03: What Amn't I

Last night, Mel, Eric and I, along with Mel's fam, went to Ribfest. We had all done so last year and it was an extremely memorable outing - we did a few rides, won various stuffed animals at the Midway games, Eric sprung for a blooming onion that everyone enjoyed, and there was a Bruce Springsteen cover band (Glory Days). This year was much the same pattern, except the Springsteen band was a Fleetwood Mac cover band (Fleetwood Nicks.) Fleetwood Mac has a ton of great songs although I feel like there isn't the excess of potential material that Glory Days was working with - all the hits, plus some Nicks solo stuff and if I'm not mistaken at least one Tom Petty song. Mel and I danced to some songs I didn't recognize. I think they closed with Don't Stop.

At the beginning of the night, Mel, Eric and I had to save everyone's seats, which was tough and it took so long to get for that our already late start really got pushed back, but the ribs at the fortuitously named Kansas City Bad Wolf were the best I've had from Ribfest ever.

Another difference was that Eric didn't won us any huge stuffed animals, as he missed out the games. I won Mel a pug at the water gun game and we won a penguin together at the dart balloon game. It was chilly, I wish I'd brought my sweater. Eric spent much of the later point of the evening waiting in line to pick ribs up for Brandon, and frequently choosing the wrong line - when he wasn't in the latrine. He did  join us on the Ferris Wheel though, which Mel agreed to go on after I had told her it was OK if she didn't want to do rides (Eric had bought tickets thinking they were for games but not realizing they were in fact literally just tickets to ride.) Mel and I also did the merry go round and while we considered bumper cars, or me doing the Gravitron myself when we were down to 3 tickets, I chose to ride the spinny arm ride myself because it had the least wait.

I sprung for Tiny Toms doughnuts, four dozen for $20.

The week had had its ups and downs. This was the thickest part of our optimization project, with my being charged with actioning a bunch of large format stores as well as filling in the template for small format ones. At points I felt like I was keeping myself in a tunnel, unable to interact with others because I had so much work to do - it was lonely. Friday I had technical difficulties that prevented me from getting as much done, so I spent a lot of time talking to Isaiah about comics. When I do that I seem so bitter because I love comics as a medium but have totally fallen out of love with Marvel. My current position is that I want to someday be coaxed back.

Monday had been the Drive to 25 conference where Indigo touted all its successes this year and the way it was building toward the future. I've got go say it really does feel good to work with a company on an upward trajectory after all those years at HMV. It also feels like my own life is on an upward trajectory, which is new.

At the conference (assembly? Show?) I ran into Bruce, my old RD, and he expressed the belief that I was doing very well and they would want to keep me here, and while I don't know where he might be hearing that from, it was borne out a few days later at my one-on-one with Murray. We agreed I was past the learning curve in good time, and now it was time to expand a little bit. Of course, the next day revealed that I'm not exactly 100% all the time in this role, yet, so maybe we're jumping the gun a bit. But it's nice to be perceived as excelling.


It was a rainy week, and although the weather was clear for Ribfest, it was a chilly night. Poured the next morning and a light sprinkling today. What a dreary start to summer.


I've been reading old posts - hence this one mimicking the format - from way, way, way back around first year of U of T. Even then I was talking about how I was not posting as much as I used to! Incredible how things change/stay the same. Also I was, like, suuuuper into How I Met Your Mother (which I am almost done re-watching with Mel as we speak, as it so happens) and Guitar Hero.


I kinda love my habit back then of just dropping in the various names like everyone is expected to be acquainted. I don't love, as much, those times when I had to keep names secret or hadn't felt comfortable naming them yet, because it's so far on now I have to guess. But that's in itself something of a fun exercise.


I think about where I was then, how I was down on myself, how I would blow with the wind depending on whether it was a good day or bad. I recognize it all as myself, as things I had thought or noticed, but obviously I'm not him anymore. Ten years can do a lot! And that person to some degree really wanted to be who I am now, couldn't imagine being him, and yet would probably also have a few choice words of concern if we were being honest with each other.


And yet, we're not so different. He beamed over good marks and stressed over whether he was faking his way through school. I beam over kind words from my boss and stress over whether I'm just faking my way through this job.


He also let a lot of typos go through - holy shit was I in a hurry to flush out all these thoughts.


Not long after I started here, it was my birthday and I made everyone guess how old I now was. Everyone underestimated by a range of 2-5 years, which felt nice but also not - like, I have maintained a steady, youthful appearance, which is cool. But that also makes me look inexperienced (which I suppose I am!) Crying out loud, my boss is my same age! Yet because he wears a suit to work and has a wedding band I can't help but regard him as older, wiser, more authoritative. Strange.


I got a late start, but perhaps I'm off and running now.


