I'm not going to explain to you the meaning of this post's title, but when I look back, I'll know. Maybe I'll allude to it down below.
I cut off last week's post because we were heading out to Nonna's house and I ran out of time. Actually we were going to church with her and then to the mausoleum, which (the latter part) I had wanted to do for some time. Hence the early start, the abrupt end.
A week has passed. For the most part, the same feelings only magnified: exhaustion, drained-ness. But let me run back over November before I tell you the rest.
We went to Dad's on the 27th for Eric's birthday, then the next week to Mom's. That was a big one because it was one of the first times we've had a gathering with our aunts in two years (we did the one at the trailer, and one the year before at the end of summer at their place before they moved.) Gail didn't come because she had to stay home with the dog, who is getting up there in age, and Ali was going back to Nova Scotia so she couldn't make it, but Cam and Paige did. I kinda like how Paige has come into the family. We don't get new people very often, Mel being the last one. My other cousins' partners tend to keep to themselves -- actually, Kris' fiancee Sandi would probably like to be more embedded but there's sort of a gap there. I won't analyze it too much. This is about Paige, who is a nice girl. I hope they make it, but on the other hand they've got 3.5 years at different schools ahead, and ending up with your grade 12 girlfriend in the long run it's often something that happens (that said, I know a few couples who started in similar situations and made it.)
When I left off, I was talking about groceries. Right. So this new meal plan is very focused on organics and ingredients; you can get it all at Fortinos though. Like I said it's not a "diet" in the weight loss sense, that's not why we're doing it, it's more for vitamins and whatnot. Get the sodium down, fewer complex carbs. I'm kind of dancing around it but I might as well own up, it's a fertility plan designed to improve and support health in that area. It's been a decent change in lifestyle for us because it means, well, we're spending a lot on groceries and spending a lot of time making food and thinking about food, which is a double-edged sword because it was always so stressful to think about what to eat and I am thankful to have someone just tell me "this is what you're eating this week" but we have bad habits that don't lend themselves to spending a lot of energy and resources preparing and storing food... oh and let's not forget the occasional faux pas where a meal will call for chick to go in the oven for 90 minutes at 350, and cauliflower to go in for 25 minutes at 400 on the same night. What's a boy to do?
We made it work, but I'm not always the best judge on that score (the chicken we were using, we swapped in boneless thighs for the drumsticks in the original recipe, so the chicken cooked faster.)
A few weeks ago Mel had some running around to do and she happened to stop by Value Village. While she was there she encountered a set of 6 kitchen table chairs that would go perfectly with the 90s wooden table we got from her parents. Value Village being what it is, we had to strike fast so later that day I found myself swinging down there to scoop up the chairs. I ended up having to make three trips to get each of them in the car, which took an hour overall, but it was worth it. Now we just need to put feet on the chairs before we use. So they're just kind of taking up space.
We're a little behind on cleaning, tidying, organizing. The place is cluttered. Kitchen's not great, as I alluded. We're looking at swapping out the fall decos for Christmas now. Yesterday was the big tree decorating day at Mel's parents which put everyone in the mood. Mel was telling everyone we were going to get the tree out today which I certainly don't remember agreeing to (last thing I remember saying was we'd do the shelf and the wreath.) I still haven't put the patio stuff away and junked the planters, which I'm annoyed about because we got early snow. (It's allegedly going to warm up this week so I may have an opportunity on Wed.) Ugh. This is the weight on my shoulders.
Work has been busy, let me tell you about that. Mrs. Obama put out her second book this week, which had us all on tenterhooks. I can still remember when I came into the Non-Fiction Pod only weeks before the release of her book and I barely had any awareness what was going to happen. Suddenly I, a guy who had a very low personal estimation of his ability, had the most important book in the company, one of the biggest books in history. A real learning experience. And I was able to apply that, all this time later, to this experience. It demanded a lot of visibility and a lot of co-ordination. There were a lot of eyes on any late POs and any other issues. Very high expectations at a high level as our arms had sort of been wrung into taking a huge buy so that there could be no possibility of stock fuckups, even though pretty much everyone agreed at the lower level that this was not destined to be a big historical hit. The first books sold, I want to say 14K in the first week in retail, and this one only did 500 on its first day -- a good number, but nothing to lose your head over when you have 60,000 units in the market. It was trending toward 2100 for the week, which meant talk turned to how are we going to discount this further and get more sales out of it. Phil thanked me for my service and assured me that it wouldn't be due to lack of stock that the book didn't sell.
I told Maria this was all dress rehearsal for the Prince Harry book coming out in January, which is threatening to ruin my life next. I'm so used to a nice quiet new year.
