1.2: Before you realize I was ever gone

The pendulum swings back. Explained later.

The day began with thunder. A doombringing thunder and hail of lightning crashing upon the earth, and a veritable monsoon of... rain. (Redundant though that is.) Okay, so it wasn't quite apocalyptic. I mean, it wasn't exactly a hurricane, but when the radio came on a little later, the DJ's were joking about seeing the "Seven Horsemen." Which is funny, because I thought there was only four (Ric, Arn, Ole and Tully... yup, four. Haha, nobody gets that.)

I was actually worried that the barbecque was being left out in the rain. As far as I knew, Eric had neglected to put the cover back on it, and that bothered me. At 6:30 in the morning with the rain drenching the world, I'm thinking about the BBQ. I have no idea why. Probably because of the thunder I couldn't sleep (I like thunderstorms, but not when I need rest.) So my mind wandered and that's where it ended up. You wonder why I can't sleep in silence. (Or maybe you didn't.)

It turned out, mom had replaced it the night before. That eased my mind and I was glad with her. I didn't immediately fall back asleep, but I did drift. Mom asked me, though, to not take the forest path if it was still thundering when I left. It wasn't, and I did.

As you might have gleaned from reading this thing, both today and other times, my mind has been all over the place lately. Really scattershot. I realized today that I'm not thinking nearly as much about school as I should be. I don't know where I'm at a lot of the time, what I ought to be doing. I haven't gotten in trouble yet because of it, but I could see myself messing something up. I've never been the best at keeping schoolwork organized. That's really building to a head probably soon.

One major source of anxiety has been my work at the paper. Under the new system, Joe, Ed and I have to sift through all the stories - from the Sun Online and newspaper writers - and decide what's going in the paper. The decisions we make are fairly arbitrary, I'm not going to lie. I'm not happy about it, because I feel like a collosal fuckup when faced with these decisions. However, Roy has not once taken me aside and told me, "Listen, Scott, you've got to get a better handle on what stories go where." Nope. And I know he'd do it. On tuesday, he redesgned a whole page, and I didn't mind, because my design was shit and his was good. And he had no qualms about saying, "this is how it'll be." And so I have carried on.

But y'know, it ain't easy. Because the new system is complicated for the writers. They think they are supposed to be on the Sheridan Sun, but all their stories might go to Sun Online and vice versa. Because all the stories go into the same folder and it's up to me - me, and Ed, and Joe - to figure out what's going where. Complicating things are factors like, how many pages is the section, how many ads are in it, and what stories have pictures. This week, Joe had to send at least one, maybe two stories lanned for the Sun's A&E section because they wouldn't fit, and they were replaced with Haasim's "Play" article, which was intended for SOL. So shit gets re-arranged and sometimes we have no idea how it came to be. And then people get confused.

Mansoor happened to mention this, during our class, that a story of his happened to get moved, and he wondered why. I don't think he realized that it was more or less my call, and that I immediately felt both bad for having upset him (or made him feel however he'd felt,) and a little annoyed for having to hear this complaint from a second time in three days, regardless of it being one of my better friends.

So needless to say, we came to blows, and I bested him in three rounds of bareknuckle boxing.

No, that's only what happened in my head. In factuality (portmanteau!) we had a talk about it and discussed how chaotic the new system is, and how he isn't selfish, but did want a clipping. I explained my remorse over having to make these decisions and how sometimes there was not right answer at all. We grabbed a drink and got cool.

It was during this trip for beverages that the pendulum truly did swing back my way, if only for this little bit.

Because I was going to the cafeteria with Mansoor, I happened to be in the B-Wing, where I might not otherwise have been. And on this day, there happened to be a station of recruiters for jobs. And I happened to be stressing out for the past 5 days over my lack of employment. And this place - which, for purposes of avoiding jinxing, will remain nameless - was actually the whole reason I ever wrote myself a résumé two or three years ago in the first place, regardless of my at-the-time total lack of experience. I even went to the trouble of delivering them said résumé, along with the application, and fielding a few interview questions on the spot. I think I did well, but could have done better with a little more preparation. But them's the breaks.

Another way the pendulum has swung back my way is the Thanksgiving dilemma, but that's for tomorrow, since this entry has been cramped.

It was an atmospheric day today. Rainy, to be sure, but still a decent day to be out. The rain was, after the intense bursts of the morning, light in the afternoon. The sun didn't peek out between the clouds, but did illuminate the greyness to create an effect similar to the Silverdome. There distance was obscured by an ethereal haze, an incipient invasion from an alternate dimension. I was at Kerr & Rebecca (as I frequently am.) I felt that, for now, all was calm and finally climbing back to the right place.

The pendulum has swung...

The Thanksgiving dilemma and its resolution tomorrow.

Tonight, keep on rockin'
Right now, Scotto.