G2: Nothing left but to dance

It's hard, I think, not to get a little wrapped up in your own crap.

Yesterday I was in a funk all day and it's not hard to imagine why. I had trapped myself in this "oh my dreams have been squashed on woe is me and what am I going to do now?" cage. It's hard for me not to have an existential dilemma over shit like that. As much as I want to pick myself up and move on, it draws my attention to a few of the problems with the way life is right now.

I'm uninvolved. I feel like an observer, not a participator, if that makes sense. On friday, Roy and Nathan had all the students - or at least as many as they could wrangle - and going over the issue outlining the good and bad, and I just felt, "should I be doing more, so that it applies to me?" So what am I to do?

No idea. All of a sudden I went from having too much going on to pretty much static. The physics of how my life is going should be impossible. Where did all that energy go? It wasn't used, that's for sure. Hence, it is spent in me feeling like crap.

So thankfully, I started writing again last night. For a while I wasn't wanting to write, but I dove back in last night, feeling I had nothing else. It's nice to still be able to get a feeling of accomplishment from something.

I wanted to get a little more cheerful this weekend. Haasim had gotten some free tickets to see Play (symphonic performances of video game music,) and I was going to go see that. It's complicated why I didn't. I don't know how to put it. Maybe when I read this in the future, I'll remember, or maybe I won't. It's all in my head, anyhow.

A. and I had a conversation where we were on opposite sides. I was trying to accept the fact that I was staying in, and she would rather have. I hope she found her balance. It wasn't such a bad thing I didn't go. Didn't feel like it.

What can I say? I have my melodramatic moments. Many of them are catalogued here in this site.

Lacking energy. More to say later, perhaps.

Keep on rockin'
-Scott