K: I felt the need for a long title, since there hadn't been one in a while, and so I began typing this sentence and cannot stop until this period.

Feeling bad for feeling good. A very human state of being, I suppose.

I want to start this entry also by thanking Rachel for coming. She ranks in a very presitgious group of people to whom I can truly relate and with whom I can have a world-class conversation. The other three all have names that begin with "A."

"Not everyone would do this," I said in reference to the fact that she sat for roughly 3 hours in a noisy bowling alley just to converse, I added "In fact, nobody else has, so thanks." I note that not to try to shame everyone for visiting because I do get by (and after tonight's events, maybe it's not such a great idea,) but to emphasize how cool it was of her to do that.

However, maybe we shouldn't go that way again. Not tos ay I got in trouble, but I got some disapproving comments from Val (manager,) when I belatedly asked for my break, including the predictable, "you mean that wasn't your break?" Har har. Feeling like I needed to pay the universe back for taking it easy on me tonight, I only took 15 minutes of my break. So in terms of Buddhism, I think I'm squared, even though I didn't legitimately do anything wrong. My only mistake was not looking like I was working. That's the key to being a porter, I realize that now... appearance is everything, even though I did the same amount of work I would have anyway.

It's been a long time since I've really gone one-on-one in person for a great length of time, with nothing but conversation, and had a good time. I think I went without for the whole month of September. As a matter of fact, I can't remember the last time I had a really good conversation in person. I have to have had one since after the prom.

And pardon the introspection, but the fact that I had such a great night represents a great conundrum in my life. It is quite clear that I may never find a good woman, ever again, if indeed I ever had one. Maybe I don't treat them enough like dirt. I'm too friendly, too conversational, so when I make a move it's off-putting to them, and unappealing. So maybe if I wanted a girl, I'd have to be tougher on them, play mind games, make them feel like they're nothing without me.

Note the sarcasm, people.

Women: the mystery that walks like a human.

I guess the big deal is that I don't know what women want. I know that they want their way but different women have different ways. All I have to offer is my ear and tongue. That's my initial offer. Maybe I'm not much to look at, but I can quip better than any man you know, unless you know Doug.

Tongue planted firmly in cheek, everybody. It's just a casual reflection on the fairer sex. I'm not depressed or anything. I'm actually quite well. Just prone to a little extra thought tonight.

Well I'm tired. Tired of trying to figure it all out tonight. I don't have the time and energy. And even if I did manage to figure women out tonight, I'd probably fall asleep and forget it in the morning. And where would that get me? I'd be the man who had women figured out for 18 seconds before he fell asleep and dreamed about waterskiing or something. And everyone would be like "Scott, why did you dream about waterskiing?" and I'll be like, "I don't know, but now it's all I can think about." And with my luck I'd go waterskiing and die in a horrible one-in-a-million waterskiing accident. And then I'd be dead and all the women at my funeral would be like "gee, he was such a good friend... and nothing else." All because I dared attempt to sit down one late October evening and figure women out.

Happy now?

G'night and keep on rockin'
-Scotto