It was good practice, a good time to shine. I like my categories because they cruise, cruise, cruise until one of the biggest books in history suddenly gets released and I'm standing at attention. I'm ready, I'm good, I'm battle-tested, but I'm not here to do that every month. I deliberately didn't reach out about moving into the Fiction role because I didn't want that to be my life every week. I've gotten very used to just kind of chilling at my desk and pursuing things that make me happy between work moments. Which is of course where the question becomes of, do I want to keep growing and developing or do I just mark time until I find something else to do? Opportunities may come up in the near future.
I went into the office on Tuesday. The timing was perfect. Mel ended up volunteering to dogsit for Laura and Ryan that day because they were going to Buffalo for a hockey game. The other IAs and I had plans to go on this specific day because of the usual big monthly meeting would provide a nice opportunity to go out for drinks. Because that was the day Michelle came out it was a fun time to be at the office for me, kept me focused. At drinks we all blew off steam, maybe a bit too candidly for the new folks. One of the new girls spent some of her teen years in Oakville, which was a nice connection. We're a good group, it makes me want to go in more often but it's such a schlep. Eventually, most of the group left, and Don and James and I stuck around to talk old guy shit. Then Don left and the conversation between James and I took, briefly, a weird turn but one that I found refreshing because it wasn't a talk, necessarily, that one would have with others. Especially since I was two beers in (I lied to Mel and said I only had one.)
I walked back to the station to sober up with a Tim Hortons Decaf. I miss the 9:15 westbound train, which was actually kind of good because it gave me time to grab a Mcdonalds burger to fill my tummy. I had only eaten some prawn tacos which were basically an appetizer. An hors d'oeuvre, really. Somehow I managed to sober completely up in time to get to the train, because I was attempting the kind of stupid thing I haven't done much since I hit 30. I was going to drive out to Hamilton to pick Mel up.
So let's recap the situation: I'm buzzed, I've been up since 6 AM, it's flurries, it's dark, and I'm driving to a place I've never been before on my own. Should go well.
I ended up making the wrong turn right out of the gate and taking the 403 instead of the more direct QEW. That was a little spooky but the GPS had my back, even if it did take me all through Hamilton, down Main Street. It only added about 5-10 minutes to my drive, no big deal. When I got there, Mel was watching Dahmer with Jake. We sat a while, then Laura and Ryan came home. We hung out a little longer before we left. I drove home, getting gas nearby and then hitting the QEW. Surprisingly I was alert and capable the whole way, and I slept like a rock.
The week went on. There have been one or two moments where I simply could not with this kitchen/cooking situation. It's a learning experience and part of the learning I think is doing it as a couple, instead of me doing it on my own to avoid the static that sometimes crops up between us. I'm a good guy, I have a good heart and am very caring and loving, but sometimes there is a handling of my own heart that is missing, and when that causes my filter to go down I can get quite pissy. Which is pretty mild compared to what some people live with, but worse than I want to be, and worse than I think people deserve.
Mel had a few interviews this week, some really good prospects, as we all knew she would. I think the timing will be right because she seems to have just about had it with this freeform life. I mean, I could do it no problem, but she needs the structure.
We ordered pizza two nights ago (we had a night of takeout built into our meal plan but Mel's plans with Rielle fell through). Mel was very excited for Hawaiian, but we somehow ended up with "The Great Beyond." I smelled something off with the pizza in the parking lot and checked it, luckily, before going back. I looked at my receipt, there it was, "The Great Beyond." My finger must have slipped. I placed a new order and waited, and the girl was good enough to only charge me for a cheese pizza. It happens. One time I accidentally ordered a thin crust. I mean, who goes to the Hut for a thin crust, right?
So we had this whole extra pizza we had no idea what to do with, so we brought it to the tree trimming yesterday as a snack for everyone, along with some spanakopita. It was reasonably successful.
Before going to Oakville we hit a Christmas bazaar that Mel had been looking forward to at a nearby public school. It was nice, we got some wares from some local vendors, some Christmas decos and gift ideas, we put our names in for some raffles, and Mel considered buying more crystals but admitted to the girl at the table that she should be put in "Crystal jail." It's an expensive habit, but it's her money.
I mean, whenever I talk about my money she says it's "our" money but somehow her money is her money, go figure ;)
Writing still happens occasionally. Lots of thoughts, lots of ideas. And yes, now that the pressure has been mildly relieved, some time. I'll have a week between Christmas and New Years, we'll see what we can do with it. Our January vacation is almost definitely off, but maybe Feb or March.
And in the midst of all that, there was this moment yesterday... but that's another story and will be told another time.
Weird, wild times, and only fixing to get weirder.
Keep on rockin'
-Scotto
