X: The last to leave the party

Oh, uh... wow.

Let me begin today by say I have no idea how I should feel right now. It's insane. I just don't think there's any one way my mind can decide to interpret all the things that happened last night. But what comes above it all is the fact that I managed to actually get out and experience what I like to call "society," and now I'm actually feeling something... which makes me happy. So that's on the top. I'm happy. Yeah.

But it's weird. My mind can't be bothered to deal with the implications of last night's commencement ceremony. I can't tick off in my head all the people I (probably) won't see again (but who knows.) I'll never say never because, to quote the title of a Beatles song I'm rather fond of, "tomorrow never knows." And as long as I have this blog, people know where I'm at.

And that's as good a segué as any to something I wanted to talk about: what is the deal with people reading this thing? I mean, that's cool, that's what it's there for, but it's not even "yeah I read your blog so I know what you're up to" it's like "your blog is so interesting, I love reading it." Yeah? Huh?? At three different points in the evening did the subject of this blog come up (once at the reception, once with Ana and once with a girl who has actually been reading it for a while, and stalking me -- more on that in a minute.) I dunno man. It's not that my life is interesting, or that I have anything interesting to say (I'm thinking,) just that I'm good at finding ways to say it. After all, what am I, if not a writer? Should I not be able to make the everyday occurrences of my life seem interesting? My only problem is it brings into perspective the fact that people are reading this and I have absolutely no idea who's out there. Not that I need to know, because in truth, it's better if I don't think about it. I think the blog would suffer if I thought "Oh I can't write that, that would upset so-and-so."

I spoke about it more than the movie, which is a relief. That's not to say I didn't have to field the usual "how about the movie" questions from Doug and Ryan, but still... geez man. I should try and get some advertising revenue on here, hahaha... kidding.

So I guess I oughtta take it from the top. I didn't know if I should dress up. I decided nobody would laugh if I put on a dress shirt and tie, but I felt better with a rough sort of look - the shirt was untucked, the top button was undone, as were the cuffs, and the tie was loose. I was going to wear jeans, but mom pass-aggressed it out of me. She didn't mean to, but jsut be pressing the issue I felt the obligation. I didn't regret it, but I still think jeans would have been fine. I was sort of in-between the crowd that was quite dressed up (Cary, Chris, even Kyle,) and people who did not dress up whatsoever (Goad, Anisah, others.) As it turned out, the QEII Scholarship is technically an award so I actually did have to go up with all the awards people, which is good - as a result I did indeed sit next to Ryan Wheeler, as I figured I would. It is imperative in a 2-hour ceremony that is mostly sitting and listening that you are seated with people you know and like and can make smartass comments to. Chris Brown was right behind us. (Aside: this comment fits nowhere else, but was anybody else's hair pulled out by the friggin' cap?)

None of the details of the ceremony are really important enough to recall. A number of boring speeches were made. Miss Fedurco was actually booed. I didn't boo, but I found it hy-larious that she was. It wasn't planned as far as I can guess, it really just seemed like the knee-jerk instinct of a few individuals. Good for them. And then she actually said "within out white community," when she meant to say "White Oaks Community." Maybe she deserved to be booed, racist woman.

Efe's speech touched a number of people. I'm not so certain I was moved by it. I mean, given the atmosphere you're bound to find anything that comes so from the heart moving, but I don't think that was exactly what I wanted in a valedictorian speech. It was kind. It was nicely-worded. It was reflective. It just wasn't incredibly inspiring for the future. But that's just my opinion. Maybe I'm just a cynic. Although you know, thinking on it, it was still quite good. Hell, I certainly couldn't have done it better. It tied the whole experience together rather well.

And God love Kyle for his Harvard remark. One last note on that portion of things: you can tell it went too long because by the end you could smell the burning of the stage lights. Not particularly pleasant.

The reception afterward was almost unbearable, just because of the sheer volume of people crammed into the gym. I was frequently heard to cry "there's too damn many people in here!" Dad took a few pictures of me with my fake dimploma (for you see, he wanted me in hte robe, and to get my real diploma, I would have to disrobe, so to speak.) I said goodbye to (the newly shorthaired) Alyssa Chrastina for the second time in two days. I don't know how long it will be before I go to see her in Toronto again. Besides, she'll be living in a new place with her boyfriend, and there's this weird feeling I have that I'll be like a third wheel even if he's not around. Hard to describe. Completely irrational but there all the same.

Had some other conversations before heading over to Cary's. Particularly one with Josh Kerhsaw about Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Now let me tell you, without Josh, I doubt if I'd ever have a conversation with anyone about Phillip Seymour Hoffman. And that reminded me once and for all how good buddies we really are. If that was the last conversation I ever had with him, it'd be fine. I mean, I hope it's not, but it was really refreshing. I hadn't had a real conversation with him for months, even before the end of the school year.

Anyway, this post is already monstrously long as it is. I should take a break and come back and recpa the rest of the night.

Keep on rockin'
**Scott Williams: ("Be right back")