Ch10: Innocent (Heart's Done Time)

This is going to be, I think, a depressing post.

That's not to directly state that I, myself, am depressed. As a matter of fact, if I so chose, I could probably be rather upbeat. I however elect to waive this right. Not depressed; distressed, perhaps, and most assuredly delirious.

I think I need to take a week just for myself, to write out some goals and to achieve them. There are certain things I've been putting off and would like at last to complete within a reasonable timeframe.

I'm not entirely certain what this entails, but it will, I think, amount to a controlled period of withdrawal from "society." I've still got to go about my business, but for 5 or 6 days it might behoove me to become reclusive. Now's the perfect time. My life is in general disarray and I can't trust that further exploiting it will help that end. I just need to relax and try to enjoy myself.

If this doesn't make any sense to you, there's probably a reasonable explanation for that: I had this idea (if it can as such be called,) during a brief moment of lucidity in my general malaise this weekend. I still feel shat-upon, healthwise. It's moved from sneezing and headaches to coughing and upset stomach, a lateral move I suppose. I hardly slept last night and in my dreams I had foreboding visions. I've not been well.

My room has become unfriendly to me, which is upsetting. I blame the lack of my clock, yet to be rectified. It's weird to be in a dark room and not know what time it is. I got up in the middle of the night last night and ate an apple. I'm not entirely sure why, but I think most health problems can be alleviated by the invocation of fresh fruit.

The world has just been unintentionally hostile to me. It means well but fails in its intentions. What once appeared providence became burden and I ask myself if it's worthwhile.

So I'm regrouping and I'll be able to redebut myself this time next week. It's a difficult position to explain, and I've done a lame job.

I'm going to look back at this post someday, perhaps not far in the future, and think how ridiculous I sound, but hey; I'm sick. There's not adequate bloodflow to my brain. This is what I've got.

See ya later, keep on rockin'
-Scott