GG: The trick of the depiction of facts

Having sort of a lazy afternoon/early evening, with Mel napping, Hank napping (as always) and me sitting here entertaining myself as the ominously warm late October breeze comes through my screen door. We've been running around so much lately we sure deserve it. After our busy weekend, we still had a fair amount planned for Monday, preparing for our overnight trip, especially by cleaning the house so that Mama H wouldn't be too shocked by what she found when she got here to look after Hank. But we got knocked off course after Mel's parents came by to get the key, and basically slagged off the day watching Beetlejuice (PVR'd the previous day) and Final Destination 3 on AMC instead. And what can I say? Were we not entitled to a little downtime on our week off? The only negative effect was that it pushed packing back to just before bedtime, which caused some frustration for tired Scotto.

The next morning, I got up, walked Hank, gave myself the slightest bit of grace to sit and enjoy coffee, then took it on myself to start cleaning. There was a lot to do in the kitchen, but if you give me two completely uninterrupted hours I can do a lot in this place. Of course, I never have two uninterrupted hours, so you never know. I did mess up pretty badly by spilling the gross old flower water when trying to change out the sunflowers but I got it sopped up quickly. I got the kitchen looking good and everything aligned, and after some last-minute arranging of things, a quick breakfast and a sad farewell to Hank we headed out.

We had hoped to leave at 11:30 but didn't get out the door until right around 12. It was absolutely pissing down rain when we left but it cleared up not far down the road. It was a decent hour's drive to the Falls.  We got there around 1, got through our check in -- the most troublesome part of which was moving from temporary parking to hotel parking which we thought we missed then managed to get around the corner... you never know what things are attached where in the Falls. With only a few minutes to spare we made it to our spa appointment at 2, had our massages and hydrotherapy in the hot tub, and had time for a relaxing tea while overlooking the Falls. Afterward, we went back to our room (also overlooking the falls) and regrouped with a quick snack of chicken strips and fries and an episode of Is It Cake just to fill the time before we showered and got dressed for dinner.

The main theme of the stay was Scott not being sufficiently careful with money, particularly where it concerns tips. You know, sometimes my brain just goes haywire when I'm on the spot. I did manage to curtail my tip on the spa deal by a little bit, but they hadn't told me there was already a gratuity included (damn double-dipping!) and then I way over-did it on the room service, and I don't even know why.

Anyway. For dinner we walked along the Falls to the Casino. It was an idea I had suggested and then immediately regretted, but Mel affirmed it was okay -- she regretted it a lot more after walking uphill in her boots, and especially because it was such a warm night she got all sweaty. Well, shit.

We got to the restaurant, which we had wanted to try because of a reel Mel had seen. it was Italian, and Mel "never goes out for Italian" but this was supposed to be the best Italian. It was all right, but you know it's not like we went for the top dollar menu items: we got an antipasto for 2, she got orichietti and I got fettucini. Her original idea was to split but I wasn't that into the orichietti and sausage. As for the antipasto, it was good, but Mel commented on the inequality of the grapes we were given so they brought some more. Great bread and meat though.

Then we hit the Casino, which is definitely more Mel's thing than mine, but I'm game. We started off on the Huff n' Puff game that had been very good to us the last time we were there for Laura's birthday, but it wasn't doing much for us. Then in honor of Papa H we went to the Heidi game, and got down to our last few bucks before this woman came by and must have been our good luck charm because the game came alive and before you knew it we were swimming in bonuses and up up up to the point where we had practically memorized the Heidi theme song. And you know me, I'm getting itchy like, oh, you know, maybe we should try to keep some of this money, but Mel has the opposite philosophy, which is to never walk away from a heater and seemingly -- if you want to interpret it this way -- basically to never walk away with any money at all. So we played through until we lost a certain amount, then moved on to find a particular machine we had asked Mama H about but we couldn't. We settled at the Little Shop of Horrors game, which Mel had no frame of reference for and I personally can't remember if I've ever seen the movie. But the aesthetic, animations and sounds were good, and there were some good wins there for a minute. After that we did a sit on Mel's favourite game, Power Up, which is like an antique in casino terms but still does have the juice IMO, until the money we had earmarked for the casino was all gone.

