One: The Floating Water Dream

I have been having very vivid dreams lately.

It's New Year's Day.

I'd thought I might have gotten a post written sooner but time kept slipping away -- it may still, this is only the beginning of this particular post and there's a lot to cover. Somehow time became very compressed and a lot seemed to happen in the few weeks between the beginning of December and the Holidays. It was a usual kind of last minute shopping frenzy, although on the actual shopping front I think we did it tidier and further ahead of time than many years (although I was still picking up gifts the week leading up to Christmas.) Mel knitted us some giant stockings, which was amazing. Somehow I managed to fill hers (and she mine.)

I got her a new purse, which she has been dying for for years -- she wanted one to replace her brown leather backpack purse but could never seem to find one that fit the bill. I knew just what she was looking for and knew it would be the best gift. I was lucky in that I happened to take some time out of my afternoon one day and go to The Bay and when I went to the purse section, it was sitting right there, looking exactly as I knew Mel had envisioned it. I also got us both (from Santa) some matching workout mats to replace the yoga mats we've been using. A little cushier and less likely to leave debris everywhere.

Mel had to go into the office on the 13th, and afterward went to the Christmas Market with her team. The idea was that I was going to eat leftovers, but neither of us ended up eating until she got home so we got Burgertone (which Mel really enjoyed that night.) She ended up accidentally leaving part of her laptop cable at the office so she had to get it mailed back to her. I had the rash reaction to run out to Canada Computers to try to get her a new one, but I got there before the store was even open, missing a bunch of work for ultimately no reason as it turned out she could do her work on her personal laptop until they could mail the cord back (it only ended up arriving on the 31st.) Well, it's the thought that counts.

We finished watching Sex and the City (along with the movies) getting all the way up to And Just Like That... or as I call it, sad Golden Girls. Seriously, why this show such a drag? And why it forcing itself so hard to show how woke it is? Just be woke.

(Speaking of, Betty White passed yesterday, famously. What a glorious life she led.)

Christmas was... as usual, stressful, anxiety-producing, yet joyous. The day before Christmas eve was cookie day as we had put off baking our promised 48 Gingerbread cookies (!!) until the last minute. It was a bit of a learning experience but not bad once we got into it. We could probably use some better mixing bowls, and we barely have the kind of counter space to complete an operation like that but we made it work. The recipe I had called for a 4-hour (or overnight) chill time and we didn't have that kind of time so I stuck the dough outside for an hour or two and hoped for the best. I think it worked out. But when we used our Gingerbread Mad cookie cutter, it was kind of a flop, had to get the little men to stay... alive and whole. So we had a few mangled ginger men and a lot of circles, which were created by using first a shot glass, then when I was tired of making dozens of tiny cookies, a juice glass. I think the juice glass cookies were the way to go. 

We spent Xmas eve at Nonna's, with the annual "Oh God are we watching It's A Wonderful Life again" session and exchanged secret santa gifts. We ended up staying pretty late, not leaving until after midnight. Which was a problem because we had a lot of gifts to wrap. We had spent most of the afternoon -- after finishing work around noon (and I actually got out right on time!) wrapping gifts that needed to be wrapped in time for Nonna's, but not each other's. Plus we had to do our cake decorating which -- once I ran out to the store to get tips for the icing tube I had bought -- went pretty smoothly. I says to Mel "You know, it's late, it's okay if not everything in the stocking is wrapped," and she says "No! It has to!" So as soon as we got in, we went to our separate work stations and got to work. It took us a bit more than an hour -- I listened to the first two Aerosmith albums as motivation. Thank goodness for the wrapping paper with the grids on it. 

That had a domino effect. I let Mel snooze a bit late the next day and then we did our gift exchange. Mel got me a castiron pan (which I've asked for but, aside from steaks I'm not fully sure what to do with it) and put a bunch of our photos from over the years into an album, which is great and something we've been putting off forever. Then we were a bit late for Dad's (I had said 1, but had told Mel 1:30, and Dad would have preferred noon, and we ended up calling Mel's mom before we left the house.) Once we got going it was fine, but the grief, yeesh. I took it less hard than in previous years where I was desperate to make everyone happy. Now I only kinda wanted to make everyone happy, and kinda felt bad for struggling.

We had our usual lunch and a quick -- but not rushed -- call with Alan and Pat. Dad told us some of his health woes (kidney stones, yikes) and we went to Mom's from there, again later than we might've hoped. There we stayed a bit more distant, opened gifts first, then had a big dinner and stuffed ourselves. Plus there were some desserts. We watched a bit of Anthony Bourdain's Christmas Parts Unknown in the Philippines (really CNN, nothing more current you can put on for the day? Oh well, it's CNN -- which is all mom and Ross watch besides sports.) After that we came home and ...? on the couch for a while. Watched... something, I don't remember what.

Boxing Day we went over to Mel's parents for another gift and stocking exchange. They got me an espresso maker which was wonderful. I didn't even realize we were giving gifts that way because of the Secret Santa. From there it was up to Unc and Sherlie's for finger foods, and we watched a Brazilian Christmas movie (dubbed in English) called Just Another Christmas, which was actually quite enjoyable (it seemed like it was going to be Groundhog Day, but it was Click.) 

