Chapter 17: (I just like to use brackets)

It's true, that's the way I write a lot of the time, particularly on SWP and in Forums (ie Comixtreme.) I take a lot of side-trips (like the one I just did, or this one,) just to continually annotate myself. I just always have a lot on my mind, I suppose.

It's been a pretty busy couple of days, and yet nothing terribly substantial happened lately. Really, it's mostly about how much insubstantial stuff has happened. Mom was at Tim's for the weekend, so I suppose I had a hand in reviving that relationship. I dunno. Mom seemed pretty hardline about it before we talked and then I kinda eased her over. I don't believe what I did in that sense was totally selfish, but it wasn't exactly altruistic either. There are worse guys out there for her than Tim and I don't want to have to deal with any of them, and I don't want her to have to do so, either.

I had this weirdly powerful dream the other night, or rather early morning. I had woken up at 6:30 and decided that was too early and so rolled over and went back to sleep. In this sleep I found myself in the midst of one of those really intense, real-seeming dreams. I was sitting with Robyn outside the 5-Star Variety, a local convenience store from my youth right next to River Oaks School. She was telling me about this guy she knew as a kid who had contacted her and wanted her to go to a Bruce Springsteen concert. People kept showing up (for the gathering that is actually at a later date) and she and I wound up having to go to a train station to talk. There were other details I have either lost or omitted from lack of relevance. My point is, it was one of those dreams that, upon waking, makes you wonder where everything from it is.

I spent the day out getting comics. What I miss about my old route was that it allowed me to stop by the lake and relax a while, which was a nice detour on better days. With the QEW underpass open I can shave off so much time and yet that leaves me no natural opportunity to do that. Anyway, I ended up buying a few recent issues of Amazing Spider-Man (it comes out three times a month these days, sort of a marketing gimmick) and the first Astonishing X-Men trade, which I had pledged long ago to Kris that I would get. I mentioned this to Rich (the owner of Comic Connection) and he noted Kris hadn't been around in a while, which I noted was because he'd moved to Windsor a while back. Anyway, both of these projects had a reinvigorating classicism about them that I really enjoyed. The new Spider-Man direction (which exists mostly as a way of aping the old direction) is particularly enjoyable to me.

On my way home I stopped by Whole Foods to see Robyn and buy organic Jelly Beans which are a weird addiction of mine. We've been trying to hang out for weeks but shit keeps coming up and getting in the way. It's frustrating, I suppose, and that annoying little paranoid part of my brain wants to believe she's ducking me, even though there's plenty to indicate otherwise. Anyway, this framed the narrative of the later part of the day, after lounging around and not doing anything of any particular importance and having dinner. I was to call and hang out.

Well she remembered she had prior plans, which is fine. For whatever reason it seemed viable at the time to hang out after she was done whatever it was (I didn't know at the time, but it turned out to be a movie.) But as the evening wore on and I ended up hanging around the house it seemed less and less likely. I didn't do much. I beat Street Fighter II with Ryu (time to try a new character I suppose.) I watched TV. Didn't really leave the house. I just sat and got deep into my head, which wasn't good. My Saturday night kinda drained away from there wondering if I was seriously going to call her up at midnight and what exactly I intended to do.

We ended up having an MSN conversation sometime after that, she explaining how the evening got away from her and being apologetic and me trying not to make it seem like there was all that much to be sorry for. As has consistently been the way, we ended on a note to try again as soon as possible, the next night.

My birthday kinda snuck up on me this year. Last year, I had a lot of time to just wander around town and think "Holy shit I'm turning 20, holy shit I'm turning 20." It was this whole "I'm no longer a teenager" thing I had to put a lot of weight into. This year, it came to be May 25th, the day before my birthday, and I thought, "Hm, I guess tomorrow I'll be 21." And I say it snuck up on me because I didn't even realize we were celebrating until yesterday. I was under the impression we were going to Palmerston to do little Aaron's birthday, but apparently that one got delayed, so we hung around out backyard, had the aunts over, and did barbecue burgers/hot dogs/pizza/Thai Shrimp. Aunt Lori was constantly praising mom for the impressive spread. "You do so much!" She was in awe.

Prior to that today I didn't do much of anything except bum around town and play Guitar Hero. So it got to be about 3:30 and they came over and I started behaving like a birthday guy. We did our best to keep the kids amused by playing their favourite game to abuse us with, Octopus, as well as hide and seek. After dinner and cake, it was presents. Decent but modest spread, I'd say. My calamity Thursday night somehow led me to the conclusion I needed a cell phone, so I had mom get me one as a gift. Maybe it was too practical for a birthday gift but I didn't want to go to the hassle of picking one out myself.

I considered it a point of pride that I didn't have a cell phone. My own little neo-luddite statement. "Fuck you world, I don't need to communicate if I don't want to." I still believe in that, so my pledge is not to be one of those frivolous cell users who has entire lengthy conversations whilst riding the train. It will just allow me to phone for rides when I need them.

I also got some DVDs (Juno, Conchords,) and some Stella, which amusingly enough was marked as being from Cam and Ali.

The later part of the evening was a bit of a tragedy... Cam finally discovered B's gigantic cache of Transformers and demanded he let him play with them. B hasn't been into the toys for years by now, but they're all lined up on the shelf and kinda dusty so taking too many down is a hassle. The kid can be demanding but we were pretty hardline by only letting him play with a few at a time. I wonder if he'll ever accept the notion that you can't always get what you want.

I wonder if I'll ever stop talking in Rolling Stones lyrics. Well, I guess that's just tumbling dice. So far it gives me satisfaction to speak that way, so I think it's gonna not fade away.

Reluctantly, Cam let his moms take him home. After a bit of unwinding I gave roybn another call. After the events of the day, neither of us was really up for anything (she just happened to be the one to say it,) but we ended up having a lengthy conversation about nothing in particular and all sorts of things in general.

The general idea is, with Chris and Lauren and Pat all being overseas this summer, and various others being in various other places, this could potentially be a long, lonely summer if I don't keep constant contact with her, and as many other people as possible too.

I got my work schedule for this week and was delighted to find out that I actually have a day off. Granted, I haven't worked a full week sine getting this job, but the fact is I'm theoretically supposed to work five days a week, and so to have tomorrow (my birthday of all days) off, is particularly pleasant. However, I'm also kinda set to work Sunday, which is good for the extra hours, but not so good for my Saturday night plans since I definitely plan on staying up late and being a mess the next morning. I called my boss about it and tried to wriggle around it - not get out of it per se but leave myself a window of negotiation. I dunno though. It seems like I'm always coming up with excuses to get out of things, and I don't mean to but most of the time *(not always but most) it's a weekend thing that I'm dealing with.

Ah well. I'll figure this all out later. I just want to relax and enjoy my present circumstances and not worry too much about whatever's going on beyond that. All things considered things are pretty decent.

We's only tryin to find our ways.

So keep on rockin'
-Yer Scott