1: You can only control what's in your hand

And even then it may prove difficult.

The internet seems to have nothing for me on this Sunday morning so I have returned to give an account of my first month of condo cohabitation.

It's good.

It's tough keeping the place clean since you know it's just going to get dirty again but every so often you know you need to reset to 0 on the filth scale. Mostly she goes to bed early and I clean a bit. Laundry also gets ignored but that's not new. It feels like the greatest source of tension is getting out the door when I say I want to since there's always lots to do in the morning.

We took a bit to select and order a couch but eventually it arrived and Mel, as she was with the cable, was good enough to stay home and receive it. Then the feet, which had been advertised as needingvan Allen key to assemble (which was included) required a Philips head screwdriver. Eventually it all worked out and we're very happy with our couch but man, what a ride.

Work is fine. For a second it seemed like I was starting to excel but I feel I had a tough week this week and my confidence is a little lower. Probably making mountains out of molehills here but there's going to be an issue with one of my titles on Monday because we had no eeplen at the warehouse until Thurs and I elected to send it out to stores with our regular deliveries and not UPS, so the instock figures will likely look bad on Monday. And I neglected to give a heads up, perhaps because I wanted to see how bad it was. (Feels like I really should have but I had my mind on other things.) And there was one other thing I ought to have taken care of before EOD Friday that I didn't and I'm a bit concerned about being pegged as just not caring.

One thing I miss about working on store, then, is going home and not having and problems stick with you. You walk outvthst door and there's basically nothing to worry about, it's gone. Here it would be the same but I have to reckon with the impacts of my decisions and efforts. I'm sensitive, jittery, self conscious and soft so this can have an effect on my self esteem, not to mention my enjoying my weekend... But hopefully it will also push me to do my job better so long as it doesn't cripple me.

I find my mind wanders, I am more and more seeking the comfort of distraction. Comics and wrestling, topics I consciously got away from in 2016 and 2017, are once again my happy place. The X-Men blog is a fun project, the juice proving more or less worth the squeeze.

We are in Oakville again, as we tend to be every other weekend or so. There is a dual purpose - I knew this was my last shot at putting items into storage and sealing off the Great 2017 Move for good, and this weekend happens to be Mel's Nonna and Papa's anniversary. Unfortunately Papa has been in the hospital for months. So we had Nonna over for Chinese food last night (Mel and I had also had Chinese Friday so we were dismayed but it was fine.) Mel is also planning on visiting Papa in the hospital again today, and I am sorry I won't be able to go along due to my other commitments. I know the first time we went she was rattled by how down he seemed, but the second time he was more up and it was a good visit. It seems like that trend has continued.

There was also some drama at her work that disrupted her week but I think she has worked through it, bless her.

We've both been plagues by bad dreams lately. Hers worse than mine but last night I dreamt I got a visit from my least favorite co-worker ever. Ugggh.

Sometimes everything in my life feels like a laugh, like I am playing adult. THIS is my job? And I get to go home to my OWN place and make whatever dinner I want? And this woman loves me? I'm dangerously close to not taking any of it seriously because of how unreal the last year has felt but I must remember I am lucky and should appreciate it all.

Keep on rockin'
Scotto