Which was fun, you know, I'm not knocking it. If you approach it like, you're putting in a certain amount of money just to spend some time pushing buttons, getting the passive thrill of "winning" but really just getting to extend your time playing/losing, then there's no problem. And on the face of it that is how I approach it and it's definitely how Mel's family, longtime casino-goers approach it, and it's probably healthier than thinking you're going to/should win every time you hit the casino floor. But I still have that twitch of "Well, you can win so you should at least try to save some of your winnings." Which I don't think is as healthy, and speaking as someone who once lost a lot more money gambling than he should I don't really have a leg to stand on on the matter. Plan to lose it all and you'll never be disappointed.

So if it sounds like I'm a little deflated, I'm not, it was a really nice trip and we had a lot of fun. We did, naturally, spend a lot of time thinking about Hank and what he was up to and if he was enjoying his time with Grammy (and Auntie.) But it was really just great to get out of our little bubble for a night.

We got a cab back to the hotel and flopped down to watch a dumb movie, but Mel was tired anyway so we turned in around midnight. I got up in the morning (hey, I slept decently on overly poofy hotel pillows!) to ensure we could get our late checkout, then around 10 we hit the brunch buffet. I made the mistake of grabbing scrambled eggs before I saw they had omelets. The omelets were a lot better, we split two and ditched the eggs, along with bacon, toast, stale potatoes that neither of us had more than a few of, fruit and then split a quarter of a berry waffle. The thing with the buffet was that we had asked about it at the front desk and were supposed to get a good deal on it, complete with vouchers, but we never got any such thing so when we showed up they said "Oh, we have to charge your room full price and then they'll correct it at the desk when you check out." That, along with the shocking total of my overtipping and the investigation that ensued, ended up causing us to take a while to get out.

We stopped off at a Tim Horton's for a Quencher for the road -- in my infinite wisdom I had accidentally selected one that was in the townie part of town -- then gunned it all the way home to Hank. We caught up with Anna on how the night had gone, then once she left, settled in to watch some daytime TV.

And that brings us pretty much up to date. Nothing major planned for the rest of our time off except not working, Halloween, and Mel getting her nails done on Friday. We'll see family on the weekend for Eric's birthday although it's not clear if we're doing one with mom, or just dad's on Sunday.

So, you know, more busy-ness, but it is what it is. There's some time to relax in there too.

I think I'll leave it off there as I should go check on Mel. I do so like these entries where I have actually been doing things instead of philosophizing about how miserable life on Earth is these days. Well, there's plenty more opportunities for that. Ciao.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

FF: If it feels like a lie

Well, we made it through our crazy busy weekend, and it was overall a positive experience to boot.

We've known for a while that the weekend of Oct 26-27 would host a confluence of events, and there was some anxiety around it. Mel is still fighting the vestiges of sickness which put into doubt whether we were up for facing all of this but we somehow pulled it together.

The big thing was Rielle's baby shower on Saturday, which as a big deal because it was out in Oshawa, a 2-hour train ride or a 2-hour drive away. Naturally we elected to take the train and forego facing traffic for a total of 4 hours. That was a sane and sensible idea whose only drawback was that we had to get to the train station for 8:41. I treated it more or less like a workday, getting up early to walk Hank, then preparing what was needed for our trip. We needed to figure out what we were going to eat and how, make sure all our headphones were charged, and ensure we had books and other occupations. Two hours is a long time to be sitting still staring out a window, you know.

So, you know. I read, I played on my phone, I listened to a wrestling podcast. I wouldn't say the time flew by but it was doable. I made good progress on my mission to finish reading Crime & Punishment by the end of the year. I'm a little behind but with great strides being made I'm closing the gap. I made myself a little tracker -- at my current rate, which features much stop-and-start including entire months of nothing, I can have it done in early January, so I just need to accelerate a little more. At this point I wouldn't even necessarily say I am enjoying the book as much as I am enduring it to finish my goal.

Anyway. We got there, we ate, we mingled, caught up with some of the folks we knew. I had an embarrassing flap where I forgot someone's name in an extremely notable way, but I brushed it off saying sorry, I'm not good with names, which is true. We talked a lot about Hank and showed off our pictures.

