense, we haven't had a boarder yet to whom I could be attracted, and this would be an unprecedented form of awkwardness for yours truly. I have enough trouble with pretty girls outside my house.

Eric and I have been getting along pretty well okay these days; not that B being around ever had any effect, direct, obvious or otherwise, on how we got along. It might depress him to find how little his presence is missed.

I'm fighting the notion that this is the end of summer and oh no school's starting up again. I know that's true, but I'm trying not to care as much as one might conventionally. (Deja vu moment.) I know I'm starting a whole new thing and that the last 4 months of "freedom" have dwindled down to a few mere weeks, but I am only irked somewhat. Wasted opportunities? Sure, by and large. But life seems to keep going on. And if the past 4 months seemed to steal away in a hurry, then the next four are going to be a blur, plain and simple, I might think. Time always passes. I learned this while working until 2 AM at a bowling alley some years ago. As miserable a night as that was, I knew it would end, and have used it as my example ever since. We are never in stasis.

One thing I'm excited abut is not being around the house all day with CNN or Headline News or Star or whatever bullshit gets put on the TV. Eric's turned into a new junkie at the lowest point in the evolution of modern media. This is the nadir of journalism. As a consequence, we hear the same bullshit celebrity stories, zero-insight reiterations, stupid gossip, YouTube phenoms (the rambling beauty queen) other stupid crap. The worst offender is that Eric actually watches Inside Edition, which is setting back the entire culture of western civilization each and every night. Life's too short for Inside Edition, too short to watch Nancy Grace yell at people as they try to make valid points, too short to care about Lindsay Lohan's rehab. Thankfully my idle days are coming to an end, or else I'm likely to just -- snap!

Either we want the things that we want, or we just don't want to fight.

Keep on rockin'
-Scott