1:11 PM: Dancing

So, it's about 1 AM here. I could be in bed, and I might even be asleep, but I'm not. I'm not particularly tired although I had what I would describe as a normal amount of caffeine during the day. I could probably stand to cut back on the pop -- it's become a staple for lunch when it hadn't been for a while.

It's really about that sweet sweet revenge bedtime procrastination. Whatever, I'm up. But for the last, oh, hour or so, I haven't been even doing anything with my upness. Just scrolling, stupid shit on my phone. Trying to feel the aloneness and not feel the aloneness all at once. The quiet, and yet also subjecting myself to the headache-inducing static of the unsleeping online world. I don't know. I didn't feel like taking any action. I also didn't feel like watching old comfort TV. And I didn't feel like sleeping.

So?

I keep meaning to philosophize about the way the days keep going by, but oh, what's the use? This is life. Get up, make my coffee -- always a highlight -- have a bit of phone time and a bagel before work, then work, plus a little bit of distraction, then lunch, then more distraction than work probably, water the garden, dinner, tv, bed. Those are the weekdays that peel away, and it sounds sad to say it like that but I must stress this: this is not forever. For once in my life I feel we are moving toward something, slowly though it may be, and whatever is now will pass and be but a memory in the future. So what's the sense in getting all profound about it? Sit tight.

We went to the trailer, um, a couple of weeks ago I guess... time is moving strangely lately so it's hard to gauge. June was such a slow burn but July is evaporating before our eyes, it's funny. It was the week of July 2-5. I had a whole post written about the last bit of June, that I did up there but didn't post. You'll see it below this one soon, it'll be backdated.

The preparation for the trailer was a misadventure. We tried to do good and make a list of everything we needed and I still missed some stuff. I feel like such a knob with my brain lately. I honestly think it's just distraction, getting more serotonin from things that are not my daily every day life that I should be more present in. Not to knock my real life or the people I spend it with, but yeah, the mind wanders. I've never been great at being "present."

It wasn't as bad as last year when I forgot the keys until we were 1/3 of the way up there, but it wasn't great either. I forgot certain ingredients for the lunches we wanted to make, so I had to hurry into a FreshCo in Fergus to get some while en route. Then on day two as we were preparing to go in the pool -- which is of course the big attraction for Mel the self-proclaimed "water baby" -- I realized I had forgotten my swimsuit. It was on the list! But during the part of the packing that would have been devoted to adding it to the suitcase, my attention was drawn to other things.

Luckily, Aunt Lori and Gail hadn't left yet -- we had spent the night before hanging at their trailer chatting (interrupting what we clearly going to be a movie night, hopefully not unwelcome) and Mel suggested I should go see if Cam had ever left a swimsuit up here. And by good fortune, he had! And it fit me, if a little bit snugly! And it had Minions on it! So you know, my aesthetic.

It was good though. I tried not to carry the guilt of my faulty brain too much. We had a nice time. The weather was good, all sun, no rain despite the forecast, meaning swimming every day (there were some kids lounging by the pool every day, who I guess had some permission.) The usual shenans. We got home late on Wednesday, with me gunning it as usual to the sound of the Arctic Monkeys' first album. We got to Boston Pizza in Burlington at 9 PM or so to pick up our late dinner.

That all felt like a big story I was going to tell when it was happening and now it's just... you know, whatever. Kind of the story of my life. Whilst up there, I got an idea for a story that I was excited to start.

On Thursday we went to the bank, riveting. The subsequent Friday we went to Matthew and Rita's wedding out in Niagara-on-the-Lake. Long day, and hot but not unbearable as we were mostly in the shade. Food was good, music was good, there were lots of young folks for dancing -- I guess I wasn't feeling like giving it my all, the kids were doing plenty of that so I sort of just shimmied next to Mel. I'm getting up there, you know! Tired legs, sore knees etc. What do I have to prove?

I... could not tell you what we did for the rest of that weekend except I think we pretty much just lounged and enjoyed our time off. This past weekend we had some birthdays to attend, Deb's and Nonna's. For Deb's, Eric was able to make it, having worked a lunch shift rather than a dinner as he had thought, so it was great to catch up with him. At Nonna's, we pretty much just did cake and watched America's Funniest Videos on the antenna. 

Like I said, it's not important to have big deep thoughts about the minutia right now. It's more important to enjoy it. Savor it. Be zen, be the tranquil pond. Or the river, or something.

Well, I've typed. I've made some noise in the night and drained myself. Turns out there really wasn't all that much of consequence. Just a lot of One Tree Hill re-watching.

Keep on Rockin'

Scotto