Aside from signing our well-wishes and posting out guesses about the baby's due date and weight, the only real entertainment was a "guess the baby song" game. Rielle was on our team, which we dubbed "Rielle's Rockers," and of course we killed it -- it wasn't a one-man show, I had a lot of the classics, and Mel and Faith had most of the contemporary stuff. It was not even close, but we ended up donating some of our prize gift cards to a team that was shorthanded. I feel like maybe that was an over-correction but um, it happened.

Then was gifts, which they had specified to get books and boy did they, it was great to see the variety, as well as all the baby stuff they needed. We helped with teardown and got a lift back to the station from Kaisa, or however her name is spelled, who arrived somewhat late. On the long ride back we decided to order Kelsey's for dinner. I was in the mood for some fish and chips but Mel convinced me to share some wings and fries because that was all she felt like (since we usually get the fajitas when we go but they don't offer them for takeout.) Well, as long as we had the spinach dip. We watched It's What's Inside on Netflix, a bodyswapping thriller that was... okay.

The next day was the much-anticipated Howl-oween Market at a cider mill out in Freelton, which I've never heard of, but is only an 18-minute drive away. Mel had been looking forward to it for months, and we got Hank a taco costume and planned to go as an acovado and salsa to make it a team effort. But the process of putting the costumes together, as simple as they were, was very delayed. Mel's plan was to tape some cardboard to a green top, but in the process of washing said top we encountered a ton of issues with our washing machine which I worked hard to resolve but somehow still seem present. Notwithstanding that, on Sunday morning it took less than an hour to cut out a circle of cardboard and for me to write the words SALSA PICANTE on a piece of red bristol board and tape it to my red tee shirt. I even added some yellow and green "confetti" for further decos.

So we went, missing out turn onto Britannia and having to take the scenic route but eventually making it there. We got a good parking spot because somebody was leaving. Hank was anxious at first because of all the other people and more importantly dogs. So we took a while to walk him around by himself and get acclimated before visiting vendors. He was a big star though, everyone loved his taco outfit and a few people noted our matching themes. He was especially popular with the BATM rescue people that remembered him because he's such a flickin' sweetie. We bought some things from vendors, had a few ciders, and were going to go without eating when we decided we needed to get some tacos from the 50s Pesos truck that was there. No regrets, although it did upset my stomach a bit. My mouth liked it more than my tummy disliked it though so I'd go back.

We got home, watched some Friday the 13th on AMC and eventually I made a late dinner of pork roast which was...... okay, a little dried out and charred on the outside from the BBQ, but whatever. Mel noted the lack of seasoning on the brussel sprouts, which I haven't done in a while. She did not note that I didn't oil the potatoes (accidental omission) and that they were a little undercooked.

Work was work, I could go on and on but I'd prefer to keep this entry happy and light with good things.

I think then that is where I will leave you. We've got our week off which promises to be good if a little busy. If there's one thing I've learned it's that there is always time. Usually.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

EE: That's just a sound they make, not how they communicate

It's Thanksgiving Monday afternoon, Mel's napping, Hank is kind of meandering around, I've done some writing, so let's talk.

I was kind of dreading this weekend. Any weekend with more than one obligation is worth biting your fingernails over. Ones that push forward into the morning get me even more frazzled. You could even say it began with a hastily-arranged dinner with mom on Friday night when we went to Uptown Social House, a bar near her house that has dueling pianos a few nights per week -- we didn't end up seeing it because being that the music starts at 9 there was no chance we would be staying that long; we got there at 6:30.

The food was actually quite good. Mom filled the silence with tales of her work woes and her relationship troubles or lack thereof. I love my mom but I'm finding more and more as an adult what it means that a conversation with her is a little one-sided. Not that we had much to report, but Mel was worried about what we'd have to say and I told her not to worry over it.

