Twelve: The Hot Cold

We're nearly to the end of Mel's stay abroad. She's been gone a full week and then some. From my end it seems to have proceeded exactly as I though it would - gradually, without incident, with things to fill the time.

Saturday, Eric came over. I had had a good writing day in the early afternoon, and was ready to spend the evening pretty much just walking around the city with him. We did a big loop around Queen street, stopping briefly at the African Music Extravaganza there (how'd you like that) and checking out BMV Books before moving along to have dinner at Gabby's. Aside from the service actually being quite slow it was nice. There was some concern about rain since it had showered off and on during the day, but it was fine on the patio. Then we walked back up King St., passing through the Middle Eastern festival there, then back to the Union Summer patio, which we were saddened to find was only on until Aug 4, basically only through June and July. Once we got back to my place, we watched a few episode of bad kid's TV from our youths before he caught the train home.

The next day I saw him again as I went to mom's for "bbq" (actually an indoors-cooked flank steak since their new place wasn't ready for company yet. It was... a fairly typical visit to mom's.

I muddled through the week, trying my best not to subsist on purely crappy dinners and bad TV, although there was some of each. I did a lot of talking out loud to myself as I tend to do when alone, and just trying to ignore any crippling existential despair. In general it's been a lot of contamplation of what I used to do when I had "all the time in the world." Truth is I wasted it then too. Well, I know what I was doing, but what did it amount to?

I went to the gym Tues morning but had to skip it Thurs because I didn't sleep well.

 I had TiVoed MasterChef and was watching through, although Mel is less interested so I'll have to finish it when she's not around somehow, tricky since I'm caught up now.

Or just, you know... never. Honestly I'm not too invested in any of the contestants, it's just something to put on. I've also watched some of LOST Season 4. I also put on Dazed and Confused one night, since that's the kind of movie I can just put on anytime.

It's been important to me to find time almost every day to write. It hasn't been as easy as I'd hoped but most nights I can go to bed feeling like I did what I needed to get done. I've been working on some stuff hat is patently not for public consumption, but that I need to get out of my head. That feels good. Of course it also feels like being on a treadmill - putting in the work but never truly going further, getting closer to the end. I get a lot started, and in fact get pretty deep into it, and then move on at some arbitrary point despite not being done and not even being frustrated per se.

I've taken the month off from my X-Men blog. I enjoy it when it's ongoing but from time to time I catch myself going "What is this, who is it for?" I feel like I'm pretty far from the time when there was any reason for me to maintain a project like that, culturally - you know, the SOTW/CtB years, when it was possible to springboard to ComicsAlliance if the right people saw you, and got "in." And yet it does appeal to me to continue doing to satisfy a certain impulse. Thing is... sometimes I fancy that that time could be put to better use, for the most part when I'm not doing I don't actively fill that time with the stuff I want to be doing. I think it's because I can get into the mindset for X-Cerpts easier, whereas the stuff I want to be writing, the purity of headspace is rarer by far.

Well. I knew I had one shot during these 11 days to make something work, and I have done that. What happens during the rest of the month, I do not know. I do feel like if I have drive, I will do what I can.

I guess Carribana is on now, I saw some women in costume outside this Starbucks, (bedazzled bikinis, feathers, etc.)

I've spent some time, also, working out the fine final details of our big family dinner next Saturday. It will be nice to finally have that in the rearview, after all the headaches it has caused. This weekend is pretty busy, and I honestly wish I had more of it to myself, but a funny thing happens when people find out you have nothing to do, they start grabbing bits of time for themselves, and me, I'm a people-pleaser, I desperately want to give everyone everything I think they deserve, with myself coming last frequently. Tonight I'm in Oakville for dinner with Mel's parents, and then Fonthill for a visit with Pat and Alan while Evan and Celeste are in town - couldn't pass that up since they're rarely around, even though it effectively means I'm seeing Pat and Alan three weekends out of four and hey, that's plenty.

Sigh... it's gonna be a day. At least I have Monday for my very own, depending if I get back to Toronto after Fonthill, or what. Jeez. This whole weekend is slipping away...

Better get home and get things squared away before I go.

I was reading some recent posts and noticed a ton of typos from writing them on my phone - I wonder if I should bother going back and editing. They mess up some pretty key sentences. Hm.

Keep on rockin
-Scotto