Here's what life is like, for the five-years-from-now Scotto who can't remember. The alarm goes off at 5:30, but she snoozes until 5:45, and then she either gets up for her workout or she sleeps in. I stay in bed until about 6:25 or 6:30, grab a shower and get dressed. Lately I've been making her shake for her, as a kindness. And a timesaver. For the time being we're both commuting to the city so it behooves us to co-ordinate. We get the bus at 7:25 usually, which gets us to the train well ahead of the 7:47. They've opened a Tim Hortons on the platform and every day is a struggle to resist it. Occasionally but not so much lately we get a seat on the train.


We get to the city about a quarter after 8. I walk with her up to Bay and King and then we part ways and I walk far down King to Spadina, where I walk up to the fourth floor, sit down at my desk (I have a desk! Which is where I'm typing this now!) and work, or stall. Lunch is at noon. I can leave before 5 if I want to but usually I'll end up waiting a while for her anyway.


We get home at 6 or 6:30. I make dinner. We've developed a stable of recipes we occasionally add to. Sometimes we collaborate but let's face it, it stresses her out too much to see me do it. We watch Netflix. I do the dishes. We are in bed by 10, usually. Sometimes well before.


It's a quiet life.


I like it.


And yet...............


Keep on rockin
-Scotto

02: King of a Small Place

First of all, I'm pretty glad to look at the hit counter for the last entry and see it at zero. Not that don't want anybody to read this blog... I wouldn't likely be writing it if I didn't, and I won't write anything I would be uncomfortable with someone sensitive hearing about (I hope) but I like the idea of accruing thousands and thousands more words as the years go on and not having to defend them in any forum. My private public record.


In my last post, I made a quick offhand reference to having a phone interview for a job at Indigo head office, after working in the store for 2.5 years. Anyone who is working in retail past a certain age starts to wonder about what comes next. If you're like me and never really settled on a direction for yourself, that can be a source of stress. I mean, I had a big birthday coming up, and the forward momentum in that aspect of my life had seriously stalled. I entertained notions of "writing my way out" but in truth I've always been more of a tinkerer. I never get anything done, and these days I don't really have time to do much more than that. I was always trying to steal a few moments when the store was slow, or on my lunchbreak, or in the hours before Mel would get home from work, or after she'd fallen asleep but I was still up. But what I was writing wasn't serious. They were just little scenarios I could toy with, things that were always on my mind never in finished form, thinks that occurred to me when I was walking the aisle of the store. You see a title, it reminds you of another title, you think what it means to you... you read the inside flap of a book, or the first page, and you use that as a jumping off point. Inspiration is not hard to come by, if you're open to it. But productivity, that's harder.


My idea was to write some scandalous stuff, sell ebooks on Amazon and publicize it on less-than-reputable forums under an assumed name. The endgame there? I suppose just to say I had. Even if it had to remain a secret to everyone and I couldn't literally say I had done this. A true matter of not being in it for the glory but for my own feeling of accomplishment and an incredibly small payoff (because let's face it, what can you charge for 40,000 words of an unknown writer's work?)


It was a far-off, far-out dream, and I succeeded only in amusing myself for small periods when I had nothing else going on. (More successful has been my long-dreamed-of blog where I just read and write about old X-Men comics. A boon to society? Not really. But amusing to me, and it would seem, at least five people reading it.)


So I had no real professional direction. I was spinning my wheels. Occasionally I would get very frustrated with my place in life and start applying for jobs I probably had no business going for. Things I thought I could do or learn, sure, but that there were others with highly specialized knowledge and experience I had not gotten and had no time to get.


My best option always seemed to be Indigo Home Office. It seemed unlikely, because any posting for HO would be mobbed by people just like me, so I kept my expectations moderate, but I would not let that stop me altogether. But one day, the stars aligned, and Sandy showed me a posting on the company's internal message board from someone at HO who she had hired many years ago, looking for someone to help with the Bargain Optimization project. I sent in my resume and as strong of a cover letter as I could. Somehow I got a call. The call was actually not for the job I had initially applied for, but a related one (Trade Optimization instead of Bargain - a bigger project, a contract through September 29) The first call led to a test with the Optimization Template, and somehow my findings, as well as my discussion on the follow-up call, were coherent enough to warrant an offer.


It was bewildering. I got word on April 26 that they wanted me to start on May 15 - or the 8th if I could make it work. (I could.) In under two weeks I said goodbye (for now) to the people and store where I had been working for over two years, to the type of work I had been doing for most of my adult life. By the time of my 30th birthday I had achieved my goal, at least for the time being, of having a job where I sit down.


I went from a job where I was senior, knew everything, had a hand in everything, was (as the unusually applicable title of this blog states) King of my little world, to one where I was just learner, newbie, small fish. It's not a job I ever anticipated myself doing, but I'm picking up on it well. I want to make myself vital. I want to earn my spot. Some might prefer to be the King of Town, but I'd rather be peasant of the city.


Then again, here I am slacking writing all this, because I'm somewhat between tasks right now. That's not ideal. But I did always envision an office job including time for this, so, yeah.


Where does this all lead? I don't know. New career? Fun summer then back to square 1 in October? Either way, I've got momentum for, like, the very first time.


Keep on rockin'
-Scotto