Saturday was the day I was particularly worried about. Our task for the day was to drive to Namita's in our old neighborhood (Spadina-Ft. York) and pick up the much-anticipated Olympic bar Mel had bought from her. Mel had always wanted one and I kind of put her off -- expense, space, etc, but when it came out that Nam was selling hers we couldn't very well pass up the opportunity. So we drove out, it was a perfectly pleasant day for a drive to the city, the highway wasn't even that bad, it was just finding our way to Namita's visitor parking, which I got turned around when I thought it was left but it was right. Well anyway. We got the thing and loaded it into the truck and Mel and Namita caught up a bit on what was going on with her and people they knew and the optometrist. We spent maybe an hour chatting, and, after some drama with Google maps not specifying how to get on the Gardiner from Lake Shore, made it home. Mel was hungry -- breakfast had been early and light (Tim Hortons from the newly re-opened Brant and Upper Middle location) -- so we got some lunch, a porchetta sandwich from Fortinos for her and leftovers from Uptown for me.

At some point some cleaning happened, it's all a blur. That was the main thing. We were hosting Thanksgiving the next day so we had to put a lot of work into making our house presentable. Somehow, we pulled it off. You know, messes are really just individual objects that happen not to be in their designated spots. If you can look at it like that -- and I'm not saying everyone can -- cleaning becomes, perhaps not easier but more psychologically manageable. I focused on the kitchen or at least tried to while Mel brought up several other things that needed attending to; such is the way of the anxious.

People started coming around 2. Chitchat, logistics, cooking. Mama and Papa H brought the turkey and a selection of sides, I was responsible only for my carrots and turnip and -- after Mel reminded me -- potatoes. Honestly, I still feel like my C&T's fall short, being a bit mushy and watery (seriously, how do you get the water out?) and I always end up seasoning them into nothingness, I think I'd like them better with a true turnip carrot flavor. Nobody had anything to say about them and I wasn't going to beg for compliments.

It was nice, though. Everyone had somewhere to sit, everyone liked Hank, and he even played nice with Randy after an initial standoff. Many comments on our various plants. Sherlie did end up taking a break to go lie down upstairs -- this happened while Mel was out walking Hank with her mom, which caused her (Mel's) eyes to bulge out as we had failed to properly make the bed despite anticipating this as a need, but Sherlie was okay with it. We gathered around to switch from football to watch an episode of the Floor and put the apple pie in way too late, and espresso. People left around 10 and I made sure to move the car, which I had put in visitor's parking for the duration so that A&R could have an easier time unloading theirs. All in all a tiring day but we navigated it well and had a good time.

Last week's trip to my dad's went well. We decided at the last moment to -- with their permission -- bring Hank, and that was nice, he mostly paid attention to the cat. Usual convos with the guys and him and Deb, who added a month to her time at work before retiring for handover.

The week was what it was. Someone dented our car and I'm really salty about it and not particularly in the mood to get it fixed right away. I did a post on Burlington Together about it but I don't think it got approved because I guess they don't want to open to floodgates for people to just post random bitching.

I've also -- more or less permanently -- logged out of Facebook. This is something that's been a long time coming because social media produces nothing but anxiety and anger. I had stayed on largely to keep up with Blake's memes but I figure I can log on occasionally directly to his profile, and not make it part of my morning routine and thus continually go back there when I need a jolt of stimulation from some kind of input. I log in, I look at one thing, I log out.

Similarly, Mel is trying to use Instagram less, for similar reasons of it mainly provoking negative feelings. Right now we have kind of a fragile peace about us that social media constantly risks upsetting. I still do Bluesky, I still promote my blog, and I still follow Dave Meltzer on X for a regular hit of people randomly being mad about wrestling, but Facebook is done -- sorry in advance to all the people whose birthdays I will miss.

I think that's good. Hank might want to go for a walk soon but I'm in my pajamas.

Not a bad day overall.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

DD: An unfamiliar song

Normally Saturday mornings are for writing but I can't seem to get excited about it. Well, it's bound to happen. Maybe I can ramp up to it. I was hoping to read some X-Men but the site seems to be having difficulties.

I feel like I'm made up of a bunch of different little crises. My mom wants me to come over and finally put her shed together before the weather gets bad, but who knows when there is going to be time for it. I keep trying to do the mental calculus and it's not easy. Mel, of course, is irked that it falls to me, since I have two brothers who could help but we all know that this shit just naturally falls to my territory. Is it fair? I don't care. I only wish that she had nudged me about this earlier in the summer when there was a bit -- not much but a bit -- more time and leeway.

We're supposed to go to Dad's tonight for his birthday. After she got home from her outing last night Mel was telling me she's still not feeling great, and seems particularly congested in her ear. So I don't know if she's going to want to go which means I don't know if I'm going to go, and it all just makes me sigh in defeat.

Then I think forward a little bit. We want to have our little day/overnight trip to the spa, but what to do about Hank? Do we only do a day, with all the rushing around that entails, or do we leave him with someone? Do we reach out to the Internet, or do we prevail on Mel's parents (tough given that Hank still hasn't fully warmed to Randy.) We love Hank but his arrival definitely means the end of a certain kind of freedom we enjoyed, but only occasionally took advantage of.

Looking at him over there though, it's obviously worth it.

I don't know if it's a good thing to unload my problems like this but keeping them to yourself is probably not generally healthy either. Of course I could/should probably talk it out with Mel but I feel like that is a stressful conversation waiting to happen. I do sometimes wish I did not feel so entangled and yet I refuse to clip the ties that bind.

Well, I think my comic is ready. Keep on rockin'

-Scotto

CC: Length of Wire

There are two things it dismays me to think about. One is that this blog goes back over twenty years to my final years of high school. the other is that it doesn't go back further. As cringeworthy as everything I said and thought was up until -- I don't know, maybe just before the pandemic? -- it would be extremely useful to have a more vivid record of my calamitous years between, let's say, 13 and 17.

I'm feeling reflective because I've been grappling with an idea lately that won't seem to go away. It would be either a memoir or a fictionalized account of my high school years. The main reason I would want to do it is so that I could use the titles, Teenage Millennial Psycho Nerd. I don't think my story is particularly in need of telling but I do think it is full of uniquely mortifying incidents.

As a true story, it would be hard to wrangle the narrative into comprehensible shape, but if I were to fictionalize it, I would have to water it down and risk losing some of the nuance. While I'm grappling with this, I am also up against the limitations of my memory. I remember enough but it's not like I was paying attention to who said what to whom in those days. Everything was a blur. Even on the blog itself, once it kicks in, is largely full of indirect quotes and summaries because why wouldn't it be? If I were to try to characterize myself as some kind of underdog class clown, I would need to know what kind of material I had back then. I was funny sometimes, but I was also mopey. Holy shit was I mopey.

As a memoir, it drags and is full of digressions; as fiction, I'm not sure it distinguishes itself. Well, I'm not sure it would distinguish itself as a memoir either. I'm not really anybody.

Time as passed. Mel and I are mostly through our illness although Mel is still stuffed up and taking cold pills and I still can't taste Coca-Cola. We continued to sleep apart in an arrangement that may have made medical sense but did not help either of us avoid feeling isolated, especially Hank who was initially with me but eventually switched over to Mel -- with my blessing. We watched Life With the Walter Boys, which I thought was kind of a snooze, and then Nobody Wants This; much of this was done from bed where I had set up our secondary TV. Somehow we managed to figure out things to eat very day but I couldn't tell you what. Now that we are both in the same bed, Hank has been remarkably good about staying in his own bed instead of climbing in with us -- I guess he figured that it's just not worth all three of us tossing and turning. I don't know, it's cute for him to climb up and cuddle with us but by 3 AM the novelty wears off, you know?

Work has continued apace although not without the occasional existential crisis on my part about what exactly I am doing with my life and what am I hoping to get out of it and how does it ladder up to keeping myself alive, and hence why I am thinking about writing a lot lately. Ooh this idea could be a book, that idea could be a book. (Books are easier than, say, screenplays, but they are not lucrative and they are not easy anyway.)

Anyway, I did think I would just check in on this gloomy evening. I dropped Mel off at the train station to go to Second City with her mom and Laura (it's nice that she felt well enough to do that) so it's just me and Hank tonight. Should be chill. I'll probably write.

Okay, back to my remembrances.

Keep on rockin'

-Scotto