The rest of the week passed casually. We spent most of it on the couch, only emerging for a few necessary errands. When I had time to myself I drilled down hard to finish writing a story that I had begun back in 2019 and had fallen by the wayside as newer, shinier projects took precedence. In the wake of my last big release I was casting about for something to do and after a few false starts I thought to myself "Maybe I should try to finish that one." I have a habit of leaving things unfinished and it would feel so gratifying to get that one stitched up. It didn't even take that long either, as long as I was focussed. It turns out I just needed two years to mull over some of the plot entanglements that were tripping me up when I left off in early 2020. I'm happy that I'll have one out for the New Year, once I finish revising and tightening the draft.

I formally announced that the Patreon is done at the end of January -- I had promised posts through then and want to maintain goodwill with my three patrons (two of whom are personal acquaintances and would probably understand -- and one of those has dropped his donation down anyway.) It wouldn't feel right to just abruptly say "Hey, I'm done with this now." It's tempting to say it was a failed experiment, but an experiment can't fail it can only yield unexpected results. I had hypothesized that I could convert some of my readership into paying customers using only my "brand" and some related content. I now know that is not true to any sufficient degree to make that model viable. Lesson learned. I would never put X-Cerpts behind a paywall and I dabbled in ads but they were disgusting. I think I'm going to just slap a tip jar on it and say "Toss me a few bucks if you like what I do." Maybe I'll sweeten the pot by giving half the proceeds to charity (but if I don't get any money that'll just be sad.)

Point is -- I would love to make money doing X-Cerpts but it is not currently in the cards. However, the LS stuff, there is actual money in that and I have reaped the rewards so I'm encouraged to keep going. Not "quit your day job" money, but "Buy yourself something pretty" money. Which is still welcome.

I openly stated I would like to put out six works of any significant length this year (20K words or more), one every two months, so that there's never a fallow period in the selling cycle. In reality if I do less I'll be fine with it. Fewer than four and I'd be disappointed though. We'll see. The production time on these things can be longer than two months, what with never actually having time to write.

I would love to take shortcuts. Come up with some stupid premise that I can just plug characters in and watch them go, and do a volume business, but I'm not like that. It has to be more natural. I can't be crass. And I'd love to be crass.

We ended up watching some How I Met Your Mother, since it's apparently leaving Netflix... today. I have the first however-many seasons on DVD but never got the rest because by the time I wanted them, they were on Netflix. (I just checked, I have 1-6.) While the show never got bad, I wonder if I would bother completing the set. It wouldn't cost too-too much and it's the kind of thing where I would hate to lose access to it forever. We're now seeing this mature part of the streaming life cycle where you realize these things really aren't around forever and maybe ownership isn't so bad.

So last night was New Year's Eve. We had invited Eric over when we saw him at Christmas (and Brandon, but as expected he declined.) Eric was non-committal because of his work schedule, and even texted us the day of to say "I'm working pretty early tomorrow, think I'm gonna pass." We gave him the "Aw, come on" and he said "Well okay." We tidied up (or pushed all the clutter to the far side of the room) and re-arranged the living room, finally assembling our endtables (they only had three pieces that required six screws, I could have done them anytime) and moved the green chair over so he could sit with us without us all wedging onto the couch. We spent most of the night eating apps from M&M, including a shrimp ring I had forgotten to thaw overnight (but I put it in a temperate water bath to get the same effect in only a few hours, so good) and playing Mario Party for Wii -- the Hotel version, which is nice because virtually anyone can win (I did though.) Then some more minigames and Smash Bros until 11:55, when we switched to the countdown. Happy new year, la la la, watched some old clips on Seacrest and then Eric got an uber home.

Quiet, but that's precisely what makes us happy these days.

It's funny. There's so much I don't tell. There's one big absence in these recent entries that I feel weird about omitting and would feel weird about including. We're, shall we say, working on the next phase of the relationship, which... when you say it, it gives people expectations, and maybe that's not wrong, but if it doesn't work out, it's like you've failed or something. Or if it takes a long time and people get antsy. So better to say nothing. But the truth is, it's been a while -- since September at least -- and Mel is starting to get disheartened. Or well, she's been disheartened, and it's just adding up. I don't know. I want it, she wants it, we probably thought it would be easier than this. I don't know what life is going to look like after it does happen (so I'm trying to enjoy things as they are until they're not this way anymore) but... it's weird not feeling like I can say to my parents "This is happening." Especially because they want it.

I don't know. This is a weird time in life, but what isn't?

Facebook just gave me memories of New Year's 2007 (one of the few that I documented on that site.) That was certainly a time in life, long long ago.

Sometimes I think I should look people up. People from then, people from HMV, whatever. Many of us are nebulously around on Facebook. I don't know. I get pangs of nostalgia but I don't necessarily feel the need to inflict the past on the present. My present is what it is and I like it for that. People drift, sometimes in the same direction, sometimes not.

And those are your thoughts for the new year.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto